Last week Dan told me were going out for dinner this past Thursday night. He refused to tell me where we were going or anything about it other than dinner is at 8 and I need to be ready by 7:15. I don't really do well with surprises, unless I don't know about them....if that makes any sense. So I kept trying to get more information out of him. I found out we could either take the el or drive there so I figured it must be in the city because 45 minutes wouldn't give us enough time to get to Evanston or Oak Park for dinner on the train. I also found out there was a dress code-only nice jeans and no gym shoes, that sort of thing.
Just to be prepared, I had to get my nails done on Wednesday night so I got my first ever no-chip manicure. I was pretty sure the big day was going to be sometime over the weekend and I needed to be prepared, obviously (my mom taught me well!)
By Thursday afternoon I had a pretty good guess of where we were going. Dan said he hadn't been there before and it wasn't a recommendation from someone else. I deduced it must be a pretty well known, dressy, place. I had picked out my outfit the night before, had just enough time (now that I'm working 7:30-4:30....) to go to muscle max and get ready by my 7:15 deadline. I was, astonishingly, only 2 minutes late. And I told Dan I would have been on time if he hadn't made me change the laundry. So I'm putting my coat on by the door, and see Dan tying his shoe. I kinda looked at him funny because every time he jokes about proposing to me he says he's going to be pretending to tie his shoe and just pull out a ring box. And that's pretty much what happened. "While I'm down here I may as well kill 2 birds with one stone, right?" After a little more chitchat and him convincing me I actually needed to walk down the hall so I wasn't just staring at him from the doorway, he said those magic words that I've been waiting to hear for, well, about 2,371 days "Sarah Breckinridge Wallace, will you marry me?". And he opened up the box of the EXACT ring I've been sending him links of for about the past year. Better yet, he caught it all on camera :)
I had this master plan of how/when I was going to tell everyone about our engagement, which of course didn't get followed. Somebody was too excited and got texts all through dinner asking him how it went. I didn't let him reply, so officially our waitress at the Signature Room (exactly where I thought we were going-Dan was kind of disappointed I guessed but I said its just proof of how well I know him) was the first person I told we were engaged....but I called my mom after dinner and my dad after that who was in the car with Danny and Erica and my grand plan generally went downhill from there.
So, now that everyone I need to tell by phone call, text, or in person (minus work...working from home on Friday got me out of that situation until Tuesday!) is complete-you, my wonderful and dedicated blog readers are next on the list! Facebook status will be changed shortly-the last step!
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
Surviving a Long Weekend Alone
A few days ago my friend Kelsey texted me asking for long-distance relationship advice. I think its probably hard to give advice that works for everyone, but I let her know what worked for Dan and me.
"Keep busy, stay in contact daily even if its just texts but don't make a set time commitment like you have to facetime at 9am every night for an hour or you'll feel trapped, at the same time have something you can count on like Dan and I always sent each other the same text every night before we went to sleep". (Can you tell I was rushing to get to a meeting as I wrote that? Total run on sentence)
Kelsey said it was the best advise she's heard so far, which is good because after 5 years I should be something of an expert :) It also helped that Dan and I reused some of those long-distance skills more recently when he took a trip to North Dakota for 5 days to visit friends still up in the tundra.
For me, keeping busy was key in college and still is. Thursday evening I did my mother's day shopping and went out to a UofR dinner. Just like at college, had to invite a friend since my "guest" was 600+ miles away. Thanks to Dan L for joining me for that event for the second year in a row! Friday I spent time with my friend Elizabeth who predates Dan by about 12 years. We participated in a club crawl which was a lot of fun, minus someone picking up her coat my mistake but that's all fixed now. That's definitely an event Dan wouldn't have wanted to go to had he been around, so it worked out okay. Plus with Friday night soccer starting again, I'm always left to fend for myself on Fridays. I spent Saturday at a church retreat which I regretted signing up for by the end of a busy week but I'm so glad I went! It was nice to have some time for reflection and I met some new people who I look forward to spending more time with at young adult Catholic events. Then came Mother's Day-my favorite day of the year (not) ! After spending last mother's day in North Dakota for Dan's graduation, the one before at my graduation, and the previous two working, it was nice to have some Wallace family bonding time. Let me tell you, I make an awesome asparagus goat cheese frittata even if it takes a couple hours....
Honestly by the time that whirlwind of a weekend was over, I didn't have a lot of time to miss Dan with few exceptions. I had to clean Piper's litter box for the first time so that was a new adventure-even used the vacuum to clean up her mess, not sure I've actually used our vacuum before. But, I am happy to say that both Piper and our two plants survived 5 days with just me. Piper may have gone about 16 hours between feedings once, and I accidentally flooded the plant which led to water spilling all over the bookcase, but those are minor details. It was also a shock to realize that throwing my tupperware in the sink after work didn't result in them magically moving to the dishwasher, and if I wanted laundry done I had to do it myself. Since our heat turned off May 1st, it was a little chilly at night without someone to cuddle with....but there was also no one to shut the blinds or windows when I wanted them open during the day. Dan, you'll be happy to know that I did not revert to leaving the lid on the toilet up, you've trained me well.
I did find us falling into old habits during our time apart. Dan's teddy bear was his co-pilot on the drive, and mine snuggled with me at night. We resumed our before-bed text but didn't stay committed to any other communication. Although I didn't want to interrupt his time with friends, I was a little disappointed to not get a phone call the whole weekend. I don't really remember calling him on my trip to Richmond though, so maybe I just got what was coming :)
Anyways, I was proud of myself for remembering how to live alone, haha, even if it wasn't super fun the whole time. To make up for it, we've got a busy weekend doing our spring cleaning this weekend and lots of social activities together next weekend! So excited that Dan's done working Saturday's for a few months!
"Keep busy, stay in contact daily even if its just texts but don't make a set time commitment like you have to facetime at 9am every night for an hour or you'll feel trapped, at the same time have something you can count on like Dan and I always sent each other the same text every night before we went to sleep". (Can you tell I was rushing to get to a meeting as I wrote that? Total run on sentence)
Kelsey said it was the best advise she's heard so far, which is good because after 5 years I should be something of an expert :) It also helped that Dan and I reused some of those long-distance skills more recently when he took a trip to North Dakota for 5 days to visit friends still up in the tundra.
For me, keeping busy was key in college and still is. Thursday evening I did my mother's day shopping and went out to a UofR dinner. Just like at college, had to invite a friend since my "guest" was 600+ miles away. Thanks to Dan L for joining me for that event for the second year in a row! Friday I spent time with my friend Elizabeth who predates Dan by about 12 years. We participated in a club crawl which was a lot of fun, minus someone picking up her coat my mistake but that's all fixed now. That's definitely an event Dan wouldn't have wanted to go to had he been around, so it worked out okay. Plus with Friday night soccer starting again, I'm always left to fend for myself on Fridays. I spent Saturday at a church retreat which I regretted signing up for by the end of a busy week but I'm so glad I went! It was nice to have some time for reflection and I met some new people who I look forward to spending more time with at young adult Catholic events. Then came Mother's Day-my favorite day of the year (not) ! After spending last mother's day in North Dakota for Dan's graduation, the one before at my graduation, and the previous two working, it was nice to have some Wallace family bonding time. Let me tell you, I make an awesome asparagus goat cheese frittata even if it takes a couple hours....
Honestly by the time that whirlwind of a weekend was over, I didn't have a lot of time to miss Dan with few exceptions. I had to clean Piper's litter box for the first time so that was a new adventure-even used the vacuum to clean up her mess, not sure I've actually used our vacuum before. But, I am happy to say that both Piper and our two plants survived 5 days with just me. Piper may have gone about 16 hours between feedings once, and I accidentally flooded the plant which led to water spilling all over the bookcase, but those are minor details. It was also a shock to realize that throwing my tupperware in the sink after work didn't result in them magically moving to the dishwasher, and if I wanted laundry done I had to do it myself. Since our heat turned off May 1st, it was a little chilly at night without someone to cuddle with....but there was also no one to shut the blinds or windows when I wanted them open during the day. Dan, you'll be happy to know that I did not revert to leaving the lid on the toilet up, you've trained me well.
I did find us falling into old habits during our time apart. Dan's teddy bear was his co-pilot on the drive, and mine snuggled with me at night. We resumed our before-bed text but didn't stay committed to any other communication. Although I didn't want to interrupt his time with friends, I was a little disappointed to not get a phone call the whole weekend. I don't really remember calling him on my trip to Richmond though, so maybe I just got what was coming :)
Anyways, I was proud of myself for remembering how to live alone, haha, even if it wasn't super fun the whole time. To make up for it, we've got a busy weekend doing our spring cleaning this weekend and lots of social activities together next weekend! So excited that Dan's done working Saturday's for a few months!
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Taking Suggestions
Yesterday was probably one of the best Friday nights I've had in awhile. Dan and I finally bit the bullet and decided to get cable (I convinced him to stay in our apartment another year which saves us anywhere from $200-$500 a month depending where we decided to move...so we splurged on $50 a month for cable). On Wednesday, Dan mentioned that if the weather was good he would be working late Thursday, Friday, AND Saturday this weekend so I decided he needed to get cable for me first since I had nothing else going on. So yesterday was the first Friday since college that I sat down and watched 3 straight hours of Friday Bride Day on TLC and it was amazing. Too bad the weather was crappy and Dan ended up being home and having to put up with it too....oh well. The only thing that might have made it better would be having Melissa sitting next to me and judging too.
I've gone back and forth over the past year with loving Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, and etc...mainly depending how upset I am about the lack of engagement/delay in my life plan. I'm clearly in a good place right now, mainly because I'm about 90% certain there is a ring hiding somewhere in the 600 sq ft surrounding me as we speak.
Thankfully Dan and I are being good-natured about the pending engagement. His new favorite game is trying to get me to find the ring. The other night I fell asleep really early and when we were talking the next morning he commented "You know I was going to propose to you last night but you fell asleep too early". His coworkers are trying to convince him that the only way he'll be able to surprise me with an engagement is if he proposes while I'm in the bathroom. So, as a little bit of payback, I'd love to get my readers' opinions on the following:
1. Proposal suggestions for Dan that don't involve a toilet (they also need be better than him taking me flying for the first time on New Year's Eve to see the fireworks over the lakefront-he set the bar high for himself!
2. Suggestions as to where in my apartment the ring is (I'm not actively searching yet....but you never know when I'll get bored!)
3. Tips for Dan's conversation with my dad to ask his permission. He's (Dan) horrified at the prospect of this but he's got it pretty easy: my dad doesn't own a gun and hasn't shot one probably as long as I've been alive, Dan's taller than him and can definitely outrun him, and my dad will probably start crying so it can't be that bad, right? Although my dad will likely retell the story whenever the occasion arrives so that's a little scary!
Feel free to comment on here or find one of us on facebook to throw out your opinion :)
I've gone back and forth over the past year with loving Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, and etc...mainly depending how upset I am about the lack of engagement/delay in my life plan. I'm clearly in a good place right now, mainly because I'm about 90% certain there is a ring hiding somewhere in the 600 sq ft surrounding me as we speak.
Thankfully Dan and I are being good-natured about the pending engagement. His new favorite game is trying to get me to find the ring. The other night I fell asleep really early and when we were talking the next morning he commented "You know I was going to propose to you last night but you fell asleep too early". His coworkers are trying to convince him that the only way he'll be able to surprise me with an engagement is if he proposes while I'm in the bathroom. So, as a little bit of payback, I'd love to get my readers' opinions on the following:
1. Proposal suggestions for Dan that don't involve a toilet (they also need be better than him taking me flying for the first time on New Year's Eve to see the fireworks over the lakefront-he set the bar high for himself!
2. Suggestions as to where in my apartment the ring is (I'm not actively searching yet....but you never know when I'll get bored!)
3. Tips for Dan's conversation with my dad to ask his permission. He's (Dan) horrified at the prospect of this but he's got it pretty easy: my dad doesn't own a gun and hasn't shot one probably as long as I've been alive, Dan's taller than him and can definitely outrun him, and my dad will probably start crying so it can't be that bad, right? Although my dad will likely retell the story whenever the occasion arrives so that's a little scary!
Feel free to comment on here or find one of us on facebook to throw out your opinion :)
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Our First Flight!
Our amazing New Years Eve celebration was the first time I ever flew with Dan, but the first commercial flight we ever took together was this recent trip to Boston. Its pretty crazy we've been dating for over 6 years and haven't flown together yet, but since all of our flights have been to visit each other or meet someplace there just hasn't been the opportunity. I like to think of our trip to Boston as our first vacation together, although that's not totally accurate. We met in Minneapolis over labor day in 2011, but I think of it as more a meeting point/middle ground than a vacation per say. We also spent a weekend in DC when Dan came to visit me once, but that seemed different too.
Dan's best friend from high school aka the reason we're dating (thanks Logan!) moved to Boston after graduating college and they haven't seen in each other in probably 3 or 4 years now. Its been awhile. I've been trying to think of a way for them to see each other for awhile, and unbelievably no one wants to go on spring break to Boston so it was a really cheap trip! Only cost about $600 for 2 flights and a hotel room for 3 nights!
This was also the first new state we've ever visited together, and there probably aren't too many more of them-besides the rest of the northeast. Dan's family tended to take outdoorsy vacations to places out west mainly whereas my family is definitely full of city/historical/internet-accessible dwellers so we stuck to the east coast where my dad's family is from or anything within driving distance of Chicago (read: Galena, Wisconsin Dells, or Door County almost every summer). In short story, we didn't overlap very much. After visiting Boston though, I can't believe it took me 24 years to get there-I fell in love. If only it were about 1000 miles southwest I would move there in a heartbeat.
Boston had everything I could dream of in someplace I'd want to live. It was walkable, had a train that went seemingly everywhere, lots of historical sights, a bustling downtown, and cute surrounding neighborhoods. Nothing I didn't like-except for maybe all the hills. Can't imagine I'd do a lot of running there after growing up in the midwest!
After an hour flight delay (which I was pretty annoyed with but by the time we were coming home seemed like no big deal) we met up Logan's sister-Steph-at the airport and then Logan came to get us. Saturday was spent pretty much aimlessly wandering the city before meeting Logan's friends for dinner. And his friends were so much fun! Yet another reason why I wish Boston were closer to Chicago-great people!
On Sunday after church Logan took us over to meet the religious brothers he lives with which was a whole different side to this Chreaster kid I knew in high school, but we only shared a few embarrassing stories. We drove up the coast to Rockport, a small town that was definitely geared towards summer tourists but still had lots of cute shops for us to wander around and delicious New England clam chowder. We headed back to the city to tour Harvard Yard courtesy of my trip advisor travel guide app and then met up with another high school friend, Ellen, for dinner. Mini OPRF reunion! Too bad Ellen lives only 2.5 hours away from me in Madison but we had to go all the way to Boston (she happened to be there visiting her sister) in order to see each other for the first time in 9 months!
Monday was our big super tourist day since Logan went back to work. Freedom Trail aka hours of walking!! Maybe not the ideal thing to do when its 30 degrees and windy but whatever, we've from Chicago so we're pretty tough! Only major downside was that some of the attractions (Paul Revere's house, the USS Constitution) were closed on Mondays during the off season. We also stopped for lunch in the North End at this awesome little hole-in-the-wall pizza place recommended by my trip adviser app. It was delicious and cheap-what could be better? Logan met us over at the Prudential center after work and drove past Fenway which Dan majorly failed to take any pictures of. Pizza (yes, more pizza) and beer/wine in the hotel room was the perfect ending to our second (and last) full day in the city.
Tuesday brought more adventures. There was a huge snow storm expected in Chicago, so I was on my phone almost the entire day refreshing our flight, making Dan look at airport weather, trying to figure out what to do. We went to the aquarium in the morning by Steph's request. I wasn't feeling to well and was stressed out about this flight thing so I'm sure I didn't exhibit the expected amount of enthusiasm (I also don't really like animals....) but I found some great gifts at the giftshop! I replaced a shark toy that Danny lost awhile ago. I called him to see what he wanted and shockingly enough he answered! I also bought this amazing Harry Otter shirt for Kelly which was pretty much the best thing ever since it combined her 2 favorite things. And I got a new key chain for myself. Its a penguin, which is kind of mine and Dan's animal mascot you could say after we saw them courting a few years ago at the Shedd aquarium and later discovered that they're one of the only animals who mates for life.
Around noon I started getting even more concerned about this flight situation. It still hadn't been cancelled which I couldn't believe so I tried calling American Airlines but my wait time was 30 minutes which just wasn't going to cut it. We decided to just head to the airport with Steph who had like a 5pm flight to our 8pm. I figured once we got to the airport we could probably hop on an earlier flight. When I asked the ticket person if we could change the flight he said it would cost $80 each because apparently they hadn't given the go-ahead to change flights due to weather yet. It was online so that was BS but whatever. Once we went through security I called AA and got through right away and was able to change to the 530pm flight home. We were only delayed about 15 minutes which astonished me given how many flights to O'Hare were cancelled. Boarded the plane, closed the door, and then an announcement saying O'Hare closed all but 1 runway and we're delayed for take-off until 9 or something. Everyone gets off the plane, they keep us updated with announcements every hour or so. We're able to board a little after 8, takeoff around 845 and land around 1030. Dan's mom was supposed to pick us up from the airport but I just told him that we'd take a cab and to let her know since our landing time was unpredictable at best. I'm sure that was the right move although spending the extra money after that horrible day didn't make things any better. I was beyond grateful to be sleeping in my own bed that night though, that's for sure.
So, our first real vacation together was overall a great experience. It was good to know that we could spend 4 days together without being apart longer than the time it took to shower. Dan also managed to keep me somewhat calmish all day Tuesday when I was caught between the stress of the flight situation and PMS. I'm sure that was one of his favorite days (sort of...) I also think I prefer the strategy of meeting Dan in our destination because he ALWAYS has bad luck with flights and I've only had a few instances despite flying (commercially) a lot more than he has. Pictures are on facebook!
Dan's best friend from high school aka the reason we're dating (thanks Logan!) moved to Boston after graduating college and they haven't seen in each other in probably 3 or 4 years now. Its been awhile. I've been trying to think of a way for them to see each other for awhile, and unbelievably no one wants to go on spring break to Boston so it was a really cheap trip! Only cost about $600 for 2 flights and a hotel room for 3 nights!
This was also the first new state we've ever visited together, and there probably aren't too many more of them-besides the rest of the northeast. Dan's family tended to take outdoorsy vacations to places out west mainly whereas my family is definitely full of city/historical/internet-accessible dwellers so we stuck to the east coast where my dad's family is from or anything within driving distance of Chicago (read: Galena, Wisconsin Dells, or Door County almost every summer). In short story, we didn't overlap very much. After visiting Boston though, I can't believe it took me 24 years to get there-I fell in love. If only it were about 1000 miles southwest I would move there in a heartbeat.
Boston had everything I could dream of in someplace I'd want to live. It was walkable, had a train that went seemingly everywhere, lots of historical sights, a bustling downtown, and cute surrounding neighborhoods. Nothing I didn't like-except for maybe all the hills. Can't imagine I'd do a lot of running there after growing up in the midwest!
After an hour flight delay (which I was pretty annoyed with but by the time we were coming home seemed like no big deal) we met up Logan's sister-Steph-at the airport and then Logan came to get us. Saturday was spent pretty much aimlessly wandering the city before meeting Logan's friends for dinner. And his friends were so much fun! Yet another reason why I wish Boston were closer to Chicago-great people!
On Sunday after church Logan took us over to meet the religious brothers he lives with which was a whole different side to this Chreaster kid I knew in high school, but we only shared a few embarrassing stories. We drove up the coast to Rockport, a small town that was definitely geared towards summer tourists but still had lots of cute shops for us to wander around and delicious New England clam chowder. We headed back to the city to tour Harvard Yard courtesy of my trip advisor travel guide app and then met up with another high school friend, Ellen, for dinner. Mini OPRF reunion! Too bad Ellen lives only 2.5 hours away from me in Madison but we had to go all the way to Boston (she happened to be there visiting her sister) in order to see each other for the first time in 9 months!
Monday was our big super tourist day since Logan went back to work. Freedom Trail aka hours of walking!! Maybe not the ideal thing to do when its 30 degrees and windy but whatever, we've from Chicago so we're pretty tough! Only major downside was that some of the attractions (Paul Revere's house, the USS Constitution) were closed on Mondays during the off season. We also stopped for lunch in the North End at this awesome little hole-in-the-wall pizza place recommended by my trip adviser app. It was delicious and cheap-what could be better? Logan met us over at the Prudential center after work and drove past Fenway which Dan majorly failed to take any pictures of. Pizza (yes, more pizza) and beer/wine in the hotel room was the perfect ending to our second (and last) full day in the city.
Tuesday brought more adventures. There was a huge snow storm expected in Chicago, so I was on my phone almost the entire day refreshing our flight, making Dan look at airport weather, trying to figure out what to do. We went to the aquarium in the morning by Steph's request. I wasn't feeling to well and was stressed out about this flight thing so I'm sure I didn't exhibit the expected amount of enthusiasm (I also don't really like animals....) but I found some great gifts at the giftshop! I replaced a shark toy that Danny lost awhile ago. I called him to see what he wanted and shockingly enough he answered! I also bought this amazing Harry Otter shirt for Kelly which was pretty much the best thing ever since it combined her 2 favorite things. And I got a new key chain for myself. Its a penguin, which is kind of mine and Dan's animal mascot you could say after we saw them courting a few years ago at the Shedd aquarium and later discovered that they're one of the only animals who mates for life.
Around noon I started getting even more concerned about this flight situation. It still hadn't been cancelled which I couldn't believe so I tried calling American Airlines but my wait time was 30 minutes which just wasn't going to cut it. We decided to just head to the airport with Steph who had like a 5pm flight to our 8pm. I figured once we got to the airport we could probably hop on an earlier flight. When I asked the ticket person if we could change the flight he said it would cost $80 each because apparently they hadn't given the go-ahead to change flights due to weather yet. It was online so that was BS but whatever. Once we went through security I called AA and got through right away and was able to change to the 530pm flight home. We were only delayed about 15 minutes which astonished me given how many flights to O'Hare were cancelled. Boarded the plane, closed the door, and then an announcement saying O'Hare closed all but 1 runway and we're delayed for take-off until 9 or something. Everyone gets off the plane, they keep us updated with announcements every hour or so. We're able to board a little after 8, takeoff around 845 and land around 1030. Dan's mom was supposed to pick us up from the airport but I just told him that we'd take a cab and to let her know since our landing time was unpredictable at best. I'm sure that was the right move although spending the extra money after that horrible day didn't make things any better. I was beyond grateful to be sleeping in my own bed that night though, that's for sure.
So, our first real vacation together was overall a great experience. It was good to know that we could spend 4 days together without being apart longer than the time it took to shower. Dan also managed to keep me somewhat calmish all day Tuesday when I was caught between the stress of the flight situation and PMS. I'm sure that was one of his favorite days (sort of...) I also think I prefer the strategy of meeting Dan in our destination because he ALWAYS has bad luck with flights and I've only had a few instances despite flying (commercially) a lot more than he has. Pictures are on facebook!
Friday, March 1, 2013
Life is a game, play it.
Life has been one of my favorite games for a long time, and I'm just now remembering, its the game Dan and I played on our first date back on November 25th, 2006 (His one concession to forcing me to eat dinner with his family and watch USC crush Notre Dame that night).
The one thing I dislike about Life though, is that it frequently causes me to relive one of my fears-having children. Its not the idea of having kids of my own that scares me, I desperately want to have a family-a big one if possible. Its the reality of the actually having children that is more terrifying. I'm not talking about the being pregnant/giving birth thing (although after reading too many of my cousin's "things no one tells you about giving birth" pins on pinterest that whole ordeal is a lot scarier), its the actually being able to get pregnant and the aftermath that is more scary. It took my parents a long time to get pregnant with me, they were actually beginning to process of adoption when my mom found out she was pregnant-after about 3 years of trying. It was clearly easier with my brothers seeing as we're all the desired 2 years apart. So the ability to get pregnant part is terrifying, but then I also start to think about the genes that I likely carry. Autism is undoubtedly genetically linked, but we don't know exactly how. One theory is that its through the father, but my dad and his sister both have autistic children so that's not necessarily true in our family. I definitely believe in the idea of a sliding scale of Autism, so its a matter of how severe whatever Autistic traits are in the genes I carry versus what Dan has (no history of Autism in his family so that's positive). Even scarier than Autism though is the history of mental illness that runs in both of our families. Honestly I think my parents will tell you its been harder to raise my non-Autistic brother over the last 15 years than it has my Autistic brother. There is a lot more uncertainty and lack of control I think with mental illness than with Autism, and uncertainty is number 2 on my things I'm afraid of list (number 1 being failure).
So back to our game. The first picture below is how I ended up retiring. I started off in college, became a salesperson earning 100K every payday, got married, was (un?)lucky enough to draw the mobile home card which was cheap, but I could have actually afforded something a little nicer this time. Just like in almost every game of life I play, I managed to skip over every single baby space save the first "baby girl" space. After my midlife crisis of becoming a teacher and taking an $80,000 pay cut (at least the mobile home made more sense), I retired at Millionaire Acres with $2.98 million after cashing in my life chips. Dan's life however, was pretty different. He graduated college and decided to become an accountant (ironic given my family's careers and the fact that I'm in charge of the bills here) who earns $60k, good starting salary-right Melissa?! Too bad promotions don't exist. He also got married and drew the very acceptable Log Cabin house card. And then the kids came....and kept coming....twin girls (his gender choice) followed by a girl and another girl and finally a boy (they just had to keep trying to get a boy!) He also retired at Millionaire Acres to try to give me a run for my money (haha), but only ended up with $1.905 million.
I won the game by a landslide...but did I really? If you ask me, I'd much rather have Dan's life.
The one thing I dislike about Life though, is that it frequently causes me to relive one of my fears-having children. Its not the idea of having kids of my own that scares me, I desperately want to have a family-a big one if possible. Its the reality of the actually having children that is more terrifying. I'm not talking about the being pregnant/giving birth thing (although after reading too many of my cousin's "things no one tells you about giving birth" pins on pinterest that whole ordeal is a lot scarier), its the actually being able to get pregnant and the aftermath that is more scary. It took my parents a long time to get pregnant with me, they were actually beginning to process of adoption when my mom found out she was pregnant-after about 3 years of trying. It was clearly easier with my brothers seeing as we're all the desired 2 years apart. So the ability to get pregnant part is terrifying, but then I also start to think about the genes that I likely carry. Autism is undoubtedly genetically linked, but we don't know exactly how. One theory is that its through the father, but my dad and his sister both have autistic children so that's not necessarily true in our family. I definitely believe in the idea of a sliding scale of Autism, so its a matter of how severe whatever Autistic traits are in the genes I carry versus what Dan has (no history of Autism in his family so that's positive). Even scarier than Autism though is the history of mental illness that runs in both of our families. Honestly I think my parents will tell you its been harder to raise my non-Autistic brother over the last 15 years than it has my Autistic brother. There is a lot more uncertainty and lack of control I think with mental illness than with Autism, and uncertainty is number 2 on my things I'm afraid of list (number 1 being failure).
So back to our game. The first picture below is how I ended up retiring. I started off in college, became a salesperson earning 100K every payday, got married, was (un?)lucky enough to draw the mobile home card which was cheap, but I could have actually afforded something a little nicer this time. Just like in almost every game of life I play, I managed to skip over every single baby space save the first "baby girl" space. After my midlife crisis of becoming a teacher and taking an $80,000 pay cut (at least the mobile home made more sense), I retired at Millionaire Acres with $2.98 million after cashing in my life chips. Dan's life however, was pretty different. He graduated college and decided to become an accountant (ironic given my family's careers and the fact that I'm in charge of the bills here) who earns $60k, good starting salary-right Melissa?! Too bad promotions don't exist. He also got married and drew the very acceptable Log Cabin house card. And then the kids came....and kept coming....twin girls (his gender choice) followed by a girl and another girl and finally a boy (they just had to keep trying to get a boy!) He also retired at Millionaire Acres to try to give me a run for my money (haha), but only ended up with $1.905 million.
I won the game by a landslide...but did I really? If you ask me, I'd much rather have Dan's life.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Being Catholic
One of my newer hobbies is looking at Amazon's top 100 free books list every few days. There is a new self-publishing industry on there for ebooks that is thriving and honestly I've enjoyed some of the books I've gotten on there as much as some traditionally published books I've read. Now, I'm pretty much just looking at the romance books on there-which there is a wide selection of. Yes, minus my book club book of the month I'm pretty much sticking to short love stories with happy endings and occasional steamy scenes. Its pretty rare that I can't predict the conclusion within the first 10 pages but I'm totally okay with that. Even in normal books I tend to read the end first so nothing new there! Can't say its great literature or necessarily mentally stimulating (although in other ways...) but I read for entertainment and entertainment it is!
I downloaded a book called "Angela's Song" a few weeks ago. The summary described it basically as a young widowed woman trying to move on with her kids after her husband's recent death, and finding love again. Okay, I can do that. What I didn't know until I started reading it, is that its a book written by and about a very devout Catholic. I was raised Catholic and still attend church almost every week, but this was a type of Catholicism I've never seen in person. I'm talking daily Mass attending, very modest clothes wearing, natural family planning, and no kissing before marriage type of Catholicism. Honestly I'm not sure I realized that kind of Catholicism existed-it seemed more like an Evangelical or Mormon faith practice than the Catholic one I'm familiar with.
What would certainly have turned off many readers (at least my fellow Fifty Shades fans), actually drew in my curiosity. I began a deeper exploration of my own faith, and religion as a concept, in college. Not necessarily in the spiritual sense, but in the intellectual sense. I'm fascinated what religion prompts individuals and groups of people to do. It amazes me how people who profess to belong to the same group "Roman Catholic" can live the faith so differently. The priests at Ascension and St. Clements regularly remind us to live our faith not only on Sunday during Mass but throughout our daily lives, but even in living our faiths, they're not expecting Dan and I to bless each other before making love. Yes, that is exactly what happens in this book, after the couple is married, of course. The man is a 40-something year old virgin, for real.
It was and still is important to me to marry a Catholic guy-one of the many items on my checklist that Dan meets. But even the way we practice our faith is very different. He's a once-a-year (or maybe more depending if I'm mad at him for something) church goer, which is okay. What is important to me is being able to bring up my children in a shared faith-with both their parents as role models-so I'm letting him off the hook now...knowing he'll have many years of weekly Mass attendance coming his way.
Although I'm nowhere near making the move to align my lifestyle like the characters in Angela's Song, the book did compel me to think more about my body in a spiritual sense. I've never really done that before, besides thinking about whether my knees were bothering me too much to kneel for an extended period of time. I happened to read this book close to the beginning of Lent, for which I needed to come up with something to "give up". Basically think of this as a second chance New Years resolution for Catholics that you only have to commit to for 6 weeks. For years I did some variation of giving up sweets, which made me feel much better for 40 days but I always reverted back to my normal habits. Last year I decided to work on avoiding sloth (one of the seven deadly sins as my AXO sisters can attest to!) by not hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock during the work week. Also didn't stick, but at least now I know I'm capable of doing it if I put my mind to it.
Every year I hear the same mini lecture from the priest at Ash Wednesday prayer service or Mass talking about how we don't need to "give up" something, we could do something instead. And if we do choose to give up something, we shouldn't brag about it or even tempt other people to say what they're doing by asking them. Granted, I got an email from Allison on Ash Wednesday morning asking me what I was giving up, so didn't avoid that temptation very well! We were also asked not to write anything on facebook about it....so I'm not, just on my blog :)
I didn't really want to give up sweets again and although I thought about giving up drinking alcohol I didn't really feel like that was doing much for God. I did recognize, however, that I've been under a lot of stress at work recently and it was manifesting itself in different ways. I've always been an emotional eater, I definitely take out my stress by being short with people I love (learned/inherited that one from my mom-thanks....), and working out normally takes care of any other concerns. For really the first time in my life, however, I had consecutive weeks with nearly sleepless nights because my brain couldn't shut off no matter what I did. Dan had to lull me to sleep by reciting FAA regulations one night and two other nights I finished entire books between the time I got into bed around 10:30 and the time I feel asleep around 1 and 3, respectively.
Tying together my recent literary adventure, my inability to decide what to give up for Lent, and new ways of showing stress, I was inspired to do some research on what the Bible says about the body. One passage stuck out to me, and in the end inspired me to make a decision on what to do for the next forty days:
"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."(1 Corinthians 6: 19-20)
Now I'm not entirely certain how I feel about that whole price thing, but that passage is a reminder to me that my body is only on loan to me for a period of time and I need to treat it well otherwise it will fail me. My personal mission for Lent then is a combination of both adding and removing habits in my daily life. As I replied to Allison's email, I'm going to find alternatives to body-harming ways of coping with stress. For me, that means less emotional eating, less drinking, and (hopefully) fewer sleepless nights. Instead, I'm making an effort to attend church, go to a yoga class, and run every week. I'm praying these are habits that I can continue with long past March 31st, guess we'll just have to see!
I downloaded a book called "Angela's Song" a few weeks ago. The summary described it basically as a young widowed woman trying to move on with her kids after her husband's recent death, and finding love again. Okay, I can do that. What I didn't know until I started reading it, is that its a book written by and about a very devout Catholic. I was raised Catholic and still attend church almost every week, but this was a type of Catholicism I've never seen in person. I'm talking daily Mass attending, very modest clothes wearing, natural family planning, and no kissing before marriage type of Catholicism. Honestly I'm not sure I realized that kind of Catholicism existed-it seemed more like an Evangelical or Mormon faith practice than the Catholic one I'm familiar with.
What would certainly have turned off many readers (at least my fellow Fifty Shades fans), actually drew in my curiosity. I began a deeper exploration of my own faith, and religion as a concept, in college. Not necessarily in the spiritual sense, but in the intellectual sense. I'm fascinated what religion prompts individuals and groups of people to do. It amazes me how people who profess to belong to the same group "Roman Catholic" can live the faith so differently. The priests at Ascension and St. Clements regularly remind us to live our faith not only on Sunday during Mass but throughout our daily lives, but even in living our faiths, they're not expecting Dan and I to bless each other before making love. Yes, that is exactly what happens in this book, after the couple is married, of course. The man is a 40-something year old virgin, for real.
It was and still is important to me to marry a Catholic guy-one of the many items on my checklist that Dan meets. But even the way we practice our faith is very different. He's a once-a-year (or maybe more depending if I'm mad at him for something) church goer, which is okay. What is important to me is being able to bring up my children in a shared faith-with both their parents as role models-so I'm letting him off the hook now...knowing he'll have many years of weekly Mass attendance coming his way.
Although I'm nowhere near making the move to align my lifestyle like the characters in Angela's Song, the book did compel me to think more about my body in a spiritual sense. I've never really done that before, besides thinking about whether my knees were bothering me too much to kneel for an extended period of time. I happened to read this book close to the beginning of Lent, for which I needed to come up with something to "give up". Basically think of this as a second chance New Years resolution for Catholics that you only have to commit to for 6 weeks. For years I did some variation of giving up sweets, which made me feel much better for 40 days but I always reverted back to my normal habits. Last year I decided to work on avoiding sloth (one of the seven deadly sins as my AXO sisters can attest to!) by not hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock during the work week. Also didn't stick, but at least now I know I'm capable of doing it if I put my mind to it.
Every year I hear the same mini lecture from the priest at Ash Wednesday prayer service or Mass talking about how we don't need to "give up" something, we could do something instead. And if we do choose to give up something, we shouldn't brag about it or even tempt other people to say what they're doing by asking them. Granted, I got an email from Allison on Ash Wednesday morning asking me what I was giving up, so didn't avoid that temptation very well! We were also asked not to write anything on facebook about it....so I'm not, just on my blog :)
I didn't really want to give up sweets again and although I thought about giving up drinking alcohol I didn't really feel like that was doing much for God. I did recognize, however, that I've been under a lot of stress at work recently and it was manifesting itself in different ways. I've always been an emotional eater, I definitely take out my stress by being short with people I love (learned/inherited that one from my mom-thanks....), and working out normally takes care of any other concerns. For really the first time in my life, however, I had consecutive weeks with nearly sleepless nights because my brain couldn't shut off no matter what I did. Dan had to lull me to sleep by reciting FAA regulations one night and two other nights I finished entire books between the time I got into bed around 10:30 and the time I feel asleep around 1 and 3, respectively.
Tying together my recent literary adventure, my inability to decide what to give up for Lent, and new ways of showing stress, I was inspired to do some research on what the Bible says about the body. One passage stuck out to me, and in the end inspired me to make a decision on what to do for the next forty days:
"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."(1 Corinthians 6: 19-20)
Now I'm not entirely certain how I feel about that whole price thing, but that passage is a reminder to me that my body is only on loan to me for a period of time and I need to treat it well otherwise it will fail me. My personal mission for Lent then is a combination of both adding and removing habits in my daily life. As I replied to Allison's email, I'm going to find alternatives to body-harming ways of coping with stress. For me, that means less emotional eating, less drinking, and (hopefully) fewer sleepless nights. Instead, I'm making an effort to attend church, go to a yoga class, and run every week. I'm praying these are habits that I can continue with long past March 31st, guess we'll just have to see!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
A League of My Own
Secret New Years resolution is to blog twice a month...just barely making my deadline with this one! Blogs on the 1st and 30th...sorry readers, I'll try to do better.
My new catchphrase as of this month is "I wish I were still an ECD". From the time I started working at Aon in July 2011 until December 31st, 2012, I was part of a rotational early career development program. There were certainly some things I didn't love about it-lack of ownership, being called an intern...but along with that came little responsibility, and the responsibility I did have was short-term. The work hours were also a lot shorter. Now there is a list of 150+ things with my name as the owner and if they don't all happen on August 5th I'm in trouble! If I were still an ECD, I'd have rolled off the project in December or coming up in June and the outcome wouldn't matter so much, to me at least. It's definitely taken some getting used to, but it will be awesome to see the project through to the end, assuming it all works out okay.
Other than more responsibility at work, I've also taken on additional responsibilities with Big Shoulders Fund, the nonprofit board I'm involved with. I joined the auxiliary board last February and joined the schools committee. I was asked in December to take on a leadership role in the schools committee as the sub-committee chair for school involvement and mentors. My goal is to organize a group to attend events at 3 or more of our partner schools this year-something like a fundraiser, school play, or basketball game. I'm really excited about the additional responsibility and it puts me on track to take on greater leadership responsibilities in the group in the future.
I attended my first auxiliary board leadership meeting last week. The attendees included committee and subcommittee chairs and the auxiliary board executive leadership. Its a group of about fifteen mid-late 20 and early 30-somethings from all different backgrounds. Some currently or formerly worked in education (including a couple of TFA alums), others are in the financial industry, others in nonprofit organizations. Many have advanced degrees and others serve on several associate boards. Overall, a very well-connected, responsible, together group of people. The one thing that most of us seemed to be missing? Wedding rings. In fact there were 2 in the entire room.
Admittedly, this is a recent obsession of mine-seeing who is married (I know 10 people who got engaged in a 2 week span so forgive me for being highly observant). I noticed a similar trend in the sorority alumni group events I've attended in the past couple months. Lots of successful, well-adjusted women in the same age range (sorority girls even!). Lots of boyfriends, very few rings.
I feel like an anomaly all of a sudden. I've been slowly catching onto this idea for awhile, but its finally hitting me. Maybe it is weird that I'm a 24 year old woman who has a steady job with opportunities to advance yet relatively manageable work hours, I'm in a stable relationship with a pretty well-defined future, I live independently of my parents, I attend church most Sundays, I'm involved in many activities outside of work, I go the to gym regularly, I see my family at least once a month, I am preparing to go back to school, and I am at least progressing on the friend front. There has definitely been a lot less bar time in the past 8 months and maybe less free time than I'd ideally like, but its nothing that I didn't expect. I guess where I see myself in 5 or 10 years is in a very different place than my auxiliary board and alumni sorority sisters are right now. Granted, plans don't always work out that way which I'm slowly but surely learning about. Maybe in 5 years I'll be the one without the ring, piecing together odd jobs or working 60 hours a week. Or maybe I'll be in the complete opposite end deciding to put my career on hold to take care of my 2.5 children, dog, and cat in a house in a development in Joliet. Both of those thoughts make me shudder a little, although this article made my morning: http://www.thesuburbanjungle.com/15-tips-to-help-moms-survive-in-the-suburban-jungle
I'm not trying to hold judgement on anyone who is in a different place than I imagine myself to be in 5-10 years, but just wondering what I need to be doing differently now so that I continue to make progress towards where I want to be. I guess its just a new take on the classic "can I have it all?" question. Wonder what the answer will be for me!
My new catchphrase as of this month is "I wish I were still an ECD". From the time I started working at Aon in July 2011 until December 31st, 2012, I was part of a rotational early career development program. There were certainly some things I didn't love about it-lack of ownership, being called an intern...but along with that came little responsibility, and the responsibility I did have was short-term. The work hours were also a lot shorter. Now there is a list of 150+ things with my name as the owner and if they don't all happen on August 5th I'm in trouble! If I were still an ECD, I'd have rolled off the project in December or coming up in June and the outcome wouldn't matter so much, to me at least. It's definitely taken some getting used to, but it will be awesome to see the project through to the end, assuming it all works out okay.
Other than more responsibility at work, I've also taken on additional responsibilities with Big Shoulders Fund, the nonprofit board I'm involved with. I joined the auxiliary board last February and joined the schools committee. I was asked in December to take on a leadership role in the schools committee as the sub-committee chair for school involvement and mentors. My goal is to organize a group to attend events at 3 or more of our partner schools this year-something like a fundraiser, school play, or basketball game. I'm really excited about the additional responsibility and it puts me on track to take on greater leadership responsibilities in the group in the future.
I attended my first auxiliary board leadership meeting last week. The attendees included committee and subcommittee chairs and the auxiliary board executive leadership. Its a group of about fifteen mid-late 20 and early 30-somethings from all different backgrounds. Some currently or formerly worked in education (including a couple of TFA alums), others are in the financial industry, others in nonprofit organizations. Many have advanced degrees and others serve on several associate boards. Overall, a very well-connected, responsible, together group of people. The one thing that most of us seemed to be missing? Wedding rings. In fact there were 2 in the entire room.
Admittedly, this is a recent obsession of mine-seeing who is married (I know 10 people who got engaged in a 2 week span so forgive me for being highly observant). I noticed a similar trend in the sorority alumni group events I've attended in the past couple months. Lots of successful, well-adjusted women in the same age range (sorority girls even!). Lots of boyfriends, very few rings.
I feel like an anomaly all of a sudden. I've been slowly catching onto this idea for awhile, but its finally hitting me. Maybe it is weird that I'm a 24 year old woman who has a steady job with opportunities to advance yet relatively manageable work hours, I'm in a stable relationship with a pretty well-defined future, I live independently of my parents, I attend church most Sundays, I'm involved in many activities outside of work, I go the to gym regularly, I see my family at least once a month, I am preparing to go back to school, and I am at least progressing on the friend front. There has definitely been a lot less bar time in the past 8 months and maybe less free time than I'd ideally like, but its nothing that I didn't expect. I guess where I see myself in 5 or 10 years is in a very different place than my auxiliary board and alumni sorority sisters are right now. Granted, plans don't always work out that way which I'm slowly but surely learning about. Maybe in 5 years I'll be the one without the ring, piecing together odd jobs or working 60 hours a week. Or maybe I'll be in the complete opposite end deciding to put my career on hold to take care of my 2.5 children, dog, and cat in a house in a development in Joliet. Both of those thoughts make me shudder a little, although this article made my morning: http://www.thesuburbanjungle.com/15-tips-to-help-moms-survive-in-the-suburban-jungle
I'm not trying to hold judgement on anyone who is in a different place than I imagine myself to be in 5-10 years, but just wondering what I need to be doing differently now so that I continue to make progress towards where I want to be. I guess its just a new take on the classic "can I have it all?" question. Wonder what the answer will be for me!
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