One of my newer hobbies is looking at Amazon's top 100 free books list every few days. There is a new self-publishing industry on there for ebooks that is thriving and honestly I've enjoyed some of the books I've gotten on there as much as some traditionally published books I've read. Now, I'm pretty much just looking at the romance books on there-which there is a wide selection of. Yes, minus my book club book of the month I'm pretty much sticking to short love stories with happy endings and occasional steamy scenes. Its pretty rare that I can't predict the conclusion within the first 10 pages but I'm totally okay with that. Even in normal books I tend to read the end first so nothing new there! Can't say its great literature or necessarily mentally stimulating (although in other ways...) but I read for entertainment and entertainment it is!
I downloaded a book called "Angela's Song" a few weeks ago. The summary described it basically as a young widowed woman trying to move on with her kids after her husband's recent death, and finding love again. Okay, I can do that. What I didn't know until I started reading it, is that its a book written by and about a very devout Catholic. I was raised Catholic and still attend church almost every week, but this was a type of Catholicism I've never seen in person. I'm talking daily Mass attending, very modest clothes wearing, natural family planning, and no kissing before marriage type of Catholicism. Honestly I'm not sure I realized that kind of Catholicism existed-it seemed more like an Evangelical or Mormon faith practice than the Catholic one I'm familiar with.
What would certainly have turned off many readers (at least my fellow Fifty Shades fans), actually drew in my curiosity. I began a deeper exploration of my own faith, and religion as a concept, in college. Not necessarily in the spiritual sense, but in the intellectual sense. I'm fascinated what religion prompts individuals and groups of people to do. It amazes me how people who profess to belong to the same group "Roman Catholic" can live the faith so differently. The priests at Ascension and St. Clements regularly remind us to live our faith not only on Sunday during Mass but throughout our daily lives, but even in living our faiths, they're not expecting Dan and I to bless each other before making love. Yes, that is exactly what happens in this book, after the couple is married, of course. The man is a 40-something year old virgin, for real.
It was and still is important to me to marry a Catholic guy-one of the many items on my checklist that Dan meets. But even the way we practice our faith is very different. He's a once-a-year (or maybe more depending if I'm mad at him for something) church goer, which is okay. What is important to me is being able to bring up my children in a shared faith-with both their parents as role models-so I'm letting him off the hook now...knowing he'll have many years of weekly Mass attendance coming his way.
Although I'm nowhere near making the move to align my lifestyle like the characters in Angela's Song, the book did compel me to think more about my body in a spiritual sense. I've never really done that before, besides thinking about whether my knees were bothering me too much to kneel for an extended period of time. I happened to read this book close to the beginning of Lent, for which I needed to come up with something to "give up". Basically think of this as a second chance New Years resolution for Catholics that you only have to commit to for 6 weeks. For years I did some variation of giving up sweets, which made me feel much better for 40 days but I always reverted back to my normal habits. Last year I decided to work on avoiding sloth (one of the seven deadly sins as my AXO sisters can attest to!) by not hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock during the work week. Also didn't stick, but at least now I know I'm capable of doing it if I put my mind to it.
Every year I hear the same mini lecture from the priest at Ash Wednesday prayer service or Mass talking about how we don't need to "give up" something, we could do something instead. And if we do choose to give up something, we shouldn't brag about it or even tempt other people to say what they're doing by asking them. Granted, I got an email from Allison on Ash Wednesday morning asking me what I was giving up, so didn't avoid that temptation very well! We were also asked not to write anything on facebook about it....so I'm not, just on my blog :)
I didn't really want to give up sweets again and although I thought about giving up drinking alcohol I didn't really feel like that was doing much for God. I did recognize, however, that I've been under a lot of stress at work recently and it was manifesting itself in different ways. I've always been an emotional eater, I definitely take out my stress by being short with people I love (learned/inherited that one from my mom-thanks....), and working out normally takes care of any other concerns. For really the first time in my life, however, I had consecutive weeks with nearly sleepless nights because my brain couldn't shut off no matter what I did. Dan had to lull me to sleep by reciting FAA regulations one night and two other nights I finished entire books between the time I got into bed around 10:30 and the time I feel asleep around 1 and 3, respectively.
Tying together my recent literary adventure, my inability to decide what to give up for Lent, and new ways of showing stress, I was inspired to do some research on what the Bible says about the body. One passage stuck out to me, and in the end inspired me to make a decision on what to do for the next forty days:
"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit
within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were
bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."(1 Corinthians 6: 19-20)
Now I'm not entirely certain how I feel about that whole price thing, but that passage is a reminder to me that my body is only on loan to me for a period of time and I need to treat it well otherwise it will fail me. My personal mission for Lent then is a combination of both adding and removing habits in my daily life. As I replied to Allison's email, I'm going to find alternatives to body-harming ways of coping with stress. For me, that means less emotional eating, less drinking, and (hopefully) fewer sleepless nights. Instead, I'm making an effort to attend church, go to a yoga class, and run every week. I'm praying these are habits that I can continue with long past March 31st, guess we'll just have to see!
Monday, February 18, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
A League of My Own
Secret New Years resolution is to blog twice a month...just barely making my deadline with this one! Blogs on the 1st and 30th...sorry readers, I'll try to do better.
My new catchphrase as of this month is "I wish I were still an ECD". From the time I started working at Aon in July 2011 until December 31st, 2012, I was part of a rotational early career development program. There were certainly some things I didn't love about it-lack of ownership, being called an intern...but along with that came little responsibility, and the responsibility I did have was short-term. The work hours were also a lot shorter. Now there is a list of 150+ things with my name as the owner and if they don't all happen on August 5th I'm in trouble! If I were still an ECD, I'd have rolled off the project in December or coming up in June and the outcome wouldn't matter so much, to me at least. It's definitely taken some getting used to, but it will be awesome to see the project through to the end, assuming it all works out okay.
Other than more responsibility at work, I've also taken on additional responsibilities with Big Shoulders Fund, the nonprofit board I'm involved with. I joined the auxiliary board last February and joined the schools committee. I was asked in December to take on a leadership role in the schools committee as the sub-committee chair for school involvement and mentors. My goal is to organize a group to attend events at 3 or more of our partner schools this year-something like a fundraiser, school play, or basketball game. I'm really excited about the additional responsibility and it puts me on track to take on greater leadership responsibilities in the group in the future.
I attended my first auxiliary board leadership meeting last week. The attendees included committee and subcommittee chairs and the auxiliary board executive leadership. Its a group of about fifteen mid-late 20 and early 30-somethings from all different backgrounds. Some currently or formerly worked in education (including a couple of TFA alums), others are in the financial industry, others in nonprofit organizations. Many have advanced degrees and others serve on several associate boards. Overall, a very well-connected, responsible, together group of people. The one thing that most of us seemed to be missing? Wedding rings. In fact there were 2 in the entire room.
Admittedly, this is a recent obsession of mine-seeing who is married (I know 10 people who got engaged in a 2 week span so forgive me for being highly observant). I noticed a similar trend in the sorority alumni group events I've attended in the past couple months. Lots of successful, well-adjusted women in the same age range (sorority girls even!). Lots of boyfriends, very few rings.
I feel like an anomaly all of a sudden. I've been slowly catching onto this idea for awhile, but its finally hitting me. Maybe it is weird that I'm a 24 year old woman who has a steady job with opportunities to advance yet relatively manageable work hours, I'm in a stable relationship with a pretty well-defined future, I live independently of my parents, I attend church most Sundays, I'm involved in many activities outside of work, I go the to gym regularly, I see my family at least once a month, I am preparing to go back to school, and I am at least progressing on the friend front. There has definitely been a lot less bar time in the past 8 months and maybe less free time than I'd ideally like, but its nothing that I didn't expect. I guess where I see myself in 5 or 10 years is in a very different place than my auxiliary board and alumni sorority sisters are right now. Granted, plans don't always work out that way which I'm slowly but surely learning about. Maybe in 5 years I'll be the one without the ring, piecing together odd jobs or working 60 hours a week. Or maybe I'll be in the complete opposite end deciding to put my career on hold to take care of my 2.5 children, dog, and cat in a house in a development in Joliet. Both of those thoughts make me shudder a little, although this article made my morning: http://www.thesuburbanjungle.com/15-tips-to-help-moms-survive-in-the-suburban-jungle
I'm not trying to hold judgement on anyone who is in a different place than I imagine myself to be in 5-10 years, but just wondering what I need to be doing differently now so that I continue to make progress towards where I want to be. I guess its just a new take on the classic "can I have it all?" question. Wonder what the answer will be for me!
My new catchphrase as of this month is "I wish I were still an ECD". From the time I started working at Aon in July 2011 until December 31st, 2012, I was part of a rotational early career development program. There were certainly some things I didn't love about it-lack of ownership, being called an intern...but along with that came little responsibility, and the responsibility I did have was short-term. The work hours were also a lot shorter. Now there is a list of 150+ things with my name as the owner and if they don't all happen on August 5th I'm in trouble! If I were still an ECD, I'd have rolled off the project in December or coming up in June and the outcome wouldn't matter so much, to me at least. It's definitely taken some getting used to, but it will be awesome to see the project through to the end, assuming it all works out okay.
Other than more responsibility at work, I've also taken on additional responsibilities with Big Shoulders Fund, the nonprofit board I'm involved with. I joined the auxiliary board last February and joined the schools committee. I was asked in December to take on a leadership role in the schools committee as the sub-committee chair for school involvement and mentors. My goal is to organize a group to attend events at 3 or more of our partner schools this year-something like a fundraiser, school play, or basketball game. I'm really excited about the additional responsibility and it puts me on track to take on greater leadership responsibilities in the group in the future.
I attended my first auxiliary board leadership meeting last week. The attendees included committee and subcommittee chairs and the auxiliary board executive leadership. Its a group of about fifteen mid-late 20 and early 30-somethings from all different backgrounds. Some currently or formerly worked in education (including a couple of TFA alums), others are in the financial industry, others in nonprofit organizations. Many have advanced degrees and others serve on several associate boards. Overall, a very well-connected, responsible, together group of people. The one thing that most of us seemed to be missing? Wedding rings. In fact there were 2 in the entire room.
Admittedly, this is a recent obsession of mine-seeing who is married (I know 10 people who got engaged in a 2 week span so forgive me for being highly observant). I noticed a similar trend in the sorority alumni group events I've attended in the past couple months. Lots of successful, well-adjusted women in the same age range (sorority girls even!). Lots of boyfriends, very few rings.
I feel like an anomaly all of a sudden. I've been slowly catching onto this idea for awhile, but its finally hitting me. Maybe it is weird that I'm a 24 year old woman who has a steady job with opportunities to advance yet relatively manageable work hours, I'm in a stable relationship with a pretty well-defined future, I live independently of my parents, I attend church most Sundays, I'm involved in many activities outside of work, I go the to gym regularly, I see my family at least once a month, I am preparing to go back to school, and I am at least progressing on the friend front. There has definitely been a lot less bar time in the past 8 months and maybe less free time than I'd ideally like, but its nothing that I didn't expect. I guess where I see myself in 5 or 10 years is in a very different place than my auxiliary board and alumni sorority sisters are right now. Granted, plans don't always work out that way which I'm slowly but surely learning about. Maybe in 5 years I'll be the one without the ring, piecing together odd jobs or working 60 hours a week. Or maybe I'll be in the complete opposite end deciding to put my career on hold to take care of my 2.5 children, dog, and cat in a house in a development in Joliet. Both of those thoughts make me shudder a little, although this article made my morning: http://www.thesuburbanjungle.com/15-tips-to-help-moms-survive-in-the-suburban-jungle
I'm not trying to hold judgement on anyone who is in a different place than I imagine myself to be in 5-10 years, but just wondering what I need to be doing differently now so that I continue to make progress towards where I want to be. I guess its just a new take on the classic "can I have it all?" question. Wonder what the answer will be for me!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
A Look Back at 2012
Because I'm an overachiever (okay, really because I like lists), I not only made New Year's Resolutions last year but also followed those up a list of objectives for self-improvement. Although I didn't necessarily give these all a lot of thought throughout the year, I did a pretty good job in what I set out to do. Lets see how I measure up!
New Years Resolutions:
1. Puke less than once a month from drinking too much-successful! Hasn't happened once since the night before Dan moved in, how nice! Not going to cigar club has certainly helped that resolution out quite a bit! Trying to learn to remember to eat dinner before I go out as well
2. Weigh 130lbs on December 31st-Well, this is my own ultimate failure. I will say that according to the healthcare test I did for work, I didn't gain, or lose, any weight this year. So it could be worse since living with Dan has definitely had a negative affect on the health of my diet. But, I'm trying to remind myself to be grateful for the body that I have because it has done amazing things for me this year--like finish 10 miles in the Chicago Perfect 10--something I never thought I'd be able to do!
3. Have $5000 in my general savings account on December 31st-Achieved and surpassed a little on my own, and a lot considering I sold my car yesterday as well. Now I get to spend some time figuring out how/where I want to invest the money to save for grad school, a down payment, or perhaps a wedding.
Objectives for Self-Improvement:
1. Effectively and efficiently complete 6 hours of work per day, 5 days a week- For those of you who know that I work 40 hour weeks, this probably seems a little suspicious. However, I will tell you that there was more than 1 week during my first rotation at Aon that I wasn't working even 1/4 of the time I should have been, which unfortunately isn't an all together uncommon experience in the ECD program, at least in IT. I am happy to say that despite a few dead weeks at the beginning of my second rotation, I have been much busier this past year and very happy for that!
2. Complete ITIL certification-this was a requirement (perhaps a loose requirement at best) for the ECD program which I am happy to say I completed at the end of August (or maybe beginning of September, don't really remember) this year!
3. Find 5 leadership opportunities both inside/outside of work- I surpassed this goal within months of making it, and didn't even have to try very hard to do so. This year I joined the alumni chapter of Alpha Chi Omega and took on the role of Assistant VP Programming. I also joined the Communications Committee at the Union League Club. I increased my role with the University of Richmond Alumni Recruitment Committee to serve as the Regional Co-coordinator after my friend Alison left the city for grad school. At work I created the IT development plan for the new ECD class alongside my mentor. My biggest leadership commitment in the past year and continuing on to next year though is through Big Shoulders Fund. I joined the Auxiliary Board in February and started participating in the schools committee right away. I also participated in 4 and led 2 of our Give Back Days which has been one of my favorite parts of Big Shoulders-and recruited 4 new participants for our October one! Next year I've been asked to serve as a sub-committee chair for volunteers and mentors as part of my committee and am also hoping to start a college counseling program in some of our high schools to encourage students to apply to more elite schools outside of the state like the University of Richmond.
4. Make 2 consistent new friends-definitely not one of my easiest goals but I think that meeting Colleen and Rachel this year allow me to check it off the list. Although Rachel and I haven't actually seen each other in literally months, we do gchat on almost a daily basis, since we're in similar fields we understand each other's work complaints like few others do! Colleen and I met at the Union League club and have spent a lot of time together in the past month-looking forward to more time together in 2013 as we train for the Rock 'N Roll Half Marathon (note: Colleen this means you have to do it!! Official because its in the blog!!)
5. Lose 15lbs-as discussed above, this did not happen. There's always next year, haha
6. Become more disciplined-eh, questionable for sure. But one thing I did this year which really helped me understand myself was doing a short course (for lack of better word through church) called Strengths for the Journey. In this I retook a Gallup administered strengths test which I took as part of a leadership conference my junior year of college. As part of a small group through St. Clements Church, we discussed our strengths through more of a Catholic lens. My top strengths were as follows: focus, learner, analytical, responsibility, input. If nothing else, this exercise assured me that I'm in the right career path, haha. No people skills=I definitely wouldn't have made a good teacher! So it took me awhile to get my head around the fact that having focus as a strength didn't mean I am necessarily disciplined-they are actually separate strengths. Focus is having an endpoint in mind, discipline is the ability to get there. So I guess its something I can continue working on in 2013 and probably the rest of my life.
7. Wake up without hitting the snooze button-I did this consistently for spurts of 2012, but I will say that I've become excellent at it on days when I'm waking up to get to a 6am class at the gym and, when I was training for the Chicago Perfect 10, was also good at it for my running mornings. I'm also better when Dan has already left for work and there's no one to snuggle with, haha. But I know I am capable of it, so I'm proud of that.
8. Integrate my post-college life with my relationship-this one hasn't been easy and I definitely wouldn't say I've been perfect but I'm trying. Its been difficult to spend time with my friends and away from Dan if it means I'm literally leaving him alone by himself on a Saturday night. I feel guilty about the fact that he doesn't really have any friends in the city besides his brother-his good friends from high school are still in Oak Park and everyone he works with lives in the far south/southwest suburbs so doesn't make it easy to hang out on the weekends. I'll keep working towards this goal, but its gone better than expected so far.
9. Buy new jeans-check, love LOFT even more than I already did
10. Find my niche at the Union League Club-still working on this one. Joining the Communications Committee helped me feel more like a member, although they're not really people I'll seek out at events to chat with. However, I am still striving to become better friends with some of the younger members. At one point this year I had 4 pretty solid ULC friends but after 1 moved and 1 quit, that left 2. We'll see what this next year brings! I have until September before my dues go up so that might require a decision to determine if its the best use of my time.
11. Cross one thing off my bucket list-I have several of these as well. One on pinterest, one general list that I started when I was in high school, and another "to do before I'm 30". I can definitely cross one item off the before I'm 30 list, as I've found a job that I enjoy going to at least 80% of the time. Actually, I think its more than 80% of the time. I don't always love what I'm doing at work, but I enjoy the people that I work with. Now that Dan's deserting me for Hewitt, I can't say that I'll see two of my closest friends on a daily basis, but at least I still have Laura (for now...) and plenty of other people I enjoy spending time with.
12. Read another "classic"-I created this goal with the knowledge that Pride and Prejudice became one of my all-time favorite books once I finally got through it (only took like 4 times starting it over about 3 years). I haven't completed another classic per say, but I did finish reading the Book of Genesis (another "to do before I'm 30 goal"=read the Bible) so I think that counts
13. Make my apartment feel like a home-moving in with Dan to a new apartment definitely made this happen for me. Instead of this massive apartment filled with random pieces of furniture that was somewhere in between college and real life, we now have a smaller apartment that, even if not expertly furnished, definitely seems more like a real person's apartment instead of a college one. The rule of nothing on the wall that's not framed certainly helps this!
14. Set a wedding date-well, this one didn't happen. But it was also the one most out of my control so I can't take full blame. Despite many inquires, there was no ring at Christmas nor during our very romantic New Year's Eve flight. Maybe this will become a 2013 resolution.
15. Get between 6.5-7 hours of sleep every night-officially not in college anymore and can't rely on mid-day naps to get me through! I wouldn't say I achieve this every night (some I slept more, others less) but on average I think its one to check off!
And I haven't come up with what my resolutions will be for 2013....weight loss and wedding date perhaps, probably could pretend I'm going to floss every night but I've been saying that for 10 years and it hasn't happened yet. So far I think my only resolution will be to take the GMAT. I promised myself that on January 1st I would either buy a wedding planning book or a GMAT prep book so onto amazon.com to search for study guides I go! Happy New Year to all!
New Years Resolutions:
1. Puke less than once a month from drinking too much-successful! Hasn't happened once since the night before Dan moved in, how nice! Not going to cigar club has certainly helped that resolution out quite a bit! Trying to learn to remember to eat dinner before I go out as well
2. Weigh 130lbs on December 31st-Well, this is my own ultimate failure. I will say that according to the healthcare test I did for work, I didn't gain, or lose, any weight this year. So it could be worse since living with Dan has definitely had a negative affect on the health of my diet. But, I'm trying to remind myself to be grateful for the body that I have because it has done amazing things for me this year--like finish 10 miles in the Chicago Perfect 10--something I never thought I'd be able to do!
3. Have $5000 in my general savings account on December 31st-Achieved and surpassed a little on my own, and a lot considering I sold my car yesterday as well. Now I get to spend some time figuring out how/where I want to invest the money to save for grad school, a down payment, or perhaps a wedding.
Objectives for Self-Improvement:
1. Effectively and efficiently complete 6 hours of work per day, 5 days a week- For those of you who know that I work 40 hour weeks, this probably seems a little suspicious. However, I will tell you that there was more than 1 week during my first rotation at Aon that I wasn't working even 1/4 of the time I should have been, which unfortunately isn't an all together uncommon experience in the ECD program, at least in IT. I am happy to say that despite a few dead weeks at the beginning of my second rotation, I have been much busier this past year and very happy for that!
2. Complete ITIL certification-this was a requirement (perhaps a loose requirement at best) for the ECD program which I am happy to say I completed at the end of August (or maybe beginning of September, don't really remember) this year!
3. Find 5 leadership opportunities both inside/outside of work- I surpassed this goal within months of making it, and didn't even have to try very hard to do so. This year I joined the alumni chapter of Alpha Chi Omega and took on the role of Assistant VP Programming. I also joined the Communications Committee at the Union League Club. I increased my role with the University of Richmond Alumni Recruitment Committee to serve as the Regional Co-coordinator after my friend Alison left the city for grad school. At work I created the IT development plan for the new ECD class alongside my mentor. My biggest leadership commitment in the past year and continuing on to next year though is through Big Shoulders Fund. I joined the Auxiliary Board in February and started participating in the schools committee right away. I also participated in 4 and led 2 of our Give Back Days which has been one of my favorite parts of Big Shoulders-and recruited 4 new participants for our October one! Next year I've been asked to serve as a sub-committee chair for volunteers and mentors as part of my committee and am also hoping to start a college counseling program in some of our high schools to encourage students to apply to more elite schools outside of the state like the University of Richmond.
4. Make 2 consistent new friends-definitely not one of my easiest goals but I think that meeting Colleen and Rachel this year allow me to check it off the list. Although Rachel and I haven't actually seen each other in literally months, we do gchat on almost a daily basis, since we're in similar fields we understand each other's work complaints like few others do! Colleen and I met at the Union League club and have spent a lot of time together in the past month-looking forward to more time together in 2013 as we train for the Rock 'N Roll Half Marathon (note: Colleen this means you have to do it!! Official because its in the blog!!)
5. Lose 15lbs-as discussed above, this did not happen. There's always next year, haha
6. Become more disciplined-eh, questionable for sure. But one thing I did this year which really helped me understand myself was doing a short course (for lack of better word through church) called Strengths for the Journey. In this I retook a Gallup administered strengths test which I took as part of a leadership conference my junior year of college. As part of a small group through St. Clements Church, we discussed our strengths through more of a Catholic lens. My top strengths were as follows: focus, learner, analytical, responsibility, input. If nothing else, this exercise assured me that I'm in the right career path, haha. No people skills=I definitely wouldn't have made a good teacher! So it took me awhile to get my head around the fact that having focus as a strength didn't mean I am necessarily disciplined-they are actually separate strengths. Focus is having an endpoint in mind, discipline is the ability to get there. So I guess its something I can continue working on in 2013 and probably the rest of my life.
7. Wake up without hitting the snooze button-I did this consistently for spurts of 2012, but I will say that I've become excellent at it on days when I'm waking up to get to a 6am class at the gym and, when I was training for the Chicago Perfect 10, was also good at it for my running mornings. I'm also better when Dan has already left for work and there's no one to snuggle with, haha. But I know I am capable of it, so I'm proud of that.
8. Integrate my post-college life with my relationship-this one hasn't been easy and I definitely wouldn't say I've been perfect but I'm trying. Its been difficult to spend time with my friends and away from Dan if it means I'm literally leaving him alone by himself on a Saturday night. I feel guilty about the fact that he doesn't really have any friends in the city besides his brother-his good friends from high school are still in Oak Park and everyone he works with lives in the far south/southwest suburbs so doesn't make it easy to hang out on the weekends. I'll keep working towards this goal, but its gone better than expected so far.
9. Buy new jeans-check, love LOFT even more than I already did
10. Find my niche at the Union League Club-still working on this one. Joining the Communications Committee helped me feel more like a member, although they're not really people I'll seek out at events to chat with. However, I am still striving to become better friends with some of the younger members. At one point this year I had 4 pretty solid ULC friends but after 1 moved and 1 quit, that left 2. We'll see what this next year brings! I have until September before my dues go up so that might require a decision to determine if its the best use of my time.
11. Cross one thing off my bucket list-I have several of these as well. One on pinterest, one general list that I started when I was in high school, and another "to do before I'm 30". I can definitely cross one item off the before I'm 30 list, as I've found a job that I enjoy going to at least 80% of the time. Actually, I think its more than 80% of the time. I don't always love what I'm doing at work, but I enjoy the people that I work with. Now that Dan's deserting me for Hewitt, I can't say that I'll see two of my closest friends on a daily basis, but at least I still have Laura (for now...) and plenty of other people I enjoy spending time with.
12. Read another "classic"-I created this goal with the knowledge that Pride and Prejudice became one of my all-time favorite books once I finally got through it (only took like 4 times starting it over about 3 years). I haven't completed another classic per say, but I did finish reading the Book of Genesis (another "to do before I'm 30 goal"=read the Bible) so I think that counts
13. Make my apartment feel like a home-moving in with Dan to a new apartment definitely made this happen for me. Instead of this massive apartment filled with random pieces of furniture that was somewhere in between college and real life, we now have a smaller apartment that, even if not expertly furnished, definitely seems more like a real person's apartment instead of a college one. The rule of nothing on the wall that's not framed certainly helps this!
14. Set a wedding date-well, this one didn't happen. But it was also the one most out of my control so I can't take full blame. Despite many inquires, there was no ring at Christmas nor during our very romantic New Year's Eve flight. Maybe this will become a 2013 resolution.
15. Get between 6.5-7 hours of sleep every night-officially not in college anymore and can't rely on mid-day naps to get me through! I wouldn't say I achieve this every night (some I slept more, others less) but on average I think its one to check off!
And I haven't come up with what my resolutions will be for 2013....weight loss and wedding date perhaps, probably could pretend I'm going to floss every night but I've been saying that for 10 years and it hasn't happened yet. So far I think my only resolution will be to take the GMAT. I promised myself that on January 1st I would either buy a wedding planning book or a GMAT prep book so onto amazon.com to search for study guides I go! Happy New Year to all!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Seven Christmases
A couple years ago, my dad gave me the movie Four Christmases for Christmas. If you're not familiar with the storyline, essentially this couple each has divorced parents so they have to celebrate Christmas four separate times at each parent's house. As soon as I saw it, I thought oh great, welcome to my future.
Although Dan and I each attended each other's extended family Christmas celebrations last year, this is the first year we really attempted to celebrate together with our immediate families as well. It ended up being a grand total of 7 Christmases for us (although actually more like 8 for him). Since this is 100% absurd and a reflection of not only 2 sets of divorced parents but my family's complete resistance to change (there would still probably be 6 Christmases if we weren't so difficult), I'll detail out the celebrations below for all to enjoy.
Prior to these, we also both attended work Christmas parties and a holiday dinner at the Union League Club, and 2 friend's holiday parties. I also went to a work holiday party on the 15th, a White Elephant party on the 16th and we have another white elephant/Epiphany party on January 5th.
12/21: (my brother, Danny's, graduation was this morning as well) Extended family Christmas with my mom's side-the Hedrichs at my mom's house. Presents and dinner with my immediate family (6), my aunt and 2 cousins and their spouses and 1 child, and my other aunt/uncle and their 2 boys. Dan and his friend Matt stopped by, but went to see the Killers concert so they missed out on dinner but did open presents with us. 16 for dinner, 18 people for presents. It was a crazy day!
12/22: Polish Christmas dinner with Pat (Dan's dad's) family. We drove out to Oxford, OH Saturday afternoon and arrived just in time for dinner. The Magner family has a rule that everyone must have 2 kids and only 2 kids (kidding, but seriously its a little weird!) So Pat is one of 4 siblings all of whom were there with their spouse and their 2 kids. 2 of Dan's cousins are also married with 2 kids, although only one cousin made it with her family because the other one just had her second baby a couple of months ago. So 21 people all together including me and Sam (Tim's girlfriend)
12/23: Christmas dinner with Pat's family part 2. With the exception of one aunt/uncle and the cousin who is married with kids, we all stayed in Oxford for the weekend. So slightly smaller crowd the second night, but no less fun. Pat designed the house for his sister and her family so this was the first time most people had been there and let me tell you--it was gorgeous!! If they would have let me, I probably would have moved into the library, its exactly what I want in my house. There was also a beautiful, massive Christmas tree in the middle of the house-probably about 12 feet tall and very full. I was able to see my friend Laura in the morning who is living/working in Oxford now so that was fun! And then we went for hike in the neighborhood that afternoon complete with crossing the creek on rocks and then later on a fallen tree, definitely a lot of fun but I could never live in a brand new neighborhood like that-only 5 homes!
12/24: A long drive back to Chicago for Dan followed by some confusion with Mass and then dinner with my family. My family intended to go to 4pm Mass at Ascension but my mom was furious when she arrived at 3:30 and there wasn't a seat in sight. So to St. Luke's my mom and siblings went, Dan and I visited Allison instead. Dinner was lasagna, our normal family Christmas dinner and then opening presents from the siblings.
12/24-12/25: Midnight Mass at Old St. Pats with Dan's mom and Tim. This is such a wonderful Mass to go to, but Dan was struggling since he'd been up since 8, hadn't slept well, and unlike me actually did the 5 hour drive. I didn't really nap in the car, but at least I didn't have to focus for so long. He also hates church, so that doesn't help. We finally got to bed around 2am.
Dan and I exchanged presents and stockings on Christmas morning, but I won't count that as a separate celebration. He gave me ice skates awhile ago as my main present (which I got to use for the first time on the 14th and I loved them!) and I gave him goalie pants which have padding on the hips and knees so he doesn't beat himself up as much
12/25: We went separate ways this morning since his family didn't have any real plans but he wanted to spend time with them, whereas I decided to go out to River Forest for our normal Wallace family Christmas morning. We kids opened presents from Santa/mom and our parents opened presents from us as well. Our parents got everything they asked for, courtesy of me ordering/buying everything on their lists, so they were thrilled! We gorged on our traditional Christmas breakfast of casserole, potatoes, cinnamon rolls, and fruit since we knew dinner would not be quite as good as usual.
12/25 pm: A few years ago, my dad started hosting Christmas dinner for our immediate family. By my dad hosting, I mean that we all go over to his place and I cook dinner. Plans were up in the air until the last minute this year though. He thought about taking us out to dinner due to my having such a hectic few days before, which was very nice but unnecessary. So by the time we decided that we would have dinner at home (which wasn't really an option because the only things open in Oak Park were McDonalds, Subway, and Starbucks), all the grocery stores were closed. Dinner ended up being a compilation of what ingredients were available at my moms (stuff for a Chicken and rice casserole and leftover rolls from Friday) and my dad (southwestern style frozen corn and canned green beans). So not the most well-coordinated dinner, but it tasted fine and filled us up well enough. We also got presents from my dad. He likes to coordinate all our gifts so we each got a dvd, a book, and tickets to a show (I got CSO!) The major highlight of that celebration was going to see Les Miserables in theaters. My dad pretty much forced my siblings to go because he got 6 tickets and had to fill them. The attendees ended up being my parents, Mark, Erica, me, and we exchanged my brother Danny for boyfriend Dan which worked out fairly well (same name, only 10 months apart in age-works well enough!) The movie was long and a little slow during the first half, but I enjoyed it in the end.
Between all these celebrations and Dan's friend being here since Saturday the 15th, it probably comes as no surprise that I'm so people'd out that I can't even think of being in a group again for some time. Not that I'm complaining-I'm so grateful that we have such wonderful family to get together with over the holidays. But its so nice and quiet here in my own apartment...
Although Dan and I each attended each other's extended family Christmas celebrations last year, this is the first year we really attempted to celebrate together with our immediate families as well. It ended up being a grand total of 7 Christmases for us (although actually more like 8 for him). Since this is 100% absurd and a reflection of not only 2 sets of divorced parents but my family's complete resistance to change (there would still probably be 6 Christmases if we weren't so difficult), I'll detail out the celebrations below for all to enjoy.
Prior to these, we also both attended work Christmas parties and a holiday dinner at the Union League Club, and 2 friend's holiday parties. I also went to a work holiday party on the 15th, a White Elephant party on the 16th and we have another white elephant/Epiphany party on January 5th.
12/21: (my brother, Danny's, graduation was this morning as well) Extended family Christmas with my mom's side-the Hedrichs at my mom's house. Presents and dinner with my immediate family (6), my aunt and 2 cousins and their spouses and 1 child, and my other aunt/uncle and their 2 boys. Dan and his friend Matt stopped by, but went to see the Killers concert so they missed out on dinner but did open presents with us. 16 for dinner, 18 people for presents. It was a crazy day!
12/22: Polish Christmas dinner with Pat (Dan's dad's) family. We drove out to Oxford, OH Saturday afternoon and arrived just in time for dinner. The Magner family has a rule that everyone must have 2 kids and only 2 kids (kidding, but seriously its a little weird!) So Pat is one of 4 siblings all of whom were there with their spouse and their 2 kids. 2 of Dan's cousins are also married with 2 kids, although only one cousin made it with her family because the other one just had her second baby a couple of months ago. So 21 people all together including me and Sam (Tim's girlfriend)
12/23: Christmas dinner with Pat's family part 2. With the exception of one aunt/uncle and the cousin who is married with kids, we all stayed in Oxford for the weekend. So slightly smaller crowd the second night, but no less fun. Pat designed the house for his sister and her family so this was the first time most people had been there and let me tell you--it was gorgeous!! If they would have let me, I probably would have moved into the library, its exactly what I want in my house. There was also a beautiful, massive Christmas tree in the middle of the house-probably about 12 feet tall and very full. I was able to see my friend Laura in the morning who is living/working in Oxford now so that was fun! And then we went for hike in the neighborhood that afternoon complete with crossing the creek on rocks and then later on a fallen tree, definitely a lot of fun but I could never live in a brand new neighborhood like that-only 5 homes!
12/24: A long drive back to Chicago for Dan followed by some confusion with Mass and then dinner with my family. My family intended to go to 4pm Mass at Ascension but my mom was furious when she arrived at 3:30 and there wasn't a seat in sight. So to St. Luke's my mom and siblings went, Dan and I visited Allison instead. Dinner was lasagna, our normal family Christmas dinner and then opening presents from the siblings.
12/24-12/25: Midnight Mass at Old St. Pats with Dan's mom and Tim. This is such a wonderful Mass to go to, but Dan was struggling since he'd been up since 8, hadn't slept well, and unlike me actually did the 5 hour drive. I didn't really nap in the car, but at least I didn't have to focus for so long. He also hates church, so that doesn't help. We finally got to bed around 2am.
Dan and I exchanged presents and stockings on Christmas morning, but I won't count that as a separate celebration. He gave me ice skates awhile ago as my main present (which I got to use for the first time on the 14th and I loved them!) and I gave him goalie pants which have padding on the hips and knees so he doesn't beat himself up as much
12/25: We went separate ways this morning since his family didn't have any real plans but he wanted to spend time with them, whereas I decided to go out to River Forest for our normal Wallace family Christmas morning. We kids opened presents from Santa/mom and our parents opened presents from us as well. Our parents got everything they asked for, courtesy of me ordering/buying everything on their lists, so they were thrilled! We gorged on our traditional Christmas breakfast of casserole, potatoes, cinnamon rolls, and fruit since we knew dinner would not be quite as good as usual.
12/25 pm: A few years ago, my dad started hosting Christmas dinner for our immediate family. By my dad hosting, I mean that we all go over to his place and I cook dinner. Plans were up in the air until the last minute this year though. He thought about taking us out to dinner due to my having such a hectic few days before, which was very nice but unnecessary. So by the time we decided that we would have dinner at home (which wasn't really an option because the only things open in Oak Park were McDonalds, Subway, and Starbucks), all the grocery stores were closed. Dinner ended up being a compilation of what ingredients were available at my moms (stuff for a Chicken and rice casserole and leftover rolls from Friday) and my dad (southwestern style frozen corn and canned green beans). So not the most well-coordinated dinner, but it tasted fine and filled us up well enough. We also got presents from my dad. He likes to coordinate all our gifts so we each got a dvd, a book, and tickets to a show (I got CSO!) The major highlight of that celebration was going to see Les Miserables in theaters. My dad pretty much forced my siblings to go because he got 6 tickets and had to fill them. The attendees ended up being my parents, Mark, Erica, me, and we exchanged my brother Danny for boyfriend Dan which worked out fairly well (same name, only 10 months apart in age-works well enough!) The movie was long and a little slow during the first half, but I enjoyed it in the end.
Between all these celebrations and Dan's friend being here since Saturday the 15th, it probably comes as no surprise that I'm so people'd out that I can't even think of being in a group again for some time. Not that I'm complaining-I'm so grateful that we have such wonderful family to get together with over the holidays. But its so nice and quiet here in my own apartment...
Monday, December 10, 2012
Finding the Right Word
After doing all of my research on moving in together over the summer, I’d like to think I’m somewhat of an emerging expert in the field. I’m sure I’m not, but I’m happy to share my opinion anyways. I think there are two legitimate reasons a couple should consider moving in together. The first is that you are moving in together because it seems like the next step in figuring out if you’re compatible to go the distance. The second is that you’ve already determined that you’re a match made in heaven and it is part of the natural progression of a relationship (this option may or may not come after either engagement and/or marriage).
Most people I know tend to believe either one or the other, and aren’t necessarily afraid to voice their opinion in some way. There’s the common reaction of “you’ve been together for 6 years, why haven’t you put a ring on it?” others, although relatively few others, suggest that we’re taking things too quickly, we’ve only lived together for 6 months, there’s no reason to rush into engagement, marriage, everything else right away.
I’ll admit it, I’m a little offended by the people voicing the latter opinion. To me, it’s invalidating not only the 6 years we’ve been together, but the entirety of plenty other people’s relationships-especially thinking of my friends from more conservative or religious backgrounds, or those who also faced distance as an obstacle in relationships, who never lived together before their wedding day or for a short period of time before. Have we faced hurdles while living together that couples who dated in the same city wouldn’t necessarily face? Sure. Dan didn’t know how many clothes I pull out of the closet/ dresser while trying to get dressed for the day because most of the time I was living out of a suitcase when we were together. I didn’t know how anal Dan was about putting the toilet seat lid down or putting the toilet paper roll on a particular way because we were never around each other enough to notice little habits like that. But we also have the advantage of many years of communicating through pretty much all mediums with any number of barriers, so that helps get us through those inevitable “discussions” otherwise known as fights.
And then I look at the people, the couples, I know who are getting engaged, getting married, even on occasion having children. I would say probably 75% of the people I know who got married or engaged over the past 5 years have not been together for as long as we have. Does that mean they’re taking things too quickly? Maybe, maybe not. Am I jealous? You bet. Dan and I are of the second path, we made the decision (because that’s what the commitment to be with someone is, a decision) years ago that we’re it for each other. Moving in together is a step closer to becoming what we already know we’re going to become-life partners. For us, it was more financially feasible to move in together before getting engaged (and if you caught my last post before I took it down, you’ll understand that more). So we did. And it’s been great, better than I ever anticipated. But there’s this not-so-hidden part of me that is desperate to be something more.
When my mom introduces us to her friends at a fundraising event we are “my daughter Sarah and her boyfriend Dan”. When I’m visiting his mom at the rehab center after she had a hip replacement I’m “her son’s girlfriend”. When we list each other as emergency contacts or beneficiaries or define our relationship on our lease or insurance, we’re “partners”. When one of us is invited to another’s event, we are each other’s “significant other”. Is it so wrong to want to be more than that? Should I feel guilty for wanting to have a title that more accurately describes our relationship with one another? That distinguishes us from a couple who met a few months ago and maybe has just decided to date exclusively? Boyfriend/girlfriend works there too. And I’ve been my dad’s “date” to a variety of things; don’t really want to use that title when Dan and I are at holiday Christmas parties together. I’m sure I sound whiny, and that’s fine. I should be grateful for having the loving, stable relationship that I have, and I certainly am, I know that. But sometimes, I want my relationship acknowledged for what it is too.
Most people I know tend to believe either one or the other, and aren’t necessarily afraid to voice their opinion in some way. There’s the common reaction of “you’ve been together for 6 years, why haven’t you put a ring on it?” others, although relatively few others, suggest that we’re taking things too quickly, we’ve only lived together for 6 months, there’s no reason to rush into engagement, marriage, everything else right away.
I’ll admit it, I’m a little offended by the people voicing the latter opinion. To me, it’s invalidating not only the 6 years we’ve been together, but the entirety of plenty other people’s relationships-especially thinking of my friends from more conservative or religious backgrounds, or those who also faced distance as an obstacle in relationships, who never lived together before their wedding day or for a short period of time before. Have we faced hurdles while living together that couples who dated in the same city wouldn’t necessarily face? Sure. Dan didn’t know how many clothes I pull out of the closet/ dresser while trying to get dressed for the day because most of the time I was living out of a suitcase when we were together. I didn’t know how anal Dan was about putting the toilet seat lid down or putting the toilet paper roll on a particular way because we were never around each other enough to notice little habits like that. But we also have the advantage of many years of communicating through pretty much all mediums with any number of barriers, so that helps get us through those inevitable “discussions” otherwise known as fights.
And then I look at the people, the couples, I know who are getting engaged, getting married, even on occasion having children. I would say probably 75% of the people I know who got married or engaged over the past 5 years have not been together for as long as we have. Does that mean they’re taking things too quickly? Maybe, maybe not. Am I jealous? You bet. Dan and I are of the second path, we made the decision (because that’s what the commitment to be with someone is, a decision) years ago that we’re it for each other. Moving in together is a step closer to becoming what we already know we’re going to become-life partners. For us, it was more financially feasible to move in together before getting engaged (and if you caught my last post before I took it down, you’ll understand that more). So we did. And it’s been great, better than I ever anticipated. But there’s this not-so-hidden part of me that is desperate to be something more.
When my mom introduces us to her friends at a fundraising event we are “my daughter Sarah and her boyfriend Dan”. When I’m visiting his mom at the rehab center after she had a hip replacement I’m “her son’s girlfriend”. When we list each other as emergency contacts or beneficiaries or define our relationship on our lease or insurance, we’re “partners”. When one of us is invited to another’s event, we are each other’s “significant other”. Is it so wrong to want to be more than that? Should I feel guilty for wanting to have a title that more accurately describes our relationship with one another? That distinguishes us from a couple who met a few months ago and maybe has just decided to date exclusively? Boyfriend/girlfriend works there too. And I’ve been my dad’s “date” to a variety of things; don’t really want to use that title when Dan and I are at holiday Christmas parties together. I’m sure I sound whiny, and that’s fine. I should be grateful for having the loving, stable relationship that I have, and I certainly am, I know that. But sometimes, I want my relationship acknowledged for what it is too.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Great Birth Control
So this cat aka the absolute hands-down rule you shouldn't break when moving in together for the first time. Piper was exceptionally well behaved for the first two weeks we owned her-also known as the foster-to-adopt period. Basically, if we decided she wasn't working out we could return her and get a full refund of the adoption fees, no questions asked. She didn't scratch anything, climb on anything, meow obnoxiously, and ate whatever food we gave her.
After week 2...she slowly started showing us what she was really like. She started using the table legs as a scratching post (it was $60 from Ikea so I'm not complaining). She didn't like the new food we bought her. She'll occasionally get really hyper late at night and sprint across our bedroom, jump on Dan's nightstand, lamp, dresser, window sill and run back out the door. She tries to get out of the apartment if the door is open too long. She sleeps in the bed. She sleeps on top of the table. She climbs on the desk. She desperately tries to get to Dan's plant on the bookshelf. She's obsessed with the bathtub and sink so they're now constantly covered in cat hair. I've even found her on my dresser. These new behaviors were annoying, but not the end of the world.
And then, the world ended, sort of. Dan's schedule has been less consistent and he doesn't always have to be at work at 7:30am anymore. Since he normally feeds Piper at 6am before he leaves, she expects to be fed then. No later than 6:20am on the mornings Dan has a late start, she'll come into the room meowing to get fed. And guess who wakes up then? If you guessed me, that's correct! Only once has he heard the cat before I have. It inevitably is a horrible start to my day. To make things worse, we finally asked Dan's mom to stain and seal the Ikea dining room table and took it over to her apartment a couple of weeks ago. After losing her primary scratching post (and nap place I believe), Piper started using our bed to sleep on and the footboard to scratch. Now, almost all the furniture in our apartment was in one of our houses growing up. Almost everything, except the bed. The bed is my $800 Crate and Barrel graduation present from my mother and one of the most valuable things I own.
So on those mornings that she doesn't wake us up meowing, sometimes she'll wake us up scratching. And by us, I really mean me. We got the anti-scratching spray last week and it doesn't really seem to be working. So now we just have to keep her out of the bedroom all together. which involves covering the door with poster board and cardboard so she doesn't scratch the door up either. The only good thing that's happened so far is that my allergies don't seem to be an issue anymore, so I'll take what I can get.
I have informed Dan that there's no way we're having kids anytime soon (not that we were planning to, this just strengthens my case) because he doesn't even wake up to a hungry cat once during the night and it puts me in a bad mood. Just think of how awful I'd be to be around if I were woken up every hour or two by a hungry baby!
After week 2...she slowly started showing us what she was really like. She started using the table legs as a scratching post (it was $60 from Ikea so I'm not complaining). She didn't like the new food we bought her. She'll occasionally get really hyper late at night and sprint across our bedroom, jump on Dan's nightstand, lamp, dresser, window sill and run back out the door. She tries to get out of the apartment if the door is open too long. She sleeps in the bed. She sleeps on top of the table. She climbs on the desk. She desperately tries to get to Dan's plant on the bookshelf. She's obsessed with the bathtub and sink so they're now constantly covered in cat hair. I've even found her on my dresser. These new behaviors were annoying, but not the end of the world.
And then, the world ended, sort of. Dan's schedule has been less consistent and he doesn't always have to be at work at 7:30am anymore. Since he normally feeds Piper at 6am before he leaves, she expects to be fed then. No later than 6:20am on the mornings Dan has a late start, she'll come into the room meowing to get fed. And guess who wakes up then? If you guessed me, that's correct! Only once has he heard the cat before I have. It inevitably is a horrible start to my day. To make things worse, we finally asked Dan's mom to stain and seal the Ikea dining room table and took it over to her apartment a couple of weeks ago. After losing her primary scratching post (and nap place I believe), Piper started using our bed to sleep on and the footboard to scratch. Now, almost all the furniture in our apartment was in one of our houses growing up. Almost everything, except the bed. The bed is my $800 Crate and Barrel graduation present from my mother and one of the most valuable things I own.
So on those mornings that she doesn't wake us up meowing, sometimes she'll wake us up scratching. And by us, I really mean me. We got the anti-scratching spray last week and it doesn't really seem to be working. So now we just have to keep her out of the bedroom all together. which involves covering the door with poster board and cardboard so she doesn't scratch the door up either. The only good thing that's happened so far is that my allergies don't seem to be an issue anymore, so I'll take what I can get.
I have informed Dan that there's no way we're having kids anytime soon (not that we were planning to, this just strengthens my case) because he doesn't even wake up to a hungry cat once during the night and it puts me in a bad mood. Just think of how awful I'd be to be around if I were woken up every hour or two by a hungry baby!
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Hating Lewis
For whatever reason my evening runs during the week are never as satisfying as my long runs on the weekends. I finished 7 miles in 62 minutes last Saturday morning (first time I’ve ever run that distance). The following Tuesday, it took me about 28 minutes to run 3 miles. I think I’ve become a morning runner, for better or worse. After 2 weeks of bad evening runs, I was kind of starting to get down on myself because I just didn’t understand what was holding me back so much in the shorter runs. Then I reminded myself that I couldn’t have run 3 straight miles at this time last year. I think I topped 2 for the first time last October. So there’s really no excuse for me to be hung up on how “slow” I’m running three miles. I never really thought I’d get there, but I did.
So now I’m trying to apply the same concept to my relationship. The honeymoon period is most certainly over. We’re doing just fine-only not in fantasy land anymore. I’m blaming a lot of it on my mom though. For instance, Dan never opens the blinds in the apartment in the morning or closes them at night. I probably wouldn’t give a crap if they were open or closed-except that my mom was always on our case about it growing up and now that’s instilled in me. Same with the dishes. In the Wallace household, dishes did not enter the sink. They went straight from the table (which was the only place we were supposed to eat…) to the dishwasher. The only exception being if the dishwasher were actually running. Not clean (then we were supposed to unload it) but actually running the wash cycle. Dishes were also not allowed to sit in the sink overnight EVER. I will never forget the morning I woke up to a mac and cheese-crusted pot on my bed placed there by my father because I had left it in the sink overnight. Took me 16 years, but I had finally learned my lesson.
Apparently Dan’s parents aren’t as anal as mine, and he is totally okay with leaving dishes in the sink overnight…even for a couple of days. The blinds stay however they were when he entered the room unless some light from outside is either shining in his face or on the tv. I’ve gotten better about the dishes (mainly because I don’t want to do them since that’s his chore…) but the blinds still kill me. We only have 2 windows, it’s not that hard, right?!
Our other departure from honeymoon phase involves, no surprise, work hours. I have a fairly flexible work schedule, work standard 8 hour days 5 days a week, and only commute about 25 minutes by train each way. Dan, however, commutes between 1-1.5 hours in the car, works 10 hours a day 6 days a week and seems to be discouraged from taking any vacation time ever. He also makes less money than I do. In an ideal world, the person making less money would have the easier schedule and therefore be able to contribute to more stuff around the house, running errands, etc. Of course that’s
absolutely not the case here.
There are some evenings when I'm home for 1 or even 2 hours before Dan gets home, and Saturdays can be pretty lonely if I don't have anything else going on. This however, is where I need to circle back to my thoughts on running. For four years, we saw each other for a few days every couple of months. Once Dan started staying in North Dakota over the summer we didn't even have that uninterrupted time together either. Now I get frustrated when I only see him for three waking hours a day, sleep next to each other every night, and spend every Sunday with him. Instead of being angry at Lewis University and hung up on how much more frequently I could see him if he had a more "normal" job, I really need to focus on the fact that this is a huge improvement from a year ago, a few months ago even. I'm sure it'll take awhile for this new outlook to truly sink in, but I'll do my best to remind myself of it instead of complaining how I never get to spend any time with him.
So now I’m trying to apply the same concept to my relationship. The honeymoon period is most certainly over. We’re doing just fine-only not in fantasy land anymore. I’m blaming a lot of it on my mom though. For instance, Dan never opens the blinds in the apartment in the morning or closes them at night. I probably wouldn’t give a crap if they were open or closed-except that my mom was always on our case about it growing up and now that’s instilled in me. Same with the dishes. In the Wallace household, dishes did not enter the sink. They went straight from the table (which was the only place we were supposed to eat…) to the dishwasher. The only exception being if the dishwasher were actually running. Not clean (then we were supposed to unload it) but actually running the wash cycle. Dishes were also not allowed to sit in the sink overnight EVER. I will never forget the morning I woke up to a mac and cheese-crusted pot on my bed placed there by my father because I had left it in the sink overnight. Took me 16 years, but I had finally learned my lesson.
Apparently Dan’s parents aren’t as anal as mine, and he is totally okay with leaving dishes in the sink overnight…even for a couple of days. The blinds stay however they were when he entered the room unless some light from outside is either shining in his face or on the tv. I’ve gotten better about the dishes (mainly because I don’t want to do them since that’s his chore…) but the blinds still kill me. We only have 2 windows, it’s not that hard, right?!
Our other departure from honeymoon phase involves, no surprise, work hours. I have a fairly flexible work schedule, work standard 8 hour days 5 days a week, and only commute about 25 minutes by train each way. Dan, however, commutes between 1-1.5 hours in the car, works 10 hours a day 6 days a week and seems to be discouraged from taking any vacation time ever. He also makes less money than I do. In an ideal world, the person making less money would have the easier schedule and therefore be able to contribute to more stuff around the house, running errands, etc. Of course that’s
absolutely not the case here.
There are some evenings when I'm home for 1 or even 2 hours before Dan gets home, and Saturdays can be pretty lonely if I don't have anything else going on. This however, is where I need to circle back to my thoughts on running. For four years, we saw each other for a few days every couple of months. Once Dan started staying in North Dakota over the summer we didn't even have that uninterrupted time together either. Now I get frustrated when I only see him for three waking hours a day, sleep next to each other every night, and spend every Sunday with him. Instead of being angry at Lewis University and hung up on how much more frequently I could see him if he had a more "normal" job, I really need to focus on the fact that this is a huge improvement from a year ago, a few months ago even. I'm sure it'll take awhile for this new outlook to truly sink in, but I'll do my best to remind myself of it instead of complaining how I never get to spend any time with him.
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