I ran my first 5k last October. The Frank Lloyd Wright Race officially eliminated 1 of the 9 items on my "to-do before I'm 30 list". The other items on this list include get married, buy a house, have at least 1 baby, have a job I enjoy going to at least 80% of the time, learn how to parallel park, read the Bible, visit at least 1 new country and go on a road trip. As of October, I had accomplished 4 of the 9 goals, not too bad for only being 23! I've been on several road trips since I made that list while I was studying abroad (North Dakota twice with Dan/Tim, Ohio with Dan, to/from Richmond alone, with Megan, and with Danny, as well as our major spring break road trip to NOLA). I can also parallel park with a pretty solid success rate, at least by the third try. I certainly enjoy going to my job 80% of the time now, we'll see if that holds up when I change positions again in another month. I've even started reading the Bible...my kindle iphone app tells me I'm 5% of the way through and I started months ago. Clearly a long way to go...but Genesis is a pretty rough place to start!
As for the running, I did manage to run a 10k before running a 5k so I blew that goal away as well. However, I wasn't very specific as to what I meant by "completing a 5k" which I think was the wording of my actual goal. I ran a solid 3.1 miles for the first time in December in the Santa Hustle. That was a pretty miserable race with rain, cold, and wind resulting in a toasty 35-40 degrees for most of the race. My only motivation to keep running instead of taking a break to walk was for it to end sooner. I was pretty exhausted after that run.
I reached a new milestone just this past Thursday though. I've actually become more of a runner than I ever thought I would be. I never imagined I'd be able to complete at 10k (in just about 70 minutes too!) and now that I know what I'm able to accomplish, I'm not willing to let myself off the hook. For the first time ever on Thursday, I managed to work out before work (repeat on Friday with power sculpting at Xsport at 6am-I was on a roll!). This involved waking up at about 5:45 to hydrate a bit before running. The first mile was rough...I didn't think my map my run app would ever tell me I had hit the mile mark. I had originally just planned to do 2 miles but I wasn't even sure I'd make it there between knee pain and humidity. The second mile was a lot easier than the first though and since I was still about half a mile away from my apartment and still feeling good at the 2 mile mark I made it three. 5k before work? Never thought that would happen to me! I still remember reaching the 2 mile straight mark last September and was pretty proud of myself then! Now I'm just gearing up for the Ascension 5k in June and I should be able to come in under half an hour which I'm thrilled about. Hope Elizabeth can keep up :)
Now, what exactly does this have to do with my relationship i.e. the purpose of this blog? Well, it was right around the time of my first 5k that I started to think of myself as a semi-competent runner despite never reaching the 1.5 mile mark in the run-a-thon and my dad telling me I look funny when I run (which I do). I think it was around October that I stated fantasizing about mine and Dan's Saturday mornings together as a couple. I started thinking about how nice it would be to have a running partner other than my dog. Although Dan is naturally a faster runner than I am, I think my endurance is better at this point so we might be pretty evenly matched. We've tried going running together a few times...I can think of 3 separate occasions. The first time was in high school. He ran behind my friend Steph and I while eating animal crackers out of a ziploc bag. The second time was at Richmond and he was racing ahead of me and then running back asking if we were done doing laps around the lake yet. The third time was in North Dakota last summer and he said his knees hurt too much so we had to stop after just over 1 mile.
In my fantasy world, we run together on Saturday mornings and maybe even in the evenings after work some times. Its just the two of us to start, running maybe 3-5 miles at a time. We occasionally talk about what's going on in our lives during the runs as well. When we feel compelled, we sign up for 5ks, 8ks, maybe another 10k or even a 10 miler just to challenge ourselves. It starts off just the two of us but eventually we add in a dog (eager to run with us, medium sized, well trained, maybe doesn't shed?) and then eventually one of those super fancy, super expensive running baby strollers. Basically we look like every other couple in Southport but I'm sure we'll be in the burbs by that point anyways.
Nice fantasy, right? I'm sure this will be one of the many ideals that won't exactly work out as I have it planned in my head when it comes down to it..but its certainly nice to think about!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Job Offer (Graduation Week: The Finale!)
Dan interviewed to be a flight instructor at UND last Monday. It was a pretty extensive process involving a multiple choice test, traditional interview, and simulator test flight. When we talked later that evening, he didn't think he did too well at the interview and wasn't expecting a job offer.
On Tuesday, I received a text from him saying he got a job offer. Now, in his mind, if he were to take this job it would just be part time during the time he's already in ND to finish up his last 2 flight courses this summer. That is obviously ideal, the question still remained how realistic this would be though. It would be difficult to take on even just a couple of students and then try to leave before the summer term is over in August. Plus this job involves about 20 hours of training over 5 days, a written test, and another simulator test in order to officially employed. This made Dan a little nervous about finishing up his flight course from last semester in an appropriate period of time and made him more uncertain as to when he'd be able to start his next one. Undoubtedly, even undergoing the interview process would be a huge boost to getting a job back in Chicago in the [near] future, but having actual experience under his belt would be amazing.
He spent the next two days trying to decide what he wanted to do. At first he had decided to turn the job down, just in the interest of getting back to me sooner due to the fuss I made about him being home by June 30th to help with the moving process, pay rent, and end this long distance relationship once and for all. The selfish part of me obviously wanted him back, but now that we're getting closer and closer to that time, I am more worried than ever about him getting a job. He doesn't have flight instruction experience which certainly works against him, although having worked with college students as an RA/CA certainly helps a little bit. And he's graduating from one of the top flight programs in the country (the military affiliated schools and Embry Riddle campuses are generally considered better) which should hold some weight.
I thought back to my job search process which was long, painful, and not exactly something I'm entirely proud of. I ended up backing out of offers I accepted because my goal of coming home to Chicago was hard to come by and I didn't land my job here until pretty late in the game (as in a week after I graduated). Family issues last year made it more urgent that I come back to Chicago which is the one thing that lessens my guilt just the tiniest bit. However, I've known ever since high school that I wanted to live in Chicago long-term, which is part of the reason I chose to go away for college. Now that I made my way back here, I am extraordinarily hesitant to leave again. With my family situation, it is likely that I'll be primarily responsible for at least 3 members of my family starting within the next twenty years. And as I mentioned before, babysitters galore also add to the appeal of being here. That isn't to say that I only looked for jobs in Chicago. I applied to places pretty much all over the country but focused on the East Coast and Midwest. I made it to the final round of interviews and/or accepted positions in DC, Richmond, Milwaukee, Madison, Kansas City (MO), and Chicago. Through this whole process, Dan and I had many lengthy discussions about where we'd end up. Was he willing to move basically anywhere I found a job? Yes. This was purely by nature of me graduating first and finding a job first though. Realistically, especially now that I have some work experience and know where I'm heading to some extent, I could work in just about any city in the world. Dan, however, has much more limited options. The chances of us being able to stay in Chicago just because of his job are unlikely, but I'm definitely going to be putting up a fight every step of the way.
Dan wants to be a flight instructor at a 4 year university. Although I don't know the exact count, there are less than a couple hundred places in the country he could do that and he's not qualified to do it outside of the US. That obviously limits his job options significantly more than mine. As important as it is to me to be in Chicago long-term, its a lot harder for him to be here while dealing with his parent's recent divorce which forever changed the only family life he's ever known. So I did look for jobs in Minneapolis, and even North Dakota, to try to split the difference in distance between Dan and Chicago but it just didn't work out.
So now we're facing the same job problem, but with him. Hiring for aviation, especially at a university, is obviously a different schedule than what I was looking at so I'm trying to be patient. He had a great and promising informational interview at Lewis University, the only 4-year university with a flight school in the Chicagoland area. But they can't guarantee that they're hiring until the summer. There are of course other airports around here where he could instruct, but its not his ideal position and there's no guarantee he'd necessarily be able to work full time with benefits at any of them. Plus, all these places would obviously prefer to hire someone with experience.
So I spend most of Tuesday afternoon not only battling his job situation but then also thinking about what I want to preference as my next (and final!) rotation at Aon. It was on my commute home that I finally got the courage to ask Dan if the only reason he was planning to turn down the job at UND was because of me. He said yes, it mostly was. I realized that under no circumstances was this fair to him. As much as I didn't want him to stay up there, I couldn't take away from him a chance at his dream job. He had been willing to follow me anywhere, so there's no way I could tell him he shouldn't take a job that would only necessarily keep him away from me for a few extra weeks.
He's decided to complete training and then essentially sign up as a substitute flight instructor, just an extra one students can call if their instructor is busy when they want to fly. This is great because it doesn't commit him to staying past the time he finishes his class, but he does get the experience. Plus Dan's been able to take advantage of such instructors several times during his time at UND. Now the real challenge will be what he does for a permanent position. It sounds like he could basically opt to take this position on full time in the fall if he wanted to. It is his dream job, just not in his dream location. I'm not in a position to move to North Dakota anytime in the near future (nor would I want to) so if he were to work there full time it'd be another year of distance for us. As much as I dread that, can I really ask him to give up the very thing he's always wanted to do? Especially if the prospect of coming back to Chicago is working some random job (assuming he can get one) just to pay the rent? I don't know if I can ask him to do that, but I'm not sure I can't either.
When I reflect on the blessings and curses of falling in love with someone in high school, sacrifice of our own ambitions for the betterment of the relationship is definitely up there as one of the not-so-good consequences. We avoided this more or less by breaking up my freshman year of college. We each made our decisions of where to go to school independently of the other person's desires. Even my decision to come back to Chicago was only partially due to Dan and mostly a desire to come back here for my family and because I love this city. Dan would have followed me anywhere, that wasn't a concern. But for him to come back to Chicago now would definitely be just for me. Not that he doesn't like Chicago, but he'd be happy in a lot of different places...particularly in a smaller city and one away from his family I think.
For now, I'm making contingent plans if need be. Dan insists that he's going to come back when he's done with his courses no matter what, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. If he's not coming back, and I get this rotation that involves a lot of traveling, there's a good chance I'd just sublease the apartment we signed and move back to Oak Park for at least the next six months. Its not ideal, but nothing about this last year has necessarily been ideal so at some point I'll learn to accept that and move on. Plus when I think about the money I'll be saving instead of trying to put $1400 down for rent every month on my own, there's quite a bit of appeal.
In other news, Dan did finally complete the oral part of his first of two stage checks for his flight course. He's now one step closer to finishing last semester's course and getting started on his summer course flights. Keeping my fingers crossed he can finish this course by the end of the month...we'll see if that happens. I've given up on my June 24th return date....but hoping for July 6th so I'm not moving into OUR new apartment alone.
On Tuesday, I received a text from him saying he got a job offer. Now, in his mind, if he were to take this job it would just be part time during the time he's already in ND to finish up his last 2 flight courses this summer. That is obviously ideal, the question still remained how realistic this would be though. It would be difficult to take on even just a couple of students and then try to leave before the summer term is over in August. Plus this job involves about 20 hours of training over 5 days, a written test, and another simulator test in order to officially employed. This made Dan a little nervous about finishing up his flight course from last semester in an appropriate period of time and made him more uncertain as to when he'd be able to start his next one. Undoubtedly, even undergoing the interview process would be a huge boost to getting a job back in Chicago in the [near] future, but having actual experience under his belt would be amazing.
He spent the next two days trying to decide what he wanted to do. At first he had decided to turn the job down, just in the interest of getting back to me sooner due to the fuss I made about him being home by June 30th to help with the moving process, pay rent, and end this long distance relationship once and for all. The selfish part of me obviously wanted him back, but now that we're getting closer and closer to that time, I am more worried than ever about him getting a job. He doesn't have flight instruction experience which certainly works against him, although having worked with college students as an RA/CA certainly helps a little bit. And he's graduating from one of the top flight programs in the country (the military affiliated schools and Embry Riddle campuses are generally considered better) which should hold some weight.
I thought back to my job search process which was long, painful, and not exactly something I'm entirely proud of. I ended up backing out of offers I accepted because my goal of coming home to Chicago was hard to come by and I didn't land my job here until pretty late in the game (as in a week after I graduated). Family issues last year made it more urgent that I come back to Chicago which is the one thing that lessens my guilt just the tiniest bit. However, I've known ever since high school that I wanted to live in Chicago long-term, which is part of the reason I chose to go away for college. Now that I made my way back here, I am extraordinarily hesitant to leave again. With my family situation, it is likely that I'll be primarily responsible for at least 3 members of my family starting within the next twenty years. And as I mentioned before, babysitters galore also add to the appeal of being here. That isn't to say that I only looked for jobs in Chicago. I applied to places pretty much all over the country but focused on the East Coast and Midwest. I made it to the final round of interviews and/or accepted positions in DC, Richmond, Milwaukee, Madison, Kansas City (MO), and Chicago. Through this whole process, Dan and I had many lengthy discussions about where we'd end up. Was he willing to move basically anywhere I found a job? Yes. This was purely by nature of me graduating first and finding a job first though. Realistically, especially now that I have some work experience and know where I'm heading to some extent, I could work in just about any city in the world. Dan, however, has much more limited options. The chances of us being able to stay in Chicago just because of his job are unlikely, but I'm definitely going to be putting up a fight every step of the way.
Dan wants to be a flight instructor at a 4 year university. Although I don't know the exact count, there are less than a couple hundred places in the country he could do that and he's not qualified to do it outside of the US. That obviously limits his job options significantly more than mine. As important as it is to me to be in Chicago long-term, its a lot harder for him to be here while dealing with his parent's recent divorce which forever changed the only family life he's ever known. So I did look for jobs in Minneapolis, and even North Dakota, to try to split the difference in distance between Dan and Chicago but it just didn't work out.
So now we're facing the same job problem, but with him. Hiring for aviation, especially at a university, is obviously a different schedule than what I was looking at so I'm trying to be patient. He had a great and promising informational interview at Lewis University, the only 4-year university with a flight school in the Chicagoland area. But they can't guarantee that they're hiring until the summer. There are of course other airports around here where he could instruct, but its not his ideal position and there's no guarantee he'd necessarily be able to work full time with benefits at any of them. Plus, all these places would obviously prefer to hire someone with experience.
So I spend most of Tuesday afternoon not only battling his job situation but then also thinking about what I want to preference as my next (and final!) rotation at Aon. It was on my commute home that I finally got the courage to ask Dan if the only reason he was planning to turn down the job at UND was because of me. He said yes, it mostly was. I realized that under no circumstances was this fair to him. As much as I didn't want him to stay up there, I couldn't take away from him a chance at his dream job. He had been willing to follow me anywhere, so there's no way I could tell him he shouldn't take a job that would only necessarily keep him away from me for a few extra weeks.
He's decided to complete training and then essentially sign up as a substitute flight instructor, just an extra one students can call if their instructor is busy when they want to fly. This is great because it doesn't commit him to staying past the time he finishes his class, but he does get the experience. Plus Dan's been able to take advantage of such instructors several times during his time at UND. Now the real challenge will be what he does for a permanent position. It sounds like he could basically opt to take this position on full time in the fall if he wanted to. It is his dream job, just not in his dream location. I'm not in a position to move to North Dakota anytime in the near future (nor would I want to) so if he were to work there full time it'd be another year of distance for us. As much as I dread that, can I really ask him to give up the very thing he's always wanted to do? Especially if the prospect of coming back to Chicago is working some random job (assuming he can get one) just to pay the rent? I don't know if I can ask him to do that, but I'm not sure I can't either.
When I reflect on the blessings and curses of falling in love with someone in high school, sacrifice of our own ambitions for the betterment of the relationship is definitely up there as one of the not-so-good consequences. We avoided this more or less by breaking up my freshman year of college. We each made our decisions of where to go to school independently of the other person's desires. Even my decision to come back to Chicago was only partially due to Dan and mostly a desire to come back here for my family and because I love this city. Dan would have followed me anywhere, that wasn't a concern. But for him to come back to Chicago now would definitely be just for me. Not that he doesn't like Chicago, but he'd be happy in a lot of different places...particularly in a smaller city and one away from his family I think.
For now, I'm making contingent plans if need be. Dan insists that he's going to come back when he's done with his courses no matter what, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. If he's not coming back, and I get this rotation that involves a lot of traveling, there's a good chance I'd just sublease the apartment we signed and move back to Oak Park for at least the next six months. Its not ideal, but nothing about this last year has necessarily been ideal so at some point I'll learn to accept that and move on. Plus when I think about the money I'll be saving instead of trying to put $1400 down for rent every month on my own, there's quite a bit of appeal.
In other news, Dan did finally complete the oral part of his first of two stage checks for his flight course. He's now one step closer to finishing last semester's course and getting started on his summer course flights. Keeping my fingers crossed he can finish this course by the end of the month...we'll see if that happens. I've given up on my June 24th return date....but hoping for July 6th so I'm not moving into OUR new apartment alone.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
There is Only One Tree Hill
I know I promised a graduation week part 3 post, which I will still write, I promise! But, I was inspired to write about something else first.
A couple of months ago I sat on my couch for two hours on a Wednesday night watching the One Tree Hill Series finale. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've actually sat and watched tv in my apartment because I normally make a point of going to the gym to watch tv so I'm at least a little active. But I felt like I needed to devote my full attention to this particular episode. Although I don't think I've ever considered it my favorite tv show, I've watched One Tree Hill from the very beginning-my freshman year of high school. I'm quite certain there are still no-longer-blank tapes sitting around my mom's house somewhere with old episodes painstakingly recorded because that 7pm CST show time didn't always coincide with my mom's dinner plans. Little did I know that I would soon be able to watch every episode on Netflix, and thank God for that!
Just like when I finished the last Harry Potter book and movie, watching the series finale of One Tree Hill signified another door closed on my childhood (although not quite as drastic as with Harry Potter). That show never gained as much of a following as many tv shows, even other CW "masterpieces", but it did manage to somehow last 9 seasons. Of course as soon as the final episode was finished, I felt an urge to go back and rewatch the rest of the series. Part of my motivation was just to remember what the hell happened because its definitely hard to remember what happened during some random week night of my freshman year of high school, but some of it was just to live it all over again through Lucas, Haley, Nathan, and the rest of the gang.
My first instinct when it ended was to text Brian, the guy I dated in high school for two years. He was just as hooked on the show as I was (although it may have just been because I was so hooked...) but he watched it more or less from start to finish as well. I can't even remember how many hours we spent analyzing each episode over the phone the night it showed and then probably during school the next day too. I made the enthusiastic suggestion that we should have a One Tree Hill marathon over the summer....without really thinking that a) I could never sit through that much straight tv b) there's no way I could ever have that much consecutive free time and c) I will soon have this lovely boyfriend living with me who might not be so cool about me spending 3 days on the couch watching tv with the only other guy I've been with.
So, that plan quickly changed to me checking Netflix to see if the series were available on instant streaming which it is! I've been diligently working my way through the series ever since. I take some joy in having this foresight about who everyone ends up with and its highly amusing to see their reactions to each other upon first meeting and all the petty fights and the moments that cement their relationships. A lot of it I don't remember, or at least not the fine details. But I eagerly awaited the Nathan and Haley's marriage (both of them) Lucas's diagnosis of his heart condition, the school shooting, Karen being pregnant with Keith's child, Peyton's stalker not-brother, and Haley going into labor during her high school graduation. I find that knowing what happens in the end doesn't make the story any less enjoyable, although I'm also the girl who frequently reads the last page of books before I even start them. I like knowing what happens, particularly if its a happy ending, what can I say?
I just completed season 4 tonight which is what inspired me to write about it a little. Like Harry Potter, One Tree Hill is kind of one of those shows I grew up with. Yes, they did stretch the last 2 years of high school into 4 seasons, but that meant that I graduated high school just a few short weeks after the season 4 finale aired. They also skipped the college years for the most part, so all the characters ended up being in their mid-late twenties while I'm 23, but everything can't be perfect.
Season 4 concluded with overly dramatic parties, bonding, and "moments", not unlike those perfect moments I wrote about a few entries before, that the characters experienced before leaving Tree Hill for the summer and for college. It was essentially the last time they would all be together. And it was, because if I remember correctly the characters start dropping like flies later on. Even Lucas only lasts another season or two and he's a pretty essential character! In the final scenes, they focus in on the couples: Lucas and Peyton, Haley and Nathan, Skills and Bevin, Brooke and Chase, Mouth and Rachel. I couldn't help but be reminded of my own relationship upon graduating high school.
I dated Brian from October of my sophomore year through November of my senior year. When we finally managed our likely long-overdue breakup, I had definitively decided that I was not interested in trying to maintain a high school relationship when I left for college. Although it would be nearly 6 months before I decided where I was going to school, I knew it would be a minimum of a 5 hour drive away and likely much further. This was a huge step for me, as I spent most of junior year trying to figure out which schools in the tuition exchange program either a) had volleyball programs or b) were reasonably close to a school with a volleyball program. I think Brian signing to play volleyball at Lewis University in Romeoville, IL was the last straw for me. I knew he was capable of going to a more academically challenging school and he had always dreamed of going to college in California. To go from dreaming of San Diego to settling for a school just 45 minutes from home was a total shock to me. Whether or not he made the right decision I'll never know, but this isn't his story.
Dan and I start dating my senior year over Thanksgiving. November 25th-still the day we consider our anniversary despite jumping many hurdles in between that Saturday in 2006 and now. Our first date was dinner with his family-parents and Tim. I still haven't forgiven him for that. He only informed me that we were having dinner with them about 3 hours prior to this. So I freak out and call my friend Steph (Dan is best friends with her brother, Logan) in order to figure out what this family is like. To top off the matter, I had managed to get an infected toe a few days earlier so I wasn't allowed to wear closed toe shoes in November...flip flops are not actually normal attire in Chicago then. I'm freaking out about what I'm supposed to wear and what his parents are like and I have about an hour in which to do it because I was playing violin at Mass that evening. Thankfully Miriam spent the entire homily trying to calm me down, although I doubt Mrs. Coffman has forgiven us for that yet.
Needless to say, I managed to survive that dinner and many afterwards. But even as the summer was winding down, I still didn't envision this as a long-term thing. When we started dating, I had no idea we'd even last to my graduation or departure for college, and even when we were still dating I was dead set on my plans to breakup before I left. Despite this, Dan came to my graduation dinner with my family and we continued to have a wonderful summer together. I don't recall thinking about this deadline looming closer and closer in our future, but it was certainly there. We spent a lot of time together that summer what with my friends leaving one-by-one for pre-orientation activities and such for school and weird hours for summer jobs.
The last episode of One Tree Hill I watched this evening featured a party with the junior (soon to be senior) and senior (just graduated) classes of Tree Hill High School. Although I was never part of that kind of celebration outside of prom (I also graduated with closer to 900 students so it would have been a bit harder...), my friend Steph hosted a party before she left for the summer and before her parents sold their home in Oak Park. Pretty much everyone from our close group of friends at the end of high school was there. It was also the only time I've ever sneaked out of my house. My mom wouldn't let me spend the night at Steph's for some reason or another so I was sure to be home by my curfew, but then left again once I knew she was asleep. I left a note in the off chance that she woke up worried, but I don't think she ever knew I was gone. That night marked the last time my friends and I were all in Oak Park together. Like in a tv show, some of the characters eventually drop off. Some come back for guest appearances, others don't. Try as I might to stay in touch with all of them, its a near impossible task. Even now I'm still coping with the fact that we'll never be in the same location again which is devastating. By coming home to Chicago I certainly increased the odds that I might live just around the corner from some of them again, at least those who still have family in the area.
I'm a quote person, have been ever since junior high. I can't even tell you how many email folders, lists, and little scraps of paper I have filled with quotes. I even made Brian a 2006 day-by-day calendar with a different one of my "favorite" quotes for each day. Too bad we didn't make it through the year, oh well! I think that's one of the things I appreciated about One Tree Hill-music and language were always major parts of the series. I'm sure it was sometime in high school when I first wrote down the quote "The road is long, and in the end, the journey is the destination" (Coach Whitey Durham, obviously. When I started watching One Tree Hill again, I knew what the ending would bring. I knew who would still be on the show, which couples would be together, what new people would come into their lives, and who would die. I remembered some of the pieces of that journey, but not all of it so it was still a discovery for me. I can't predict any of that for my life, my self, try as I might (please refer to "Why I Should Never Make Plans" and "The Role of Grey" for proof of my efforts), although I imagine the end of the road, a very, very long road I hope, is death. Now that I've reaffirmed my existing beliefs on Heaven and the afterlife through the book Heaven is for Real, I'm quite certain that as long as I continue my journey as best I can, I'll be happy when my road ends.
But where will this journey take me? That's the question I don't know the answer to. I guarantee you that at Steph's party in June 2007, or a couple of months later very early in the morning when, with tears streaming down my face, I kissed Dan for what I assumed to be the last time just before I left for Richmond, that I never imagined I'd be in the position I am today. Despite a tumultuous 9 months apart and a lot of hurt feelings, he said yes to a facebook relationship request in May 2008. All part of our journey.
While Laura and I were philosophizing over Lync this week, we came to the conclusion that God has a very interesting sense of humor. Its human nature to think the grass is always greener on the other side, to want what we don't or can't have. And then we get it and we don't want it anymore. There have been so many times in my life that I've thought I knew what I want or what was best but then it turns out great that I didn't get it after all. I just imagine this God chuckling down at me knowing "you think that's what you want, but its really not-just be grateful I have it all figured out for you already".
So as for my journey, I'll leave that up to you God and try not to get in the way of what you clearly have planned for me. As for the next 5 seasons of One Tree Hill, thankfully Mark Schwahn has got that journey all figured out.
A couple of months ago I sat on my couch for two hours on a Wednesday night watching the One Tree Hill Series finale. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've actually sat and watched tv in my apartment because I normally make a point of going to the gym to watch tv so I'm at least a little active. But I felt like I needed to devote my full attention to this particular episode. Although I don't think I've ever considered it my favorite tv show, I've watched One Tree Hill from the very beginning-my freshman year of high school. I'm quite certain there are still no-longer-blank tapes sitting around my mom's house somewhere with old episodes painstakingly recorded because that 7pm CST show time didn't always coincide with my mom's dinner plans. Little did I know that I would soon be able to watch every episode on Netflix, and thank God for that!
Just like when I finished the last Harry Potter book and movie, watching the series finale of One Tree Hill signified another door closed on my childhood (although not quite as drastic as with Harry Potter). That show never gained as much of a following as many tv shows, even other CW "masterpieces", but it did manage to somehow last 9 seasons. Of course as soon as the final episode was finished, I felt an urge to go back and rewatch the rest of the series. Part of my motivation was just to remember what the hell happened because its definitely hard to remember what happened during some random week night of my freshman year of high school, but some of it was just to live it all over again through Lucas, Haley, Nathan, and the rest of the gang.
My first instinct when it ended was to text Brian, the guy I dated in high school for two years. He was just as hooked on the show as I was (although it may have just been because I was so hooked...) but he watched it more or less from start to finish as well. I can't even remember how many hours we spent analyzing each episode over the phone the night it showed and then probably during school the next day too. I made the enthusiastic suggestion that we should have a One Tree Hill marathon over the summer....without really thinking that a) I could never sit through that much straight tv b) there's no way I could ever have that much consecutive free time and c) I will soon have this lovely boyfriend living with me who might not be so cool about me spending 3 days on the couch watching tv with the only other guy I've been with.
So, that plan quickly changed to me checking Netflix to see if the series were available on instant streaming which it is! I've been diligently working my way through the series ever since. I take some joy in having this foresight about who everyone ends up with and its highly amusing to see their reactions to each other upon first meeting and all the petty fights and the moments that cement their relationships. A lot of it I don't remember, or at least not the fine details. But I eagerly awaited the Nathan and Haley's marriage (both of them) Lucas's diagnosis of his heart condition, the school shooting, Karen being pregnant with Keith's child, Peyton's stalker not-brother, and Haley going into labor during her high school graduation. I find that knowing what happens in the end doesn't make the story any less enjoyable, although I'm also the girl who frequently reads the last page of books before I even start them. I like knowing what happens, particularly if its a happy ending, what can I say?
I just completed season 4 tonight which is what inspired me to write about it a little. Like Harry Potter, One Tree Hill is kind of one of those shows I grew up with. Yes, they did stretch the last 2 years of high school into 4 seasons, but that meant that I graduated high school just a few short weeks after the season 4 finale aired. They also skipped the college years for the most part, so all the characters ended up being in their mid-late twenties while I'm 23, but everything can't be perfect.
Season 4 concluded with overly dramatic parties, bonding, and "moments", not unlike those perfect moments I wrote about a few entries before, that the characters experienced before leaving Tree Hill for the summer and for college. It was essentially the last time they would all be together. And it was, because if I remember correctly the characters start dropping like flies later on. Even Lucas only lasts another season or two and he's a pretty essential character! In the final scenes, they focus in on the couples: Lucas and Peyton, Haley and Nathan, Skills and Bevin, Brooke and Chase, Mouth and Rachel. I couldn't help but be reminded of my own relationship upon graduating high school.
I dated Brian from October of my sophomore year through November of my senior year. When we finally managed our likely long-overdue breakup, I had definitively decided that I was not interested in trying to maintain a high school relationship when I left for college. Although it would be nearly 6 months before I decided where I was going to school, I knew it would be a minimum of a 5 hour drive away and likely much further. This was a huge step for me, as I spent most of junior year trying to figure out which schools in the tuition exchange program either a) had volleyball programs or b) were reasonably close to a school with a volleyball program. I think Brian signing to play volleyball at Lewis University in Romeoville, IL was the last straw for me. I knew he was capable of going to a more academically challenging school and he had always dreamed of going to college in California. To go from dreaming of San Diego to settling for a school just 45 minutes from home was a total shock to me. Whether or not he made the right decision I'll never know, but this isn't his story.
Dan and I start dating my senior year over Thanksgiving. November 25th-still the day we consider our anniversary despite jumping many hurdles in between that Saturday in 2006 and now. Our first date was dinner with his family-parents and Tim. I still haven't forgiven him for that. He only informed me that we were having dinner with them about 3 hours prior to this. So I freak out and call my friend Steph (Dan is best friends with her brother, Logan) in order to figure out what this family is like. To top off the matter, I had managed to get an infected toe a few days earlier so I wasn't allowed to wear closed toe shoes in November...flip flops are not actually normal attire in Chicago then. I'm freaking out about what I'm supposed to wear and what his parents are like and I have about an hour in which to do it because I was playing violin at Mass that evening. Thankfully Miriam spent the entire homily trying to calm me down, although I doubt Mrs. Coffman has forgiven us for that yet.
Needless to say, I managed to survive that dinner and many afterwards. But even as the summer was winding down, I still didn't envision this as a long-term thing. When we started dating, I had no idea we'd even last to my graduation or departure for college, and even when we were still dating I was dead set on my plans to breakup before I left. Despite this, Dan came to my graduation dinner with my family and we continued to have a wonderful summer together. I don't recall thinking about this deadline looming closer and closer in our future, but it was certainly there. We spent a lot of time together that summer what with my friends leaving one-by-one for pre-orientation activities and such for school and weird hours for summer jobs.
The last episode of One Tree Hill I watched this evening featured a party with the junior (soon to be senior) and senior (just graduated) classes of Tree Hill High School. Although I was never part of that kind of celebration outside of prom (I also graduated with closer to 900 students so it would have been a bit harder...), my friend Steph hosted a party before she left for the summer and before her parents sold their home in Oak Park. Pretty much everyone from our close group of friends at the end of high school was there. It was also the only time I've ever sneaked out of my house. My mom wouldn't let me spend the night at Steph's for some reason or another so I was sure to be home by my curfew, but then left again once I knew she was asleep. I left a note in the off chance that she woke up worried, but I don't think she ever knew I was gone. That night marked the last time my friends and I were all in Oak Park together. Like in a tv show, some of the characters eventually drop off. Some come back for guest appearances, others don't. Try as I might to stay in touch with all of them, its a near impossible task. Even now I'm still coping with the fact that we'll never be in the same location again which is devastating. By coming home to Chicago I certainly increased the odds that I might live just around the corner from some of them again, at least those who still have family in the area.
I'm a quote person, have been ever since junior high. I can't even tell you how many email folders, lists, and little scraps of paper I have filled with quotes. I even made Brian a 2006 day-by-day calendar with a different one of my "favorite" quotes for each day. Too bad we didn't make it through the year, oh well! I think that's one of the things I appreciated about One Tree Hill-music and language were always major parts of the series. I'm sure it was sometime in high school when I first wrote down the quote "The road is long, and in the end, the journey is the destination" (Coach Whitey Durham, obviously. When I started watching One Tree Hill again, I knew what the ending would bring. I knew who would still be on the show, which couples would be together, what new people would come into their lives, and who would die. I remembered some of the pieces of that journey, but not all of it so it was still a discovery for me. I can't predict any of that for my life, my self, try as I might (please refer to "Why I Should Never Make Plans" and "The Role of Grey" for proof of my efforts), although I imagine the end of the road, a very, very long road I hope, is death. Now that I've reaffirmed my existing beliefs on Heaven and the afterlife through the book Heaven is for Real, I'm quite certain that as long as I continue my journey as best I can, I'll be happy when my road ends.
But where will this journey take me? That's the question I don't know the answer to. I guarantee you that at Steph's party in June 2007, or a couple of months later very early in the morning when, with tears streaming down my face, I kissed Dan for what I assumed to be the last time just before I left for Richmond, that I never imagined I'd be in the position I am today. Despite a tumultuous 9 months apart and a lot of hurt feelings, he said yes to a facebook relationship request in May 2008. All part of our journey.
While Laura and I were philosophizing over Lync this week, we came to the conclusion that God has a very interesting sense of humor. Its human nature to think the grass is always greener on the other side, to want what we don't or can't have. And then we get it and we don't want it anymore. There have been so many times in my life that I've thought I knew what I want or what was best but then it turns out great that I didn't get it after all. I just imagine this God chuckling down at me knowing "you think that's what you want, but its really not-just be grateful I have it all figured out for you already".
So as for my journey, I'll leave that up to you God and try not to get in the way of what you clearly have planned for me. As for the next 5 seasons of One Tree Hill, thankfully Mark Schwahn has got that journey all figured out.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles...
My last entry was the first one I had to edit after posting. Yes, I've given Dan veto permission over the blog. Only fair since most of it is about him. 1 of 4 though...not bad stats for me since I always get accused of oversharing. Anyways, as promised, graduation week part 2
Last weekend marked my tenth visit to Dan in North Dakota. I went up for the first time in June 2008 for his orientation with him and his mom. Then again in October 2008 during my fall break. My next trip was September 2009 before I went abroad and I spent my spring break in March 2010 there as well. Another fall break at UND in October 2010 and then a quick trip there in January 2011 with Dan and Tim (his brother) to drive him back to school when the train got cancelled due to snow (shocker). That was the one and only time I went there in the winter and I have NO desire to return. My rear car windows literally didn't defrost the entire 36 hours we were on the road/in Grand Forks. Four more trips this year in June 2011 (my mom used miles to pay for my flight to bribe me to help pack up the house before we moved), November 2011, and then my spontaneous trip a few weeks ago and graduation. 10 separate visits in 4 years, 4 in the past year, to the state that many people don't visit in their entire life. The visits got more interesting once Dan had a car but those first few trips were not exactly fabulous. Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing him and cherished every moment we spent together....but there just isn't a whole lot to do in Grand Forks, especially when your options are to walk or borrow a car from a friend (which was easier once I turned 21 and could buy booze in return).
In my North Dakota adventures, I've taken the train once, flown 6 times, taken megabus/driven, and driven twice. Flying is definitely my preferred method but also the most expensive. I was supposed to take the train for my visit last summer too but the tracks were flooded out so my mom sprung for the flight instead of having me waste precious days stuck in ND when I could have been packing. Although Dan and I haven't calculated exactly how much we've spent visiting each other over the years....my guess is its getting close to the $5000 mark (if not more) at this point...especially once you factor in hotels for our weekends spent in DC and Minneapolis. Although I guess we could have easily spent that much going on dates like normal couples during 5.5 years we've been "together"....it still seems like a lot.
Every trip to North Dakota brought new stories. From his mom almost getting us kicked off Megabus to Tim making my car fishtail in some sleepy town in rural Minnesota to Dan's residents almost busting down his door because they thought he was beating me or something. After all those separate trips, I have to say it was a very weird feeling to drive out of University Place's parking lot knowing it was the last time I'd be in Grand Forks for awhile-I hope! At least until Matt's (Dan's best friend) graduation but at this rate even December 2013 might be hopeful for him :)
Tim and I left Oak Park around 4:30 on Thursday for our last ND adventure. Thankfully we were already experienced at spending 24 hours in the car together, although Dan was around for half of it the first time as well. Looking back, it was probably our last trip to UND that Tim and I became close friends. Spending 12 hours alone in the car with someone will do that to you I suppose. I know I'm grateful to finally have an older (by 2 months) brother...he might feel the same way about having a little sister, depending on the day.
Since driving to ND doesn't hold a ton of appeal in itself, I decided to take advantage of passing through Madison and Minneapolis to visit friends. My friend Ellen moved to Madison last summer to work at Epic (I also interviewed there but didn't get an offer) and her boyfriend, Dave, joined her. This was the first time (well, other than my friend Christine who is married) that I've visited one of my friends who's living with her boyfriend. I think it was especially strange since I've known Ellen since we were 8 (go mother daughter bookclub!) So it wasn't her first apartment with a roommate or something....it was hers and Dave's (technically their second I guess but still) and their dog! They're like real people. I guess I'm a real person too, but I'm still living with a roommate. They're just more real. I guess it shouldn't throw me off as much as it did considering Dan and I have already signed a lease, but there's still something so strange about seeing Dave-and-Ellen's room instead of Ellen's room and listening to them talk about who's going to do laundry that week.
As predicted, Dave and Tim were perfectly content being left to their own devices at a bar so they could discuss the art of brewing in peace. Ellen was able to show me around Madison a bit and I have to say I really loved it. I imagine some of my dear friends would tease me for loving it since its a liberal haven...but it was more than just that, I swear. It was great to catch up with her and I hope I can go visit again soon!
Friday started off with a short run (didn't realize how hilly Madison is...) so I could tolerate sitting in the car for another 9 hours. We were able to take a break in Minneapolis to meet once of my closest friends from Richmond-Ben. He's pretty much the only guy friend I keep in touch with from school....oh how times have changed! Ben has been working at Target Corporation and apparently too busy to stay in touch frequently! He also just BOUGHT A HOUSE. That was super scary. If I thought Ellen was a real person for living with Dave...hearing about Ben's house and seeing pictures was like terrifying. Clearly not there yet. Unfortunately we couldn't spend a ton of time there so we grabbed lunch, admired the kissing room in the restaurant, and headed out again.
Once I seriously started thinking about graduation weekend on the last leg of the drive, I became increasingly grateful that I visited Dan just a few weeks ago. We were basically alone together when we were sleeping...and that was about it. I stayed in his room with him and his family stayed in hotel rooms. Can't say I'll miss the wonderful college experience of sharing a twin bed with someone else. But I started getting sentimental as soon as I walked in his room and realized how different it looked just after a few weeks. All the posters and pictures were taken down from the walls. His normally obsessively neat room was in complete disarray. The table and stools we bought and put together at the beginning of his junior year had already been sold to another resident. When everything else in his life, in both of our lives, had been a mess and there was no real place to call home, this room had been his sanctuary.
The rest of the weekend went by pretty fast. We were only in Grand Forks from about 8pm on Friday to 11am on Sunday. I originally intended to stay Sunday night as well and drive home Monday on my own. But with Dan needing to focus on passing his stage check and an interview on Monday he thought it was probably best to go back with Tim. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little bit hurt. I was hoping he'd want to spend more time with me no matter what, but it really was for the best. I was able to hold onto a day of PTO so maybe I'll be able to spend it with Dan another time later this year.
Friday night was dinner with his family and then one last 24 hour (except midnight Saturday to noon Sunday) Wal-mart adventure to get ice cream for dessert. Saturday was mostly taken up by graduation. We couldn't even do our traditional french toast breakfast on Saturday morning (we love cooking together) because Dan basically had no food in his room. Tim, Matt, and I didn't really feel like hanging around the Alerus Center for 2 hours until graduation though so we went to buy a football and threw it around for a bit outside. I learned how to catch which will hopefully help us actually complete some of the requisite girl plays during our game this week. After 3 very long hours sitting through graduation, we came up with the brilliant idea that Tim should throw Dan the football on the way out. Matt and I managed to catch Dan's attention from our seats so we started pointing towards Tim who was lower down in the stands. It took him awhile to catch on, but Dan did eventually pass off his "You will receive your diploma in the mail in 4-6 weeks" paper to the girl in line behind him and caught the pass.
The one strange part about this graduation weekend is that Dan isn't done yet. Even if UND were as cool as Richmond and gave out diplomas at the actual ceremony, he wouldn't have gotten one since he still has the two flight classes to finish up. I'm sure it was harder for him than it was for the rest of us, but it still felt not totally real since he wasn't coming home. When I graduated Richmond we packed up all of my possessions into my dad's rental SUV (you haven't seen packing until you've seen my dad pack-its a true miracle and everyone present can testify to that. My roommate's dad even stopped carrying things out to the car and just stood and watched my dad work wonders with my absurd amount of belongings) and took off the next morning. Dan packed up most of his stuff, but still had to keep the essentials around. The rest of us packed the cars to leave the next day, but he stayed there...packing up his own car and checking out of his apartment alone to move into Matt's apartment for the summer. This knowledge didn't stop us from celebrating the day though!
Since our dinner reservations weren't until 7:30 and we had several hours to kill, we went down to the river to enjoy the surprisingly beautiful day. Typical, it was me and the guys since Dan's mom and aunt decided to go back to the hotel to nap. Once again, the football came in handy to pass the time...until Tim jammed his finger. Lets hope he's better for Saturday since he's our QB! We had dinner at the same restaurant Dan and I went to for my 21st birthday, He got the graduation special-a green martini. I highly doubt I'll ever get to see him drink anything like that again. Frozen yogurt was a great dessert (yes, even ND has froyo!)
Dan and I had a discussion when we got home that evening about communicating well with one another since we had a lot of decisions to make in the next few months as to what the next stage of our relationship and our lives would look like. He made the amateur mistake of suggesting I wasn't part of his family at one point. I'm quite certain he didn't actually mean what he said but after I had spent the afternoon with his mom, dad, brother, and aunt I didn't take that comment very well. Throw in the fact that I made the graduation dinner reservations, served as a go-between on more than one occasion with both boys and their mom, suggested we go out to mother's day brunch the next day and researched a restaurant (do you know how hard it is to find brunch options in Grand Forks?!), AND bought his mother a mother's day card. So I decided to go to sleep early instead of helping him pack, using the driving as an excuse. Evidently my anger carried through into my unconscious. The next morning Dan told me I was sprawled over the entire bed minus about 6 inches along the wall. He seriously thought he'd have to sleep on the floor. This of course led to the discussion about who was going to sleep on the couch when we fought....I reasoned that since the couch was his and the bed is mine, I clearly get to stay in the bed.
Sunday brought my first mother's day away from my mom in 25 years. I was glad to help make Meg/Maureen/Ms. Magner's (I don't know what to call her...so I left the envelope blank) more special with brunch, but it was still weird to be away from my family. Just like that Thanksgiving I missed because I was in Poland, I don't think my family will ever forgive me for missing Mother's Day this year. Despite the fact that I incessantly texted and emailed my siblings to remind them of plans, bought her present months ago, and arranged for us to have lunch together this week to make up for it. I wrote in my mom's card that she needs to learn how to share me one of these days. She said no. I did make sure to call my mom that morning although most of our conversation revolved around how my brother managed to nearly total my dad's car (2nd crash, 2nd car in 3 weeks and he's only had his license a couple of months). Great mother's day present I'm sure. Side note: mother's day is freaking expensive and her birthday is in another month. I mean I know she carried my for nine months (I cringe a little every time I see one of the 5 bijillion pregnant women in Chicago these days) and gave birth to me and such...but I spent like $180 in total!! No wonder E and I have always considered it our least favorite day of the year....
Just 4 short hours after waking up and 39 hours after arriving in North Dakota, it was time for Tim and me to pull away. Our car was a little more weighed down on the way home with some of Dan's possessions and a bike we managed to acquire (Tim will have to explain that one...). The trip home was much less exciting. We alternated driving a few times until we made it home just about 12 hours after we left. The only notable stop was to get beer in Hudson and I had Arby's for the third time in my life. I ended up driving probably between 9-10 hours of the total trip...more on the way back than the way there because I wanted to finish my Nicholas Sparks audiobook before we got home. Somehow we managed to hit traffic at 9:30pm on a Sunday night coming back into Chicago. I blame Tim since it was smooth sailing until he took over in Rockford. Oh well, just meant more time for Tim and Sarah bonding since it was the only leg of the trip one of us wasn't sleeping/reading/listening to a book/watching a movie. It was a whirlwind of a weekend for sure.
And this week was at least, if not more, exciting...more to come!
Last weekend marked my tenth visit to Dan in North Dakota. I went up for the first time in June 2008 for his orientation with him and his mom. Then again in October 2008 during my fall break. My next trip was September 2009 before I went abroad and I spent my spring break in March 2010 there as well. Another fall break at UND in October 2010 and then a quick trip there in January 2011 with Dan and Tim (his brother) to drive him back to school when the train got cancelled due to snow (shocker). That was the one and only time I went there in the winter and I have NO desire to return. My rear car windows literally didn't defrost the entire 36 hours we were on the road/in Grand Forks. Four more trips this year in June 2011 (my mom used miles to pay for my flight to bribe me to help pack up the house before we moved), November 2011, and then my spontaneous trip a few weeks ago and graduation. 10 separate visits in 4 years, 4 in the past year, to the state that many people don't visit in their entire life. The visits got more interesting once Dan had a car but those first few trips were not exactly fabulous. Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing him and cherished every moment we spent together....but there just isn't a whole lot to do in Grand Forks, especially when your options are to walk or borrow a car from a friend (which was easier once I turned 21 and could buy booze in return).
In my North Dakota adventures, I've taken the train once, flown 6 times, taken megabus/driven, and driven twice. Flying is definitely my preferred method but also the most expensive. I was supposed to take the train for my visit last summer too but the tracks were flooded out so my mom sprung for the flight instead of having me waste precious days stuck in ND when I could have been packing. Although Dan and I haven't calculated exactly how much we've spent visiting each other over the years....my guess is its getting close to the $5000 mark (if not more) at this point...especially once you factor in hotels for our weekends spent in DC and Minneapolis. Although I guess we could have easily spent that much going on dates like normal couples during 5.5 years we've been "together"....it still seems like a lot.
Every trip to North Dakota brought new stories. From his mom almost getting us kicked off Megabus to Tim making my car fishtail in some sleepy town in rural Minnesota to Dan's residents almost busting down his door because they thought he was beating me or something. After all those separate trips, I have to say it was a very weird feeling to drive out of University Place's parking lot knowing it was the last time I'd be in Grand Forks for awhile-I hope! At least until Matt's (Dan's best friend) graduation but at this rate even December 2013 might be hopeful for him :)
Tim and I left Oak Park around 4:30 on Thursday for our last ND adventure. Thankfully we were already experienced at spending 24 hours in the car together, although Dan was around for half of it the first time as well. Looking back, it was probably our last trip to UND that Tim and I became close friends. Spending 12 hours alone in the car with someone will do that to you I suppose. I know I'm grateful to finally have an older (by 2 months) brother...he might feel the same way about having a little sister, depending on the day.
Since driving to ND doesn't hold a ton of appeal in itself, I decided to take advantage of passing through Madison and Minneapolis to visit friends. My friend Ellen moved to Madison last summer to work at Epic (I also interviewed there but didn't get an offer) and her boyfriend, Dave, joined her. This was the first time (well, other than my friend Christine who is married) that I've visited one of my friends who's living with her boyfriend. I think it was especially strange since I've known Ellen since we were 8 (go mother daughter bookclub!) So it wasn't her first apartment with a roommate or something....it was hers and Dave's (technically their second I guess but still) and their dog! They're like real people. I guess I'm a real person too, but I'm still living with a roommate. They're just more real. I guess it shouldn't throw me off as much as it did considering Dan and I have already signed a lease, but there's still something so strange about seeing Dave-and-Ellen's room instead of Ellen's room and listening to them talk about who's going to do laundry that week.
As predicted, Dave and Tim were perfectly content being left to their own devices at a bar so they could discuss the art of brewing in peace. Ellen was able to show me around Madison a bit and I have to say I really loved it. I imagine some of my dear friends would tease me for loving it since its a liberal haven...but it was more than just that, I swear. It was great to catch up with her and I hope I can go visit again soon!
Friday started off with a short run (didn't realize how hilly Madison is...) so I could tolerate sitting in the car for another 9 hours. We were able to take a break in Minneapolis to meet once of my closest friends from Richmond-Ben. He's pretty much the only guy friend I keep in touch with from school....oh how times have changed! Ben has been working at Target Corporation and apparently too busy to stay in touch frequently! He also just BOUGHT A HOUSE. That was super scary. If I thought Ellen was a real person for living with Dave...hearing about Ben's house and seeing pictures was like terrifying. Clearly not there yet. Unfortunately we couldn't spend a ton of time there so we grabbed lunch, admired the kissing room in the restaurant, and headed out again.
Once I seriously started thinking about graduation weekend on the last leg of the drive, I became increasingly grateful that I visited Dan just a few weeks ago. We were basically alone together when we were sleeping...and that was about it. I stayed in his room with him and his family stayed in hotel rooms. Can't say I'll miss the wonderful college experience of sharing a twin bed with someone else. But I started getting sentimental as soon as I walked in his room and realized how different it looked just after a few weeks. All the posters and pictures were taken down from the walls. His normally obsessively neat room was in complete disarray. The table and stools we bought and put together at the beginning of his junior year had already been sold to another resident. When everything else in his life, in both of our lives, had been a mess and there was no real place to call home, this room had been his sanctuary.
The rest of the weekend went by pretty fast. We were only in Grand Forks from about 8pm on Friday to 11am on Sunday. I originally intended to stay Sunday night as well and drive home Monday on my own. But with Dan needing to focus on passing his stage check and an interview on Monday he thought it was probably best to go back with Tim. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little bit hurt. I was hoping he'd want to spend more time with me no matter what, but it really was for the best. I was able to hold onto a day of PTO so maybe I'll be able to spend it with Dan another time later this year.
Friday night was dinner with his family and then one last 24 hour (except midnight Saturday to noon Sunday) Wal-mart adventure to get ice cream for dessert. Saturday was mostly taken up by graduation. We couldn't even do our traditional french toast breakfast on Saturday morning (we love cooking together) because Dan basically had no food in his room. Tim, Matt, and I didn't really feel like hanging around the Alerus Center for 2 hours until graduation though so we went to buy a football and threw it around for a bit outside. I learned how to catch which will hopefully help us actually complete some of the requisite girl plays during our game this week. After 3 very long hours sitting through graduation, we came up with the brilliant idea that Tim should throw Dan the football on the way out. Matt and I managed to catch Dan's attention from our seats so we started pointing towards Tim who was lower down in the stands. It took him awhile to catch on, but Dan did eventually pass off his "You will receive your diploma in the mail in 4-6 weeks" paper to the girl in line behind him and caught the pass.
The one strange part about this graduation weekend is that Dan isn't done yet. Even if UND were as cool as Richmond and gave out diplomas at the actual ceremony, he wouldn't have gotten one since he still has the two flight classes to finish up. I'm sure it was harder for him than it was for the rest of us, but it still felt not totally real since he wasn't coming home. When I graduated Richmond we packed up all of my possessions into my dad's rental SUV (you haven't seen packing until you've seen my dad pack-its a true miracle and everyone present can testify to that. My roommate's dad even stopped carrying things out to the car and just stood and watched my dad work wonders with my absurd amount of belongings) and took off the next morning. Dan packed up most of his stuff, but still had to keep the essentials around. The rest of us packed the cars to leave the next day, but he stayed there...packing up his own car and checking out of his apartment alone to move into Matt's apartment for the summer. This knowledge didn't stop us from celebrating the day though!
Since our dinner reservations weren't until 7:30 and we had several hours to kill, we went down to the river to enjoy the surprisingly beautiful day. Typical, it was me and the guys since Dan's mom and aunt decided to go back to the hotel to nap. Once again, the football came in handy to pass the time...until Tim jammed his finger. Lets hope he's better for Saturday since he's our QB! We had dinner at the same restaurant Dan and I went to for my 21st birthday, He got the graduation special-a green martini. I highly doubt I'll ever get to see him drink anything like that again. Frozen yogurt was a great dessert (yes, even ND has froyo!)
Dan and I had a discussion when we got home that evening about communicating well with one another since we had a lot of decisions to make in the next few months as to what the next stage of our relationship and our lives would look like. He made the amateur mistake of suggesting I wasn't part of his family at one point. I'm quite certain he didn't actually mean what he said but after I had spent the afternoon with his mom, dad, brother, and aunt I didn't take that comment very well. Throw in the fact that I made the graduation dinner reservations, served as a go-between on more than one occasion with both boys and their mom, suggested we go out to mother's day brunch the next day and researched a restaurant (do you know how hard it is to find brunch options in Grand Forks?!), AND bought his mother a mother's day card. So I decided to go to sleep early instead of helping him pack, using the driving as an excuse. Evidently my anger carried through into my unconscious. The next morning Dan told me I was sprawled over the entire bed minus about 6 inches along the wall. He seriously thought he'd have to sleep on the floor. This of course led to the discussion about who was going to sleep on the couch when we fought....I reasoned that since the couch was his and the bed is mine, I clearly get to stay in the bed.
Sunday brought my first mother's day away from my mom in 25 years. I was glad to help make Meg/Maureen/Ms. Magner's (I don't know what to call her...so I left the envelope blank) more special with brunch, but it was still weird to be away from my family. Just like that Thanksgiving I missed because I was in Poland, I don't think my family will ever forgive me for missing Mother's Day this year. Despite the fact that I incessantly texted and emailed my siblings to remind them of plans, bought her present months ago, and arranged for us to have lunch together this week to make up for it. I wrote in my mom's card that she needs to learn how to share me one of these days. She said no. I did make sure to call my mom that morning although most of our conversation revolved around how my brother managed to nearly total my dad's car (2nd crash, 2nd car in 3 weeks and he's only had his license a couple of months). Great mother's day present I'm sure. Side note: mother's day is freaking expensive and her birthday is in another month. I mean I know she carried my for nine months (I cringe a little every time I see one of the 5 bijillion pregnant women in Chicago these days) and gave birth to me and such...but I spent like $180 in total!! No wonder E and I have always considered it our least favorite day of the year....
Just 4 short hours after waking up and 39 hours after arriving in North Dakota, it was time for Tim and me to pull away. Our car was a little more weighed down on the way home with some of Dan's possessions and a bike we managed to acquire (Tim will have to explain that one...). The trip home was much less exciting. We alternated driving a few times until we made it home just about 12 hours after we left. The only notable stop was to get beer in Hudson and I had Arby's for the third time in my life. I ended up driving probably between 9-10 hours of the total trip...more on the way back than the way there because I wanted to finish my Nicholas Sparks audiobook before we got home. Somehow we managed to hit traffic at 9:30pm on a Sunday night coming back into Chicago. I blame Tim since it was smooth sailing until he took over in Rockford. Oh well, just meant more time for Tim and Sarah bonding since it was the only leg of the trip one of us wasn't sleeping/reading/listening to a book/watching a movie. It was a whirlwind of a weekend for sure.
And this week was at least, if not more, exciting...more to come!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Why I Should Never Make Plans
Dan's first flight course freshman year took a year to finish instead of a semester. Apparently this isn't unusual for the first flight course at UND, but I was in shock upon hearing this information. This just doesn't happen too often at Richmond, if it ever does. The classes are just too damn expensive to do that. Just like there are more people who graduate in under 4 years than over 4. When you're paying $50,000+ in tuition per semester there's pretty good incentive to get in and get out. It made me more than a little nervous that he was planning to teach flying for a living yet struggled through the course to get his private pilot's license. I guess flying is a little more complicated than financial accounting...but still!
Needless to say, he did manage to finish that class the following semester and several more since then. However, it seems like he never managers to finish a course right at the end of the semester. Whenever I have expectations of him coming home on a specific day, I'm almost always wrong for one reason or another. Spending all of freshman year on 1 course set him behind a course already, so he decided to spend last summer at UND to take a flight course in order to ensure he could graduate on time. Clearly this was far from the ideal situation since summers were the only time we were actually in the same place, but obviously I wanted him to graduate this year. And realistically, I didn't know until May 16, 2011 where I'd be working permanently so it was hard to justify begging him to spend the summer in Chicago if I weren't going to be there. So he stays at school to take the flight course...and by some combination of circumstances is unable to finish the course by the time fall semester started so he had to skip taking the next flight course last fall. This means he still has 2 more courses to take going into the second semester of his senior year-and they can't be taken simultaneously. I was livid and only slightly mollified when I learned that the course he needed to take in the summer was offered the first 6 weeks so he'd still be home at the end of June. The course ends June 23rd so I told him I expected him back on June 24th for us to move in together starting July 1st (now July 7th but whatever, I don't want to move stuff out by myself either!). I spend months just looking towards this date..so focused on the fact that this is when we'll be together again.
I also informed Dan awhile ago that I wasn't willing to live together before we were engaged. So in my mind for most of the past year, that meant we had to get engaged over his graduation weekend. It was basically going to be the last time we were together before we were due to start our lease. So of course I start envisioning what this proposal will look like. I had it all planned out...as if it were my job to plan it. I knew exactly when he was going to do it, where it would happen, what he would say. Even figured out how/when I'd tell people about it. I dragged him to look at rings in North Dakota last November. Then reality sets in around March. I fall in love with an apartment that's a little more than we intended to spend, but we sign the lease anyways. He realizes that although he has a great lead on a job in Chicago, he really won't even know if there's an opening until sometime in the summer. We come to the conclusion that it makes more sense for him to use his savings towards a few months of rent if he's unemployed instead of a ring. So there goes that fantasy. And I had the perfect proposal planned out and everything....
Fast forward to last Tuesday aka a week ago. Dan has his first of two stage checks for his flight course. Stage checks are basically super hard and super long tests that you have to pass in order to complete a course/get a new certification. The first part is an oral test that lasts like 2-3 hours and the second part is a flight. Dan also doesn't tend to finish them on the first try but I know he's prepared a lot for this one and there's a lot of pressure to get it finished ASAP so I'm keeping my fingers (and pretty much everything possible) crossed for him. And then I get the text saying he doesn't complete it.
It's been a long time since I was that mad at him. I almost chucked my phone across the room. In a moment I changed from the super supportive, encouraging, you-can-do-it girlfriend to a complete bitch. I call/text Allison to rant which I always do when he incompletes a stage check or is going to be coming home later from school over breaks because he hasn't finished up flying. Blowing off steam to her helps me be nicer to Dan. But this time it just wasn't going to work. Worst case scenario: he doesn't finish the flight course in time to take the last course this summer and he has to go back to ND in the fall. Clearly that in no way, shape, or form fits in with life plans a-f in my mind. Honestly, isn't 5 years of long distance enough? Do we really need to add another 6 months?
So I became super bitch. Even ranting to Allison and Melissa didn't fix this one. I literally asked him if I could remove the PTO off my calendar for Friday and Monday (took days off to go up to his graduation last weekend...) assuming he wasn't going to be able to graduate. I turned my phone off. Drank half a bottle of wine. Cried. I felt a little better when I talked to my friend Christine who was pissed off at her husband so that's worse, right? Had an awesomely hard workout to chill out. Eventually I accepted it and was able to hold a rational conversation with him sometime the next day. He assured me he'd be able to get an extension for one reason or another (I've heard that before...) and he'd still be home in time to move. I didn't take the PTO off my calendar. Was excited to see him in a few days. All was well. When I talked to his best friend Matt at graduation, I learned that Dan went over to his apartment on Tuesday night. When I explained how furious I was about the stage check situation a look of understanding spread across Matt's face as he realized why Dan came over looking for pity from him-he sure as hell wasn't getting any from me. Now Matt will still be at UND for another 3 semesters (consequences of changing his major from aviation to accounting at the beginning of junior year) so Dan returning in the fall wouldn't be the worst thing that happened to him. Fortunately, he agreed not to do anything to encourage Dan to stay any longer than he absolutely had to. He probably didn't want to be on the receiving end of my wrath either firsthand or through Dan's mood again.
More to come on graduation weekend and the aftermath later this week...stay tuned!
Needless to say, he did manage to finish that class the following semester and several more since then. However, it seems like he never managers to finish a course right at the end of the semester. Whenever I have expectations of him coming home on a specific day, I'm almost always wrong for one reason or another. Spending all of freshman year on 1 course set him behind a course already, so he decided to spend last summer at UND to take a flight course in order to ensure he could graduate on time. Clearly this was far from the ideal situation since summers were the only time we were actually in the same place, but obviously I wanted him to graduate this year. And realistically, I didn't know until May 16, 2011 where I'd be working permanently so it was hard to justify begging him to spend the summer in Chicago if I weren't going to be there. So he stays at school to take the flight course...and by some combination of circumstances is unable to finish the course by the time fall semester started so he had to skip taking the next flight course last fall. This means he still has 2 more courses to take going into the second semester of his senior year-and they can't be taken simultaneously. I was livid and only slightly mollified when I learned that the course he needed to take in the summer was offered the first 6 weeks so he'd still be home at the end of June. The course ends June 23rd so I told him I expected him back on June 24th for us to move in together starting July 1st (now July 7th but whatever, I don't want to move stuff out by myself either!). I spend months just looking towards this date..so focused on the fact that this is when we'll be together again.
I also informed Dan awhile ago that I wasn't willing to live together before we were engaged. So in my mind for most of the past year, that meant we had to get engaged over his graduation weekend. It was basically going to be the last time we were together before we were due to start our lease. So of course I start envisioning what this proposal will look like. I had it all planned out...as if it were my job to plan it. I knew exactly when he was going to do it, where it would happen, what he would say. Even figured out how/when I'd tell people about it. I dragged him to look at rings in North Dakota last November. Then reality sets in around March. I fall in love with an apartment that's a little more than we intended to spend, but we sign the lease anyways. He realizes that although he has a great lead on a job in Chicago, he really won't even know if there's an opening until sometime in the summer. We come to the conclusion that it makes more sense for him to use his savings towards a few months of rent if he's unemployed instead of a ring. So there goes that fantasy. And I had the perfect proposal planned out and everything....
Fast forward to last Tuesday aka a week ago. Dan has his first of two stage checks for his flight course. Stage checks are basically super hard and super long tests that you have to pass in order to complete a course/get a new certification. The first part is an oral test that lasts like 2-3 hours and the second part is a flight. Dan also doesn't tend to finish them on the first try but I know he's prepared a lot for this one and there's a lot of pressure to get it finished ASAP so I'm keeping my fingers (and pretty much everything possible) crossed for him. And then I get the text saying he doesn't complete it.
It's been a long time since I was that mad at him. I almost chucked my phone across the room. In a moment I changed from the super supportive, encouraging, you-can-do-it girlfriend to a complete bitch. I call/text Allison to rant which I always do when he incompletes a stage check or is going to be coming home later from school over breaks because he hasn't finished up flying. Blowing off steam to her helps me be nicer to Dan. But this time it just wasn't going to work. Worst case scenario: he doesn't finish the flight course in time to take the last course this summer and he has to go back to ND in the fall. Clearly that in no way, shape, or form fits in with life plans a-f in my mind. Honestly, isn't 5 years of long distance enough? Do we really need to add another 6 months?
So I became super bitch. Even ranting to Allison and Melissa didn't fix this one. I literally asked him if I could remove the PTO off my calendar for Friday and Monday (took days off to go up to his graduation last weekend...) assuming he wasn't going to be able to graduate. I turned my phone off. Drank half a bottle of wine. Cried. I felt a little better when I talked to my friend Christine who was pissed off at her husband so that's worse, right? Had an awesomely hard workout to chill out. Eventually I accepted it and was able to hold a rational conversation with him sometime the next day. He assured me he'd be able to get an extension for one reason or another (I've heard that before...) and he'd still be home in time to move. I didn't take the PTO off my calendar. Was excited to see him in a few days. All was well. When I talked to his best friend Matt at graduation, I learned that Dan went over to his apartment on Tuesday night. When I explained how furious I was about the stage check situation a look of understanding spread across Matt's face as he realized why Dan came over looking for pity from him-he sure as hell wasn't getting any from me. Now Matt will still be at UND for another 3 semesters (consequences of changing his major from aviation to accounting at the beginning of junior year) so Dan returning in the fall wouldn't be the worst thing that happened to him. Fortunately, he agreed not to do anything to encourage Dan to stay any longer than he absolutely had to. He probably didn't want to be on the receiving end of my wrath either firsthand or through Dan's mood again.
More to come on graduation weekend and the aftermath later this week...stay tuned!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Perfect Moments
I'm sure we all do it, have those moments where nothing seems to be going right in our day or we're just generally dissatisfied with what's going on in our lives. I've felt that way a few times over the past year, mostly just due to the crazy transition I'm in. Trying to figure out where my place is now that I've graduated college (a year ago on Tuesday, crazy!) and moved from the very small pond that is the University of Richmond to the very large pond that is Chicago and actually, the rest of the world.
Once I snap out of those moments, I realize that I have a lot to appreciate in my life. I have fond memories of college and stay in touch with several friends despite being spread out all over the country. I am fortunate enough to be employed by the company that I wanted to work for, in the city I dreamed of coming home to. I have an apartment to call my own and even though I don't love it, I'm sure I'll appreciate the ability to look back on a very interesting first year out of college. I miss living with one of my best friends, but look forward to living with the love of my life in just two months. And living with a male roommate for a year before moving in with Dan has hopefully taught me a little bit about what it'll be like to live with him. 22-year-old guys do not like cleaning and seeing as I don't feel like playing mommy and asking Dan to help out every time the bathroom needs to be cleaned, we're going to have a lovely chore chart hanging on our fridge the day after we move in. I've also made some truly wonderful new friends that I can't believe I didn't even know 10 months ago, and reconnected with a few I've known since grade school. It's been a blessing to be back closer to my family, despite my rants about playing mommy in my last post. I'm also in better shape than I've ever been in my life and despite my father's comments about me looking funny when I run, I'm actually contemplating running the half marathon in Chicago next summer as part of the Autism Speaks team. As has been the case for the last 5 years, every time I feel a little left out when my friends are meeting new people, going on dates, and considering the possibility of what may be, I remember myself that I don't have to go through the pain of falling for someone and him not returning the feelings or wondering if I'll be getting a call after exchanging phone numbers.
And when my efforts to appreciate what I do have don't measure up, sometimes life throws me an extra boost. Twice in the past few weeks I've been lucky enough to have one of those moments where I'm just awestruck by how wonderful my life is. The first was just a random Wednesday night when i was lounging on my couch reading the third book in the Fifty Shades of Grey series (Lets see how many consecutive blogs I can mention those books in....I promise that's not my intent of writing) and just had that feeling that wow, life is amazing. The second was just last night, which is what inspired this post. For the first time in several weeks, in fact I don't even remember the last time it happened, my whole "work family" went out together.
Mike, Laura, and Dan are the three individuals who have made the past year not only bearable but actually enjoyable beyond belief (minus those days when I like to wallow in self-pity but they normally help remedy that as well). I can pinpoint the days in the first few months of work at Aon when we became friends. I met Laura on an Aon Linc boat cruise and we planned the first ECD happy hour together after she contacted one of my other IT ECD colleagues and he happily passed the duty onto me. Dan was I think the first person I spoke to on our first day of work and our friendship started after meeting for a drink after work at some random bar near our apartments. Mike came over for Dan's birthday dinner which turned out to be the start of many meals together. Both Laura's mom and my dad know the group as "those people you have dinner with every week". Although busy schedules frequently prevent us from having weekly dinners and even having lunch as a group at work has proved all but impossible, I rarely have as much fun doing anything else as I do when we're all together.
Last night we gathered at Laura's amazing new apartment and then went out to explore Lincoln Park where we'll all be moving in the next few months. We had a few, or maybe more than a few, drinks and fulfilled Laura's request to go somewhere fun, upbeat, and with dancing. It was just a random moment several hours into the night when we were all dancing together that I was struck by just how happy I was to have the opportunity to spend some time with some of my closest friends minus the pressure of work, family, and everything else life throws our way. So this post goes out to my newest, closest friends, who help give me these wonderful moments to remind me that life is a blessing. I'm excited to look back on our early days 15 or 20 years down the road just as I'm able to do with Allison, Elizabeth, Ellen, and others now.
Once I snap out of those moments, I realize that I have a lot to appreciate in my life. I have fond memories of college and stay in touch with several friends despite being spread out all over the country. I am fortunate enough to be employed by the company that I wanted to work for, in the city I dreamed of coming home to. I have an apartment to call my own and even though I don't love it, I'm sure I'll appreciate the ability to look back on a very interesting first year out of college. I miss living with one of my best friends, but look forward to living with the love of my life in just two months. And living with a male roommate for a year before moving in with Dan has hopefully taught me a little bit about what it'll be like to live with him. 22-year-old guys do not like cleaning and seeing as I don't feel like playing mommy and asking Dan to help out every time the bathroom needs to be cleaned, we're going to have a lovely chore chart hanging on our fridge the day after we move in. I've also made some truly wonderful new friends that I can't believe I didn't even know 10 months ago, and reconnected with a few I've known since grade school. It's been a blessing to be back closer to my family, despite my rants about playing mommy in my last post. I'm also in better shape than I've ever been in my life and despite my father's comments about me looking funny when I run, I'm actually contemplating running the half marathon in Chicago next summer as part of the Autism Speaks team. As has been the case for the last 5 years, every time I feel a little left out when my friends are meeting new people, going on dates, and considering the possibility of what may be, I remember myself that I don't have to go through the pain of falling for someone and him not returning the feelings or wondering if I'll be getting a call after exchanging phone numbers.
And when my efforts to appreciate what I do have don't measure up, sometimes life throws me an extra boost. Twice in the past few weeks I've been lucky enough to have one of those moments where I'm just awestruck by how wonderful my life is. The first was just a random Wednesday night when i was lounging on my couch reading the third book in the Fifty Shades of Grey series (Lets see how many consecutive blogs I can mention those books in....I promise that's not my intent of writing) and just had that feeling that wow, life is amazing. The second was just last night, which is what inspired this post. For the first time in several weeks, in fact I don't even remember the last time it happened, my whole "work family" went out together.
Mike, Laura, and Dan are the three individuals who have made the past year not only bearable but actually enjoyable beyond belief (minus those days when I like to wallow in self-pity but they normally help remedy that as well). I can pinpoint the days in the first few months of work at Aon when we became friends. I met Laura on an Aon Linc boat cruise and we planned the first ECD happy hour together after she contacted one of my other IT ECD colleagues and he happily passed the duty onto me. Dan was I think the first person I spoke to on our first day of work and our friendship started after meeting for a drink after work at some random bar near our apartments. Mike came over for Dan's birthday dinner which turned out to be the start of many meals together. Both Laura's mom and my dad know the group as "those people you have dinner with every week". Although busy schedules frequently prevent us from having weekly dinners and even having lunch as a group at work has proved all but impossible, I rarely have as much fun doing anything else as I do when we're all together.
Last night we gathered at Laura's amazing new apartment and then went out to explore Lincoln Park where we'll all be moving in the next few months. We had a few, or maybe more than a few, drinks and fulfilled Laura's request to go somewhere fun, upbeat, and with dancing. It was just a random moment several hours into the night when we were all dancing together that I was struck by just how happy I was to have the opportunity to spend some time with some of my closest friends minus the pressure of work, family, and everything else life throws our way. So this post goes out to my newest, closest friends, who help give me these wonderful moments to remind me that life is a blessing. I'm excited to look back on our early days 15 or 20 years down the road just as I'm able to do with Allison, Elizabeth, Ellen, and others now.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Playing Mommy
My parents happened to plan overlapping vacations so they really lucked out that I opted to move back to Chicago after four years in Richmond. Now, they can conveniently call me and ask me to relocate for a few days in order to take care of their wonderful offspring, aka my siblings.
I figured this wouldn't be too difficult of a task. I'd drive out Thursday night after work, make sure they got off to school on Friday morning since I could work at home, and then hang around until my mom came home sometime Saturday afternoon.
WRONG! Since my brother crashed my mom's car a few weeks ago, its been in the shop for the past week. And guess who's job it was to pick it up? Oh right, mine. Not only that, but I was also asked to take it to get the oil changed on Friday....because obviously I drive it all the time so its totally my responsibility, right? And it has to get done at the dealership which is far less conveniently located than Firestone or Jiffy Lube. Whatever. So those two new tasks made my life slightly more complicated. Then I found out I had to be on a 7:30am call for work. Oh wait, school starts at 8. Well that's a small problem. So I spent at least an hour trying to come up with different scenarios of how Mark (my only sibling who can drive) and I could juggle around cars and such to get 3 kids to 3 different schools at 8am, while I'm on a conference call. This became easier when we decided to stay at my dad's place instead of my mom's since he's walking distance to two of the schools and Mark can drive himself. So now my only job is to kick kids out of the condo at the appropriate time while also listening to Aon's earning call.
Of course my sister Erica's volleyball team ends up winning their first play off game which leads to practice from 6-7:30pm Thursday night and a game at 6pm on Friday but she has to be there at 5:30. Well I've conveniently scheduled appointments to get my haircut at 7 on Thursday and eyebrows waxed at 5:30 on Friday. Clearly volleyball and personal grooming don't mix. Fortunately practice is walking distance from my dad's and the game is on the same block as my mom's so Mark and I will just have to shuffle siblings and 2 cars back to mom's between 5 and 5:30 so we can avoid the construction workers there. What fun!! Then its eyebrows, volleyball game with red eyebrows (which Dan pointed out I already have....thanks for that observation!), ordering pizza, and hopefully dinner/something fun with my OP friend Elizabeth! Just hope the siblings don't want to go anywhere tomorrow night because it would definitely interrupt my social life! And of course my mom's flight doesn't land until 6:30pm Saturday night. I didn't offer to pick her up...and I'm hoping I don't need to stay in River Forest the whole day but some of that depends on if Erica wins her volleyball game and has practice on Saturday...which I won't know until tomorrow around 6:45pm. Really wanted to be able to go back into the city for my 11am football game and stay there but not certain that will happen...
But seriously, how do parents do it?! Especially single parents?! This whole juggling around thing just isn't cool. Its hard to have a social life. And if I actually had to be at the office at 7:30am for a meeting? Forget it!
So once I realized how much more inconvenient this whole weekend was going to be, I raised the topic to Dan during our daily chat while I'm walking home from the train. I very bluntly informed him that he was not allowed to divorce me because I didn't want to be a single parent. He said fine, he'd just leave me if it came down to it. And then he reverted back to his old joke that I'm going to pop out children and then just be too busy to raise them and leave it all to him so it won't matter anyways. This will not happen, thank you very much. I might be a strict parent, but I won't be an absent one.
Later yesterday evening I chatted with my dad about the kid's routine and what I needed to do, etc. You'd think at the ages of 21, 19, and 14 they'd pretty much be able to fend for themselves but that doesn't seem to be entirely accurate. I complained to him about how the kids interfered with my schedule and asked how he was handling it with my mom gone the past couple of weeks. It doesn't really seem to be a problem though. Mark drives the car to school. Erica walks. Danny walks with my dad to the train and then finishes the other couple of blocks to school on his own from there. They all happen to leave the house at the same time so that's pretty convenient. So its possible....but then they all come home to an empty house until my dad gets home from work around 6 so certainly not the ideal situation.
Anyways, so I told my dad about my conversation with Dan. This in itself is a big step because generally I try to avoid discussing anything relating to mine and Dan's future with my parents. My dad doesn't ask and my mom's contribution to the discussion is usually something along the lines of "Sarah you don't want to settle down too early." or "Maybe you'll have a new boyfriend by then" (minus that one time she tricked me into going out to dinner with her and grilled me for an hour and a half). Normally if I get asked something about mine and Dan's future I try to give a really vague answer like "well we have been dating for 5 years" or "I've been to North Dakota 9 times, what do you think?"
My dad was actually incredibly supportive of my complaints about how hard it would be to have kids and have a career and a life and said something about "well at least you'll have grandpa around to help out". Aww...thanks dad. But seriously, when I was contemplating job offers in Milwaukee and Kansas City one of the things that turned me off was the fact that both of our immediate families are in Chicago. I also have a lot of extended family in Illinois (2 sets of aunts/uncles, 5 cousins, a grandmother). That's a grand total of 11 potential babysitters by the time we have kids. The one benefit of our parents being divorced is that they are each a separate babysitting entity. Instead of grandma AND grandpa babysitting one night and then the other set another night...its grandma OR grandpa OR grandma OR grandpa. Plus siblings who definitely shouldn't be reproducing anytime in the near future? Babysitting goldmine. And no, we're not planning to have kids now but, just like moving back to the suburbs, its going to happen sooner rather than later so may as well be prepared. Clearly the smart decision to be in Chicago. My dad agreed with me, after I related all this information to him. I even told him I might let him live with me if he's still competent enough to babysit. If he isn't, then to the assisted living community he goes! I tried to convince him assisted living communities were just like college:lots of friends all live in the same building, transportation to drive you places, you don't have to cook, lots of organized activities like bingo and bridge! He kinda believed me. Other benefit of divorced parents is that they won't actually want to live together again so at least I'd only be stuck with one of them! Unfortunately same thing goes for Dan's parents....but its only him and his brother so we'll get one I guess. Tim is clearly going to have to build/remodel us a very large house with the number of family members that are going to be residing there...
On another note, I've proudly restrained from reading the Fifty Shades trilogy for a third time in a row. I've gotten a little further in the Hitler book but its kinda a drastic transition. Fortunately crappy Harlequin and kindle romances are filling in the gap well enough. However, I have gotten addicted to the fifty shades playlists on youtube and stalk the facebook page. I almost burst out laughing at work when I saw this on facebook:
I never had any plans to be a part of this population boom, but after this weekend I definitely don't intend to be. However, there are also predictions that Christian and Ana will get a boost in baby name popularity in 2012. Dan told me I couldn't name our children after people we know but he didn't take quite as hard a stance against characters in books. I'm already going to try to push Hadley (The Paris Wife) but no boys names yet. Christian? Grey? Taylor? Luke? Sawyer? Ray? Teddy? Elliot? Ethan? So many options!!! Besides by the time we get around to having kids the hype will have died down, right?
I figured this wouldn't be too difficult of a task. I'd drive out Thursday night after work, make sure they got off to school on Friday morning since I could work at home, and then hang around until my mom came home sometime Saturday afternoon.
WRONG! Since my brother crashed my mom's car a few weeks ago, its been in the shop for the past week. And guess who's job it was to pick it up? Oh right, mine. Not only that, but I was also asked to take it to get the oil changed on Friday....because obviously I drive it all the time so its totally my responsibility, right? And it has to get done at the dealership which is far less conveniently located than Firestone or Jiffy Lube. Whatever. So those two new tasks made my life slightly more complicated. Then I found out I had to be on a 7:30am call for work. Oh wait, school starts at 8. Well that's a small problem. So I spent at least an hour trying to come up with different scenarios of how Mark (my only sibling who can drive) and I could juggle around cars and such to get 3 kids to 3 different schools at 8am, while I'm on a conference call. This became easier when we decided to stay at my dad's place instead of my mom's since he's walking distance to two of the schools and Mark can drive himself. So now my only job is to kick kids out of the condo at the appropriate time while also listening to Aon's earning call.
Of course my sister Erica's volleyball team ends up winning their first play off game which leads to practice from 6-7:30pm Thursday night and a game at 6pm on Friday but she has to be there at 5:30. Well I've conveniently scheduled appointments to get my haircut at 7 on Thursday and eyebrows waxed at 5:30 on Friday. Clearly volleyball and personal grooming don't mix. Fortunately practice is walking distance from my dad's and the game is on the same block as my mom's so Mark and I will just have to shuffle siblings and 2 cars back to mom's between 5 and 5:30 so we can avoid the construction workers there. What fun!! Then its eyebrows, volleyball game with red eyebrows (which Dan pointed out I already have....thanks for that observation!), ordering pizza, and hopefully dinner/something fun with my OP friend Elizabeth! Just hope the siblings don't want to go anywhere tomorrow night because it would definitely interrupt my social life! And of course my mom's flight doesn't land until 6:30pm Saturday night. I didn't offer to pick her up...and I'm hoping I don't need to stay in River Forest the whole day but some of that depends on if Erica wins her volleyball game and has practice on Saturday...which I won't know until tomorrow around 6:45pm. Really wanted to be able to go back into the city for my 11am football game and stay there but not certain that will happen...
But seriously, how do parents do it?! Especially single parents?! This whole juggling around thing just isn't cool. Its hard to have a social life. And if I actually had to be at the office at 7:30am for a meeting? Forget it!
So once I realized how much more inconvenient this whole weekend was going to be, I raised the topic to Dan during our daily chat while I'm walking home from the train. I very bluntly informed him that he was not allowed to divorce me because I didn't want to be a single parent. He said fine, he'd just leave me if it came down to it. And then he reverted back to his old joke that I'm going to pop out children and then just be too busy to raise them and leave it all to him so it won't matter anyways. This will not happen, thank you very much. I might be a strict parent, but I won't be an absent one.
Later yesterday evening I chatted with my dad about the kid's routine and what I needed to do, etc. You'd think at the ages of 21, 19, and 14 they'd pretty much be able to fend for themselves but that doesn't seem to be entirely accurate. I complained to him about how the kids interfered with my schedule and asked how he was handling it with my mom gone the past couple of weeks. It doesn't really seem to be a problem though. Mark drives the car to school. Erica walks. Danny walks with my dad to the train and then finishes the other couple of blocks to school on his own from there. They all happen to leave the house at the same time so that's pretty convenient. So its possible....but then they all come home to an empty house until my dad gets home from work around 6 so certainly not the ideal situation.
Anyways, so I told my dad about my conversation with Dan. This in itself is a big step because generally I try to avoid discussing anything relating to mine and Dan's future with my parents. My dad doesn't ask and my mom's contribution to the discussion is usually something along the lines of "Sarah you don't want to settle down too early." or "Maybe you'll have a new boyfriend by then" (minus that one time she tricked me into going out to dinner with her and grilled me for an hour and a half). Normally if I get asked something about mine and Dan's future I try to give a really vague answer like "well we have been dating for 5 years" or "I've been to North Dakota 9 times, what do you think?"
My dad was actually incredibly supportive of my complaints about how hard it would be to have kids and have a career and a life and said something about "well at least you'll have grandpa around to help out". Aww...thanks dad. But seriously, when I was contemplating job offers in Milwaukee and Kansas City one of the things that turned me off was the fact that both of our immediate families are in Chicago. I also have a lot of extended family in Illinois (2 sets of aunts/uncles, 5 cousins, a grandmother). That's a grand total of 11 potential babysitters by the time we have kids. The one benefit of our parents being divorced is that they are each a separate babysitting entity. Instead of grandma AND grandpa babysitting one night and then the other set another night...its grandma OR grandpa OR grandma OR grandpa. Plus siblings who definitely shouldn't be reproducing anytime in the near future? Babysitting goldmine. And no, we're not planning to have kids now but, just like moving back to the suburbs, its going to happen sooner rather than later so may as well be prepared. Clearly the smart decision to be in Chicago. My dad agreed with me, after I related all this information to him. I even told him I might let him live with me if he's still competent enough to babysit. If he isn't, then to the assisted living community he goes! I tried to convince him assisted living communities were just like college:lots of friends all live in the same building, transportation to drive you places, you don't have to cook, lots of organized activities like bingo and bridge! He kinda believed me. Other benefit of divorced parents is that they won't actually want to live together again so at least I'd only be stuck with one of them! Unfortunately same thing goes for Dan's parents....but its only him and his brother so we'll get one I guess. Tim is clearly going to have to build/remodel us a very large house with the number of family members that are going to be residing there...
On another note, I've proudly restrained from reading the Fifty Shades trilogy for a third time in a row. I've gotten a little further in the Hitler book but its kinda a drastic transition. Fortunately crappy Harlequin and kindle romances are filling in the gap well enough. However, I have gotten addicted to the fifty shades playlists on youtube and stalk the facebook page. I almost burst out laughing at work when I saw this on facebook:
I never had any plans to be a part of this population boom, but after this weekend I definitely don't intend to be. However, there are also predictions that Christian and Ana will get a boost in baby name popularity in 2012. Dan told me I couldn't name our children after people we know but he didn't take quite as hard a stance against characters in books. I'm already going to try to push Hadley (The Paris Wife) but no boys names yet. Christian? Grey? Taylor? Luke? Sawyer? Ray? Teddy? Elliot? Ethan? So many options!!! Besides by the time we get around to having kids the hype will have died down, right?
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