Seven Christmases

A couple years ago, my dad gave me the movie Four Christmases for Christmas. If you're not familiar with the storyline, essentially this couple each has divorced parents so they have to celebrate Christmas four separate times at each parent's house. As soon as I saw it, I thought oh great, welcome to my future.

Although Dan and I each attended each other's extended family Christmas celebrations last year, this is the first year we really attempted to celebrate together with our immediate families as well. It ended up being a grand total of 7 Christmases for us (although actually more like 8 for him). Since this is 100% absurd and a reflection of not only 2 sets of divorced parents but my family's complete resistance to change (there would still probably be 6 Christmases if we weren't so difficult), I'll detail out the celebrations below for all to enjoy.

Prior to these, we also both attended work Christmas parties and a holiday dinner at the Union League Club, and 2 friend's holiday parties. I also went to a work holiday party on the 15th, a White Elephant party on the 16th and we have another white elephant/Epiphany party on January 5th.

12/21: (my brother, Danny's, graduation was this morning as well) Extended family Christmas with my mom's side-the Hedrichs at my mom's house. Presents and dinner with my immediate family (6), my aunt and 2 cousins and their spouses and 1 child, and my other aunt/uncle and their 2 boys. Dan and his friend Matt stopped by, but went to see the Killers concert so they missed out on dinner but did open presents with us. 16 for dinner, 18 people for presents. It was a crazy day!

12/22: Polish Christmas dinner with Pat (Dan's dad's) family. We drove out to Oxford, OH Saturday afternoon and arrived just in time for dinner. The Magner family has a rule that everyone must have 2 kids and only 2 kids (kidding, but seriously its a little weird!) So Pat is one of 4 siblings all of whom were there with their spouse and their 2 kids. 2 of Dan's cousins are also married with 2 kids, although only one cousin made it with her family because the other one just had her second baby a couple of months ago. So 21 people all together including me and Sam (Tim's girlfriend)

12/23: Christmas dinner with Pat's family part 2. With the exception of one aunt/uncle and the cousin who is married with kids, we all stayed in Oxford for the weekend. So slightly smaller crowd the second night, but no less fun. Pat designed the house for his sister and her family so this was the first time most people had been there and let me tell you--it was gorgeous!! If they would have let me, I probably would have moved into the library, its exactly what I want in my house. There was also a beautiful, massive Christmas tree in the middle of the house-probably about 12 feet tall and very full. I was able to see my friend Laura in the morning who is living/working in Oxford now so that was fun! And then we went for hike in the neighborhood that afternoon complete with crossing the creek on rocks and then later on a fallen tree, definitely a lot of fun but I could never live in a brand new neighborhood like that-only 5 homes!

12/24: A long drive back to Chicago for Dan followed by some confusion with Mass and then dinner with my family. My family intended to go to 4pm Mass at Ascension but my mom was furious when she arrived at 3:30 and there wasn't a seat in sight. So to St. Luke's my mom and siblings went, Dan and I visited Allison instead. Dinner was lasagna, our normal family Christmas dinner and then opening presents from the siblings.

12/24-12/25: Midnight Mass at Old St. Pats with Dan's mom and Tim. This is such a wonderful Mass to go to, but Dan was struggling since he'd been up since 8, hadn't slept well, and unlike me actually did the 5 hour drive. I didn't really nap in the car, but at least I didn't have to focus for so long. He also hates church, so that doesn't help. We finally got to bed around 2am.

Dan and I exchanged presents and stockings on Christmas morning, but I won't count that as a separate celebration. He gave me ice skates awhile ago as my main present (which I got to use for the first time on the 14th and I loved them!) and I gave him goalie pants which have padding on the hips and knees so he doesn't beat himself up as much

12/25: We went separate ways this morning since his family didn't have any real plans but he wanted to spend time with them, whereas I decided to go out to River Forest for our normal Wallace family Christmas morning. We kids opened presents from Santa/mom and our parents opened presents from us as well. Our parents got everything they asked for, courtesy of me ordering/buying everything on their lists, so they were thrilled! We gorged on our traditional Christmas breakfast of casserole, potatoes, cinnamon rolls, and fruit since we knew dinner would not be quite as good as usual.

12/25 pm: A few years ago, my dad started hosting Christmas dinner for our immediate family. By my dad hosting, I mean that we all go over to his place and I cook dinner. Plans were up in the air until the last minute this year though. He thought about taking us out to dinner due to my having such a hectic few days before, which was very nice but unnecessary. So by the time we decided that we would have dinner at home (which wasn't really an option because the only things open in Oak Park were McDonalds, Subway, and Starbucks), all the grocery stores were closed. Dinner ended up being a compilation of what ingredients were available at my moms (stuff for a Chicken and rice casserole and leftover rolls from Friday) and my dad (southwestern style frozen corn and canned green beans). So not the most well-coordinated dinner, but it tasted fine and filled us up well enough. We also got presents from my dad. He likes to coordinate all our gifts so we each got a dvd, a book, and tickets to a show (I got CSO!) The major highlight of that celebration was going to see Les Miserables in theaters. My dad pretty much forced my siblings to go because he got 6 tickets and had to fill them. The attendees ended up being my parents, Mark, Erica, me, and we exchanged my brother Danny for boyfriend Dan which worked out fairly well (same name, only 10 months apart in age-works well enough!) The movie was long and a little slow during the first half, but I enjoyed it in the end.

Between all these celebrations and Dan's friend being here since Saturday the 15th, it probably comes as no surprise that I'm so people'd out that I can't even think of being in a group again for some time. Not that I'm complaining-I'm so grateful that we have such wonderful family to get together with over the holidays. But its so nice and quiet here in my own apartment...

Finding the Right Word

After doing all of my research on moving in together over the summer, I’d like to think I’m somewhat of an emerging expert in the field. I’m sure I’m not, but I’m happy to share my opinion anyways. I think there are two legitimate reasons a couple should consider moving in together. The first is that you are moving in together because it seems like the next step in figuring out if you’re compatible to go the distance. The second is that you’ve already determined that you’re a match made in heaven and it is part of the natural progression of a relationship (this option may or may not come after either engagement and/or marriage).

Most people I know tend to believe either one or the other, and aren’t necessarily afraid to voice their opinion in some way. There’s the common reaction of “you’ve been together for 6 years, why haven’t you put a ring on it?” others, although relatively few others, suggest that we’re taking things too quickly, we’ve only lived together for 6 months, there’s no reason to rush into engagement, marriage, everything else right away.

I’ll admit it, I’m a little offended by the people voicing the latter opinion. To me, it’s invalidating not only the 6 years we’ve been together, but the entirety of plenty other people’s relationships-especially thinking of my friends from more conservative or religious backgrounds, or those who also faced distance as an obstacle in relationships, who never lived together before their wedding day or for a short period of time before. Have we faced hurdles while living together that couples who dated in the same city wouldn’t necessarily face? Sure. Dan didn’t know how many clothes I pull out of the closet/ dresser while trying to get dressed for the day because most of the time I was living out of a suitcase when we were together. I didn’t know how anal Dan was about putting the toilet seat lid down or putting the toilet paper roll on a particular way because we were never around each other enough to notice little habits like that. But we also have the advantage of many years of communicating through pretty much all mediums with any number of barriers, so that helps get us through those inevitable “discussions” otherwise known as fights.

And then I look at the people, the couples, I know who are getting engaged, getting married, even on occasion having children. I would say probably 75% of the people I know who got married or engaged over the past 5 years have not been together for as long as we have. Does that mean they’re taking things too quickly? Maybe, maybe not. Am I jealous? You bet. Dan and I are of the second path, we made the decision (because that’s what the commitment to be with someone is, a decision) years ago that we’re it for each other. Moving in together is a step closer to becoming what we already know we’re going to become-life partners. For us, it was more financially feasible to move in together before getting engaged (and if you caught my last post before I took it down, you’ll understand that more). So we did. And it’s been great, better than I ever anticipated. But there’s this not-so-hidden part of me that is desperate to be something more.

When my mom introduces us to her friends at a fundraising event we are “my daughter Sarah and her boyfriend Dan”. When I’m visiting his mom at the rehab center after she had a hip replacement I’m “her son’s girlfriend”. When we list each other as emergency contacts or beneficiaries or define our relationship on our lease or insurance, we’re “partners”. When one of us is invited to another’s event, we are each other’s “significant other”. Is it so wrong to want to be more than that? Should I feel guilty for wanting to have a title that more accurately describes our relationship with one another? That distinguishes us from a couple who met a few months ago and maybe has just decided to date exclusively? Boyfriend/girlfriend works there too. And I’ve been my dad’s “date” to a variety of things; don’t really want to use that title when Dan and I are at holiday Christmas parties together. I’m sure I sound whiny, and that’s fine. I should be grateful for having the loving, stable relationship that I have, and I certainly am, I know that. But sometimes, I want my relationship acknowledged for what it is too.