A Little Bit Married

I can't believe how long its been since I wrote my last post...but I've been busy between preparing to move, finishing up my rotation, and replacing as much of the stuff that I lost as I can!

I've also been reading. I borrowed every single book about moving in together from pretty much every library in the western suburbs. There really aren't very many on the topic. Perhaps a new ambition for me? Reading is certainly going slowly, but I'm already learning. Now I've gotten weird reactions when people find out that I'm reading books on this topic, but this is my best defense against the unknown-learning as much as I possibly can to prepare myself.

I had drinks with a long-time friend, Carling, on Saturday. We first met in mother-daughter book club the summer before we started third grade and reconnected in high school. She was part of our 8th period lunch table senior year (well, the first semester at least) when Dan and I started dating. In fact, it was Dan's obvious crush on her that made me jealous enough to actually take matters into my own hands and ask him out.

When Dan and I sat down at the lunch table the Monday after our first date, Carling blurted out "your kids will have beautiful hair!" Obviously this was more than a little terrifying to hear 2 days into our relationship, but lets hope it holds true (just not right away). Carling and Dan have stayed in touch since high school as well. Carling's favorite topic when one of us gets together with her, is when the next step is going to happen. As far as I know, she's the only person who knows how Dan is planning to propose to me. I resisted begging her to give me a hint, but I'm dying with curiosity.

Additionally, Carling and I broached my other favorite topic: the move in! She seemed surprised that I didn't sound as optimistic about the situation as maybe I should have. I've gotten the whole spectrum of reactions when I talk about moving in with him. Some people are neutral, others gush about how wonderful it will be, and a handful semi-reluctantly warn me about the trials of other couples they know who have moved in together.

Now, I'm optimistic that the big move-in won't be the end of our relationship of anything like that. But I do know it will be a challenge (hence the blog). My first of 5 or so books about moving in together provided a list of cohabitation commandments. The one that I'm trying to prepare myself for is "Thou shall expect the first six months to be rocky." I assume every day won't be a bad day, and maybe it won't take quite as long as six months, but its nice to think that by the end of January (schedule, yay!) we will have settled into a routine and learned to cope with all of each other's quirks we've managed to avoid dealing with after dating long-distance for so long.

When people ask why we've decided to move in together at this point, my normal response is "It just makes sense". After reading just this first book, I fully understand that living together to save money is an awful idea. I won't deny that this is part of the appeal (although with the way we've decided to split rent I'm actually paying more than I am now, but for a nicer place too), but it makes sense in the continuation of our relationship as well. I originally didn't intend to move in together until we were engaged, but sometimes real life interferes with plans, and I'm actually okay with that in this instance. The book I just finished reading outlined an entirely new stage of relationship called "a little bit married" (also the book title),  which is essentially a serious, long-term relationship (more than a year) that frequently involves the couple living together. However, it is before an engagement takes place. Such relationships are increasingly common and people who have experienced them and later married did insist that the marriage was not any less special due to cohabitation. In fact, couples who don't live together before marriage are now actually in the minority. The more I think about it, it might be nice to have sorted out (or at least started to) our living situation before I start battling the moms about wedding planning. 

The one small benefit to Dan staying up in North Dakota longer (probably through the middle/end of July although he is coming home to help move in) is that I have more time to research and prepare. We've started the discussions about managing money (my job), divided up some of the pre-moving responsibilities (not without a battle/bitchy email from me), and he fully understands that there will be a chore chart on our fridge from day 1 (my book confirmed that this is in fact NOT an absurd idea). Obviously there is still a lot to figure out though. Good thing my social calendar becomes a little bit less crowded after next week-I'll need plenty of reading time! By the way, any and all advice is appreciated.