Seven Christmases

A couple years ago, my dad gave me the movie Four Christmases for Christmas. If you're not familiar with the storyline, essentially this couple each has divorced parents so they have to celebrate Christmas four separate times at each parent's house. As soon as I saw it, I thought oh great, welcome to my future.

Although Dan and I each attended each other's extended family Christmas celebrations last year, this is the first year we really attempted to celebrate together with our immediate families as well. It ended up being a grand total of 7 Christmases for us (although actually more like 8 for him). Since this is 100% absurd and a reflection of not only 2 sets of divorced parents but my family's complete resistance to change (there would still probably be 6 Christmases if we weren't so difficult), I'll detail out the celebrations below for all to enjoy.

Prior to these, we also both attended work Christmas parties and a holiday dinner at the Union League Club, and 2 friend's holiday parties. I also went to a work holiday party on the 15th, a White Elephant party on the 16th and we have another white elephant/Epiphany party on January 5th.

12/21: (my brother, Danny's, graduation was this morning as well) Extended family Christmas with my mom's side-the Hedrichs at my mom's house. Presents and dinner with my immediate family (6), my aunt and 2 cousins and their spouses and 1 child, and my other aunt/uncle and their 2 boys. Dan and his friend Matt stopped by, but went to see the Killers concert so they missed out on dinner but did open presents with us. 16 for dinner, 18 people for presents. It was a crazy day!

12/22: Polish Christmas dinner with Pat (Dan's dad's) family. We drove out to Oxford, OH Saturday afternoon and arrived just in time for dinner. The Magner family has a rule that everyone must have 2 kids and only 2 kids (kidding, but seriously its a little weird!) So Pat is one of 4 siblings all of whom were there with their spouse and their 2 kids. 2 of Dan's cousins are also married with 2 kids, although only one cousin made it with her family because the other one just had her second baby a couple of months ago. So 21 people all together including me and Sam (Tim's girlfriend)

12/23: Christmas dinner with Pat's family part 2. With the exception of one aunt/uncle and the cousin who is married with kids, we all stayed in Oxford for the weekend. So slightly smaller crowd the second night, but no less fun. Pat designed the house for his sister and her family so this was the first time most people had been there and let me tell you--it was gorgeous!! If they would have let me, I probably would have moved into the library, its exactly what I want in my house. There was also a beautiful, massive Christmas tree in the middle of the house-probably about 12 feet tall and very full. I was able to see my friend Laura in the morning who is living/working in Oxford now so that was fun! And then we went for hike in the neighborhood that afternoon complete with crossing the creek on rocks and then later on a fallen tree, definitely a lot of fun but I could never live in a brand new neighborhood like that-only 5 homes!

12/24: A long drive back to Chicago for Dan followed by some confusion with Mass and then dinner with my family. My family intended to go to 4pm Mass at Ascension but my mom was furious when she arrived at 3:30 and there wasn't a seat in sight. So to St. Luke's my mom and siblings went, Dan and I visited Allison instead. Dinner was lasagna, our normal family Christmas dinner and then opening presents from the siblings.

12/24-12/25: Midnight Mass at Old St. Pats with Dan's mom and Tim. This is such a wonderful Mass to go to, but Dan was struggling since he'd been up since 8, hadn't slept well, and unlike me actually did the 5 hour drive. I didn't really nap in the car, but at least I didn't have to focus for so long. He also hates church, so that doesn't help. We finally got to bed around 2am.

Dan and I exchanged presents and stockings on Christmas morning, but I won't count that as a separate celebration. He gave me ice skates awhile ago as my main present (which I got to use for the first time on the 14th and I loved them!) and I gave him goalie pants which have padding on the hips and knees so he doesn't beat himself up as much

12/25: We went separate ways this morning since his family didn't have any real plans but he wanted to spend time with them, whereas I decided to go out to River Forest for our normal Wallace family Christmas morning. We kids opened presents from Santa/mom and our parents opened presents from us as well. Our parents got everything they asked for, courtesy of me ordering/buying everything on their lists, so they were thrilled! We gorged on our traditional Christmas breakfast of casserole, potatoes, cinnamon rolls, and fruit since we knew dinner would not be quite as good as usual.

12/25 pm: A few years ago, my dad started hosting Christmas dinner for our immediate family. By my dad hosting, I mean that we all go over to his place and I cook dinner. Plans were up in the air until the last minute this year though. He thought about taking us out to dinner due to my having such a hectic few days before, which was very nice but unnecessary. So by the time we decided that we would have dinner at home (which wasn't really an option because the only things open in Oak Park were McDonalds, Subway, and Starbucks), all the grocery stores were closed. Dinner ended up being a compilation of what ingredients were available at my moms (stuff for a Chicken and rice casserole and leftover rolls from Friday) and my dad (southwestern style frozen corn and canned green beans). So not the most well-coordinated dinner, but it tasted fine and filled us up well enough. We also got presents from my dad. He likes to coordinate all our gifts so we each got a dvd, a book, and tickets to a show (I got CSO!) The major highlight of that celebration was going to see Les Miserables in theaters. My dad pretty much forced my siblings to go because he got 6 tickets and had to fill them. The attendees ended up being my parents, Mark, Erica, me, and we exchanged my brother Danny for boyfriend Dan which worked out fairly well (same name, only 10 months apart in age-works well enough!) The movie was long and a little slow during the first half, but I enjoyed it in the end.

Between all these celebrations and Dan's friend being here since Saturday the 15th, it probably comes as no surprise that I'm so people'd out that I can't even think of being in a group again for some time. Not that I'm complaining-I'm so grateful that we have such wonderful family to get together with over the holidays. But its so nice and quiet here in my own apartment...

Finding the Right Word

After doing all of my research on moving in together over the summer, I’d like to think I’m somewhat of an emerging expert in the field. I’m sure I’m not, but I’m happy to share my opinion anyways. I think there are two legitimate reasons a couple should consider moving in together. The first is that you are moving in together because it seems like the next step in figuring out if you’re compatible to go the distance. The second is that you’ve already determined that you’re a match made in heaven and it is part of the natural progression of a relationship (this option may or may not come after either engagement and/or marriage).

Most people I know tend to believe either one or the other, and aren’t necessarily afraid to voice their opinion in some way. There’s the common reaction of “you’ve been together for 6 years, why haven’t you put a ring on it?” others, although relatively few others, suggest that we’re taking things too quickly, we’ve only lived together for 6 months, there’s no reason to rush into engagement, marriage, everything else right away.

I’ll admit it, I’m a little offended by the people voicing the latter opinion. To me, it’s invalidating not only the 6 years we’ve been together, but the entirety of plenty other people’s relationships-especially thinking of my friends from more conservative or religious backgrounds, or those who also faced distance as an obstacle in relationships, who never lived together before their wedding day or for a short period of time before. Have we faced hurdles while living together that couples who dated in the same city wouldn’t necessarily face? Sure. Dan didn’t know how many clothes I pull out of the closet/ dresser while trying to get dressed for the day because most of the time I was living out of a suitcase when we were together. I didn’t know how anal Dan was about putting the toilet seat lid down or putting the toilet paper roll on a particular way because we were never around each other enough to notice little habits like that. But we also have the advantage of many years of communicating through pretty much all mediums with any number of barriers, so that helps get us through those inevitable “discussions” otherwise known as fights.

And then I look at the people, the couples, I know who are getting engaged, getting married, even on occasion having children. I would say probably 75% of the people I know who got married or engaged over the past 5 years have not been together for as long as we have. Does that mean they’re taking things too quickly? Maybe, maybe not. Am I jealous? You bet. Dan and I are of the second path, we made the decision (because that’s what the commitment to be with someone is, a decision) years ago that we’re it for each other. Moving in together is a step closer to becoming what we already know we’re going to become-life partners. For us, it was more financially feasible to move in together before getting engaged (and if you caught my last post before I took it down, you’ll understand that more). So we did. And it’s been great, better than I ever anticipated. But there’s this not-so-hidden part of me that is desperate to be something more.

When my mom introduces us to her friends at a fundraising event we are “my daughter Sarah and her boyfriend Dan”. When I’m visiting his mom at the rehab center after she had a hip replacement I’m “her son’s girlfriend”. When we list each other as emergency contacts or beneficiaries or define our relationship on our lease or insurance, we’re “partners”. When one of us is invited to another’s event, we are each other’s “significant other”. Is it so wrong to want to be more than that? Should I feel guilty for wanting to have a title that more accurately describes our relationship with one another? That distinguishes us from a couple who met a few months ago and maybe has just decided to date exclusively? Boyfriend/girlfriend works there too. And I’ve been my dad’s “date” to a variety of things; don’t really want to use that title when Dan and I are at holiday Christmas parties together. I’m sure I sound whiny, and that’s fine. I should be grateful for having the loving, stable relationship that I have, and I certainly am, I know that. But sometimes, I want my relationship acknowledged for what it is too.

Great Birth Control

So this cat aka the absolute hands-down rule you shouldn't break when moving in together for the first time. Piper was exceptionally well behaved for the first two weeks we owned her-also known as the foster-to-adopt period. Basically, if we decided she wasn't working out we could return her and get a full refund of the adoption fees, no questions asked. She didn't scratch anything, climb on anything, meow obnoxiously, and ate whatever food we gave her.

After week 2...she slowly started showing us what she was really like. She started using the table legs as a scratching post (it was $60 from Ikea so I'm not complaining). She didn't like the new food we bought her. She'll occasionally get really hyper late at night and sprint across our bedroom, jump on Dan's nightstand, lamp, dresser, window sill and run back out the door. She tries to get out of the apartment if the door is open too long. She sleeps in the bed. She sleeps on top of the table. She climbs on the desk. She desperately tries to get to Dan's plant on the bookshelf. She's  obsessed with the bathtub and sink so they're now constantly covered in cat hair. I've even found her on my dresser. These new behaviors were annoying, but not the end of the world.

And then, the world ended, sort of. Dan's schedule has been less consistent and he doesn't always have to be at work at 7:30am anymore. Since he normally feeds Piper at 6am before he leaves, she expects to be fed then. No later than 6:20am on the mornings Dan has a late start, she'll come into the room meowing to get fed. And guess who wakes up then? If you guessed me, that's correct! Only once has he heard the cat before I have. It inevitably is a horrible start to my day. To make things worse, we finally asked Dan's mom to stain and seal the Ikea dining room table and took it over to her apartment a couple of weeks ago. After losing her primary scratching post (and nap place I believe), Piper started using our bed to sleep on and the footboard to scratch. Now, almost all the furniture in our apartment was in one of our houses growing up. Almost everything, except the bed. The bed is my $800 Crate and Barrel graduation present from my mother and one of the most valuable things I own.

So on those mornings that she doesn't wake us up meowing, sometimes she'll wake us up scratching. And by us, I really mean me. We got the anti-scratching spray last week and it doesn't really seem to be working. So now we just have to keep her out of the bedroom all together. which involves covering the door with poster board and cardboard so she doesn't scratch the door up either. The only good thing that's happened so far is that my allergies don't seem to be an issue anymore, so I'll take what I can get.

I have informed Dan that there's no way we're having kids anytime soon (not that we were planning to, this just strengthens my case) because he doesn't even wake up to a hungry cat once during the night and it puts me in a bad mood. Just think of how awful I'd be to be around if I were woken up every hour or two by a hungry baby!

Hating Lewis

For whatever reason my evening runs during the week are never as satisfying as my long runs on the weekends. I finished 7 miles in 62 minutes last Saturday morning (first time I’ve ever run that distance). The following Tuesday, it took me about 28 minutes to run 3 miles. I think I’ve become a morning runner, for better or worse. After 2 weeks of bad evening runs, I was kind of starting to get down on myself because I just didn’t understand what was holding me back so much in the shorter runs. Then I reminded myself that I couldn’t have run 3 straight miles at this time last year. I think I topped 2 for the first time last October. So there’s really no excuse for me to be hung up on how “slow” I’m running three miles. I never really thought I’d get there, but I did.

So now I’m trying to apply the same concept to my relationship. The honeymoon period is most certainly over. We’re doing just fine-only not in fantasy land anymore. I’m blaming a lot of it on my mom though. For instance, Dan never opens the blinds in the apartment in the morning or closes them at night. I probably wouldn’t give a crap if they were open or closed-except that my mom was always on our case about it growing up and now that’s instilled in me. Same with the dishes. In the Wallace household, dishes did not enter the sink. They went straight from the table (which was the only place we were supposed to eat…) to the dishwasher. The only exception being if the dishwasher were actually running. Not clean (then we were supposed to unload it) but actually running the wash cycle. Dishes were also not allowed to sit in the sink overnight EVER. I will never forget the morning I woke up to a mac and cheese-crusted pot on my bed placed there by my father because I had left it in the sink overnight. Took me 16 years, but I had finally learned my lesson.

Apparently Dan’s parents aren’t as anal as mine, and he is totally okay with leaving dishes in the sink overnight…even for a couple of days. The blinds stay however they were when he entered the room unless some light from outside is either shining in his face or on the tv. I’ve gotten better about the dishes (mainly because I don’t want to do them since that’s his chore…) but the blinds still kill me. We only have 2 windows, it’s not that hard, right?!

Our other departure from honeymoon phase involves, no surprise, work hours. I have a fairly flexible work schedule, work standard 8 hour days 5 days a week, and only commute about 25 minutes by train each way. Dan, however, commutes between 1-1.5 hours in the car, works 10 hours a day 6 days a week and seems to be discouraged from taking any vacation time ever. He also makes less money than I do. In an ideal world, the person making less money would have the easier schedule and therefore be able to contribute to more stuff around the house, running errands, etc. Of course that’s
absolutely not the case here.

There are some evenings when I'm home for 1 or even 2 hours before Dan gets home, and Saturdays can be pretty lonely if I don't have anything else going on. This however, is where I need to circle back to my thoughts on running. For four years, we saw each other for a few days every couple of months. Once Dan started staying in North Dakota over the summer we didn't even have that uninterrupted time together either. Now I get frustrated when I only see him for three waking hours a day, sleep next to each other every night, and spend every Sunday with him. Instead of being angry at Lewis University and hung up on how much more frequently I could see him if he had a more "normal" job, I really need to focus on the fact that this is a huge improvement from a year ago, a few months ago even. I'm sure it'll take awhile for this new outlook to truly sink in, but I'll do my best to remind myself of it instead of complaining how I never get to spend any time with him.

TV Wars

The past few months we've been good about taking turns watching Say Yes to the Dress and Arrested Development (which I still don't like, by the way) on Netflix.

New seasons are finally starting though, and tonight will bring the ultimate battle: Grey's Anatomy vs. The Office

WHO WILL WIN?!

How to Make Time

At the beginning of July, I looked at my calendar and counted 6 days of the entire month that I didn't have a scheduled activity outside of work. By the end of the month, it was probably more like 3, if that. I was also out of town for at least parts of 5 out of 6 weekends. I started to become a little worried about Dan coming home and having enough (if any) time to spend with him.

Then August rolls around, and to the best of my ability, I blocked off my calendar for two weeks during the Olympics. It didn't work out perfectly, but I spent significantly more time in my new apartment during those first 2 weeks than I did in the entire previous month. Even once I started spending time with people outside of office hours, my schedule was  a lot quieter than it had been for awhile. Dan and I had dinner together most nights, did errands together, spent time with our families, and enjoyed our first few weeks as a couple in the same city.

During this time, I decided that I got pretty bored in the evenings when I had nothing going on-especially those nights when I was home from work by 5 or 5:30 and had maybe worked out in the morning. Dan doesn't get home until at least 7, frequently after 7:30 and I rarely spend an hour making dinner or something like that during the week. Laura and I went on some walks trying to figure out what to do with our time/as an excuse to get out of our apartments while it's still nice out (its so nice to live only a 15 minute walk away!) We both wished we had hobbies of some sort. That's the reason I started blogging in the first place, and during the Olympics I starting working on this craft project for my brother than I originally began my senior year in high school and never finished. It wasn't enough to really hold my attention for long though.

Thankfully, September arrived, everyone came home from their end-of-summer vacations, and life picked up again. After a quiet Labor Day weekend where I miraculously had 4 hours on a Sunday afternoon to dedicate to getting Piper, life started getting busy again. Although I was desperately looking for more things to fill my 7 non-working hours every day, I am a little bit overwhelmed when I look at my calendar hanging in my cubicle and there's something written on nearly every day.

The past couple of weeks and the next few are filled with evening activities. Some of them are just briefly after work but many others will last into the evening. With Dan's 10:30/11pm bedtime (although he frequently passes out on the couch before this), we have pretty limited time together if I'm not home by the time he is. Thankfully long-distance prepared us for this and even if we only have 3 hours a day for 6 days of the week plus Sundays together, it's still better than what we've had for the majority of our relationship. We're also trying to work out strategies for Dan to move faster in the mornings (somehow I take 30 minutes to get ready and he takes an hour…) so hopefully if he can sleep in until 5:50/6 then he'll make it up until 11 without falling asleep. My first suggestion was not spending 15 minutes eating breakfast, his was to shower at night. He's remarkably slow at that too. 

This weekend is actually worse than most, he had a late soccer game last night and didn't get home until 11:30. Thankfully he didn't have to be at work until 1 today, but he also agreed to do a night flight with one of his students so he still isn't home. Normally we're able to spend Sundays together, but I decided to go to six flags with my family tomorrow and he opted out. Great way to prepare for my week of activities every evening! Doesn't look like things will slow down for either of us any time soon...but I'm grateful for every moment we spend together regardless of how few there seem to be. As we were falling asleep last night (neither of us passed out on the couch, even though I tried to and he yelled at me), I told him how sometimes I couldn't believe we actually made it. After so many years of struggling through the distance and thinking these days would never come, we're finally here!

Doing Everything Wrong

In an earlier post I mentioned all my research on cohabitation. I think I read four different books on the topic which equates to literally hours upon hours of reading, taking notes, etc. Despite my anxiety about living together, it has been relatively easy so far, which is probably why I keep breaking all the rules. Will I regret this in another couple of months, when the "honeymoon" period ends? Quite possibly, guess I'll have to deal with the consequences then though. I'll just have to be conscious of the fact that numerous authors and contributors "told me so" and it's no one's fault but my own.

So let's see...top 4 rules we've broken so far:

1. Not signing a cohabitation agreement. This is essentially a less-sophisticated prenup and more sophisticated roommate agreement like you might have in college. Granted, with my family's wonderful history of lasting marriages, perhaps I should have been more insistent about signing one. My mom already told me to do a prenup before I get married. Glad she has so much confidence in our relationship. Anyways, a cohabitation agreement essentially outlines who is paying for what, what will happen if we break up, and any other rules we decide to include. Whether its legally enforceable depends on the state and I haven't gone so far as to research it in Illinois. I did download a template though and filled in most of it, until it got to the parts about dividing specific spending categories because we hadn't talked about it at the time...and of course I haven't looked at it since.

2. Not following the chore chart. This was, when we moved in together, something I obsessed over. I made a nice excel chart, color-coded it, hung it on the fridge, everything. Dan thought it was ridiculous. After living with roommates for the past couple of years though, I recognized that there's always an uneven split of chores, no matter how hard you try to divide things evenly. In the hopes of avoiding arguments and being on the same page about how frequently things should be cleaned, etc, I created this chart way before Dan even came home. And of course, we're not following it at all. For the most part, we've been good about splitting chores. Dan loads the dishwasher, I unload it. He's in charge of taking the garbage and recycling out, I pay the bills. I do more of the cooking and kitchen cleaning, he does the dishes that need to be handwashed (mostly his stuff...I put everything in the dishwasher). So far so good, but we'll have to see what happens in the next few days since its his turn to clean the bathroom!

3. Sharing credit cards. I tried to come up with both simple and safe ideas about sharing expenses. Obviously for financial safety concerns (especially between couples with unequal salaries like us) you're not supposed to combine bank accounts, credit cards, or allow access to each other's money in any way, shape for form. This leads to an awful lot of work at the end of the week, month, whenever to reconcile who paid for what and such. We also do finances differently. Minus my monthly bills, I put almost everything on my credit card that I can. It provides the financial benefit of getting points and improving my credit score because I'm good at paying it off every month. This is what my parents have always done, and I therefore took after their example. Dan's not a credit card user at all and prefers to just use debit card for everything. Since I'm managing all of our shared expenses, I determined it was easier to just order copies of my credit cards for Dan as well and we figure everything out at the end of the month. This way if he goes to the grocery store for both of us, or uses a card at a shared dinner, I only have to add up costs in two places that I have access to, instead of 3 or more.  Thanks to Chase Quickpay, its pretty easy to get money as needed at the end of the month. I just feel like I've gotten comfortable managing my own finances in the past few months, so its certainly been an adventure to complicate everything again.

4. Our new resident in our apartment

Pets are a definite no-no for two reasons. One, its just one more thing to argue over once the honeymoon period is over. A pet inevitably requires additional work around the house, just something else to add to the chore chart that's not being followed as is. Two, if we were to break up, a pet ends up in a custody battle, which sounds ridiculous to me now, but I guess I can see how that might happen. Although I'm definitely a dog person, after having my dog here for just a week, its impossible for me to have a dog in the city at this time in my life. I felt awful leaving Patches in a small space all day, there's very little grass around me, and I'm never home to take him out. I had to come home right after work and cut short my lunches to make sure he was alone for the minimal amount of time possible. So, a cat it was. Now, I'm technically allergic to cats, but it hasn't been a major issue for me in the past. We intended to borrow Dan's brother's cat to make sure I'd be okay, but time didn't really allow for that. Its kitten season right now, so there is a better selection of cats at shelters than at any other time of the year. In my mind, that's the only reason we didn't wait. Well that and Dan begs as well as anyone I know. I feel more than a little guilty that we're living in the city for me so that I'm close to work and friends and he has the commute from hell-about an hour drive in the morning and more than that coming home at night. I knew that coming home to a cat would make him happy. So Piper (named for the airplane company) joined us yesterday after over 3 hours at PAWS. She's not quite a kitten, but at a year and a half she seems like the perfect age for us. She's very well trained-uses her litter box, doesn't jump on anything, and hasn't tried to use our couch as a scratching post. She's also a lot more mellow than some of the other cats we saw and hasn't shown a lot of interest in any toys besides a shoe lace. She spends most of her time under our dining room table (For reasons unknown, the carpet is not comfortable) or sniffing around all the closed doors to try to discover what's behind them. Certainly a curious one!

Stay tuned for more rule-breaking...it's going to be a busy September so we'll see how all of our social events turn out!

Early Wake Up Calls

After living together for a whopping 10 days, I'm already predicting what our two main points of contention will be:

1. doing dishes

2. hitting the snooze button

Dan and I have different philosophies when it comes to doing dishes. Thanks to my mother, I insist on putting dishes in the dishwasher as soon as I'm done eating (at least when I'm not living alone). With pots/other things that need to be hand washed (which in my book is only pots, and only if they don't fit in the dishwasher…), I fill them with water and soap and leave them, but always wash before I go to bed. 

Dan puts dishes somewhere in the vicinity of the sink...and normally washes everything within 24 hours. He doesn't like hand washing anything until he's got enough to make it worth filling up the sink with soap and water and doing some intense washing. I'm more of a squirt some dish soap on the sponge and scrub clean kind of person.

I think I'll just have to become more relaxed about dishes going in the dishwasher right away...as long as Dan doesn't expect me to be all super-dishwasher for the hand wash stuff. A sponge works just fine as far as I'm concerned.

The snooze button is another story. Dan is not a morning person, in any stretch of the imagination. If given his way, he'd probably sleep from like 2am-noon every day. That obviously doesn't work with real life, especially with his job. His regular hours at Lewis are from 7:30am-5:30pm Monday through Saturday. And he has to commute an hour to get there. That means leaving the apartment between 6:15 and 6:30 depending on his first launch time. As I observed this morning, part of his morning routine involves sitting down for a couple of bowls of cereal while reading Time Magazine, which takes as long as it takes me to shower, if not longer.

I've managed to master getting out of the apartment in about 30 minutes in the morning. It involves not doing my hair whenever possible, picking out clothes the night before, packing my lunch the night before, and basically just having everything ready to go in the morning. I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually eaten breakfast at home, oatmeal in a coffee mug at work has totally replaced that. I don't have to be at work (at least during this rotation) really until 8:30 but I try to get in around 8 so I can leave closer to 4:30 than 5. That means I get up around 7-a full 1.5 hours after Dan's phone doesn't just ring, but blares poor quality, very loud music at least three times over-and that's just the individual alarms, not counting the snooze buttons!

Since he's on summer hours now, it’s not quite as bad, but at some point we'll have to figure out a routine. He'll start his regular schedule next week, and I just can't deal with the early wake-up call, especially since I won't always be going to bed with him at 10:30 or 11. Dan is also allergic to the word routine, whereas I would marry my combined outlook-google calendar if I could figure out a way.

As much as I don't want to admit it, I think the best solution is me getting up at 5:30 with him. This would be great if I were still working out in the mornings (for awhile I was hooked on a 6am workout class twice a week and would run another two weekday mornings), but this is a little more complicated because I have every intention of getting rid of my car so that will increase the amount of time required to get to the gym in the mornings (running takes 15 minutes aka leaving about 5:40 and I really don't want to do that in the dark). I could potentially go to a 5:30am class and take Dan's car...but that involves getting up a full 2 hours earlier than I really need to for work, not sure I can handle that. Clearly this will take a little more brainstorming...and I definitely have the incentive to figure it out quickly since I have zero desire to listen to his alarms go off every morning! Although, I may just start kicking him out of bed at the first alarm. I'll certainly be interested to see how often he's late for work though...my guess is it won't be a rare occurrence.

Pinky Pillow

Dan did manage to pass his final flight test at UND, but it certainly came down to the wire! Fortunately he finished it up Friday morning, just before leaving to head home. He decided that seeing Coldplay in Minneapolis was more important than coming home to me, so I took advantage of the opportunity to enjoy my last night without someone wondering when I’d be home by going on a boat cruise with the Union League Club. The water was too choppy so the cruise part lasted a total of 5 minutes but even that amount of time required Dramamine and caused more than a few falls. Regardless, the boat was fun; open bar was even more fun. I could tell I was out with the ULC crew when our next stop was a sushi restaurant in River North (as opposed to something more along the lines of John Barleycorn in Wrigleyville) and I surprised myself by enjoying the one piece of sushi I sampled! Thanks to Leia, Colleen, Wayne, and Catherine for making it a wonderfully enjoyable night!

I had my first adventure to the Green City Market in Lincoln Park on Saturday morning. It’s a huge
farmer’s market and I was thrilled to realize that I could buy lots of different things because I finally had someone else to share them with. No more freezing or throwing away perishables! I told Dan that I was most excited for him to come home so I didn’t have to throw any more food away and so I didn’t have to take the garbage out any more (this qualifies as a disgusting chore and therefore one that I don’t do). Speaking of chores, I also edited and put our chore chart on the fridge, no comments from the roommate about that one yet.

My schedule on Saturday didn’t quite line up so that I was home exactly when Dan got there, but
fortunately I was still able to help unload the car. Even after his long drive, he still humored me and went to the Grant Park Symphony Orchestra Concert in Millennium Park. I also bought some of his favorite foods (pretzel rolls, really yummy cheddar cheese, and cantaloupe) to bribe him to come. We didn’t stay for the whole concert but I was glad to get to one finally!

Sunday brought on our first major battle. On Saturday my mom called asking me to dinner on Sunday
and I told her that I was going to a young adult event at church the next evening so I turned her down.
Dan informed me that we were going to his dad’s for dinner on Sunday night. My first issue was that he agreed to this without checking with me about my plans. It would have been fine for him to agree to go, but it’s a totally different thing to say I’ll be there too. As it happened, even if I hadn’t been planning to go to church and the YAC get together, I still wouldn’t have felt right going since my mom offered first. In the end he just ended up going out there and I went with my original plans, which turned out just fine.

It’s going to be pretty difficult to balance the demands of 4 separate parental entities, and I think my
mom is mad/jealous because I stayed at my dad’s last weekend and had lunch with him last week so
was trying to get to spend time with me. Seems like we’ll have to plan to have a meal or spend time with one parent every week. Or maybe we’ll just make them all come over for dinner once a month and call it a day. Fortunately, with both my parents working within a mile of me, I can take care of them during the workday. And ¾ of our parents live within a couple mile radius in Oak Park. I think what will end up working best is trying to have dinner out in the suburbs during the week, or maybe on Fridays. It’s easy enough for me to take the green line out and since Dan will be driving anyways, we could easily be back in the city by 9 or so since his commute out there will be better/shorter than the one back to the city. I really dislike heading out there on Sunday nights because of church as well as just mentally preparing myself for the week ahead, it’s nice to be in the city. Dan’s playing soccer in Elmhurst (suburb just a bit west of where we grew up) on Friday nights through Thanksgiving, so that will be weird to still have those evenings to myself. Probably a good thing though, since he’ll be working on Saturdays he wouldn’t want to go out anyways and it’ll probably be better commute out there than coming into the city on Friday nights. I’ll probably be a good girlfriend and take the metra or green line out to watch some games, but not all of them for sure.

Our other battles have been smaller, but not surprising at least:

Money-I’m trying to plan things out already and he isn't working yet. We’ve already discussed that I’m in charge of finances, and remembering how tough it was for me starting out last year, I just
want to be aware of what we’re facing salary and expense wise.

Schedule-I live and breathe by my combined google/outlook calendars…Dan doesn’t operate with a
calendar at all. I think the compromise here is just me printing out a calendar and hanging it on the
fridge for each week. We’ll see how that works. At least he’ll know where I am even if I don’t know
where he is. Granted he now thinks he has to ask my permission for everything he does. Totally
unnecessary, as long as we haven’t already discussed doing something together at the same time. To
make things worse, I’m in a really bad mood when schedules change, which is a lifelong battle with
myself. I’m working on it, but very far from perfect.

Decorations-I refrained from hanging up anything on the walls or placing any frames/decorations
around the apartment until Dan got home so we could make joint decisions. Now, I have lego and model airplanes decorating at least half of the visible surfaces in the apartment. At least the UND model planes match the green in our bedspread, but we’ll have to make some compromises on everything else. I refuse to hang up anything on the wall that doesn’t have a frame (i.e. posters), hard limit for me. Dan doesn’t want pictures of friends, just us. We’ll have to see about that one.

Cleanliness-we have different standards for cleaning. After living with 2 other 22/23 year old guys, this doesn’t come as a surprise to me except that Dan insists he’s cleaner than them. TBD.

Clothes-I take up too much closet space for him to hang his tshirts, sorted by color. He doesn’t like that I leave my pajamas on the bed. I finally got around to taking clothes to the dry cleaners yesterday and discovered he had thrown a bunch of other stuff on the dry cleaning laundry basket. I attempted to ask him what he wanted me to take, but apparently didn’t communicate clearly enough since I got yelled at for leaving behind a pair of pants he wanted me to take in. I told him to take them himself, he’s not working today. And to stop putting clothes over there that don’t need dry cleaned.

Pinky pillow-this was a short-lived battle, as I understand where Dan comes from. But as I was reading in bed last night, Dan grabs the pillow where it happened to be near my elbow and says “Sarah, do you think it’s time to give up the pillow you’ve been sleeping with since you were in your crib?” There’s really no other way to answer that besides yes. So for anyone who has lived with me and/or had a sleepover with me since about the age of 2….pinky pillow is now going to find a place of honor that is somewhere other than my bed. Probably in a box in my dad’s storage area with my blankie. I’ve officially traded a teddy bear and a pillow for a Dan, I guess it’s worth it.

There are definitely some distinct advantages to my “new roommate” as my mother refers to him as. As mentioned before, I no longer have to take out trash or recycling. He’s in charge of cleaning the kitchen surfaces even when I’m the one making a huge mess. I have someone to share meals with-like actually cooked together and sat down and prayed and had a dinner conversation last night. My bed is always made when I come home which never happened when I lived on my own. I can now watch Netflix on the TV through an XBOX 360 that I questionably know how to work. There’s also boy clothes to wear all the time, which I know Melissa will be jealous of (we may or may not have dressed up as boys for Alpha Chi’s Halloween chapter…basically our excuse to walk around in large pj pants, boxers, and an oversized sweatshirt). Plus there’s that whole fact that I love him and I’m sooooooooo excited to not be in a long-distance relationship anymore. And no one will have to listen to my rants about certain things anymore, sorry to disappoint, Mike.

So that pretty much sums up the first few days, 72 hours and we’re surviving! I’m still dreading the
major blow up that I’ve been told is inevitable when moving in together. Once that happens I will finally give into his demands to get a cat. Dan just can’t let me go to the animal shelter alone because I will almost certainly come out with a dog.

Living Alone

June and July were crazy busy for me. I literally had 6 free evenings in July to start the month (and have had less now that I'm almost done), and June wasn't much better especially when I factored in moving. In fact, I purposely brought my dog into the city in June for a week so I'd have to keep my evenings free to come take care of him and pack.

Why did I have to do this you ask? Well, I discovered during my times of periodically absent roommates that I really truly don't like living alone. This feeling was reaffirmed last night as I had my first free night in I have no idea how long. I came home from work, went to the gym and ran a couple of errands, but from 8:30 on it was just me, myself, and I. I was already getting antsy just in my three waking hours on my own last night, and I've got pretty empty evenings for the next two weeks. Now, this is partially on purpose/I'm kind of looking forward to it because I want to watch the Olympics, but I'm not particularly looking forward to doing it on my own.

Now, fingers crossed, Dan will hear on Monday that he got the job at Lewis and will hopefully be home next weekend. Then my empty schedule will be great because it'll give us time to finish settling in together and spend time actually figuring out how to be a real couple. Until then..we'll see.

Its not that I dislike independent activities. I like looking at random things online, enjoy watching my own choice of tv shows on the rare occasion, and adore reading. But for some reason, I just kind of wish there were someone else here doing these things with me. Or not even doing them with me, just here in general.

I talked to Allison about my dislike for living alone today, and she almost wished she were in my shoes. Although she's looking forward to continuing her relationship with Brian (assuming they actually get an apartment in the next few days!!!), she does wish she had the opportunity to live on her own. I really have absolutely zero desire to have that opportunity any more than I've already had it. Granted, if I hadn't had it already to some extent, maybe I would wish I had that experience?

I think maybe part of the reason I don't care to live alone is because I grew up in such a loud and crazy household that I was never alone. I remember in high school wishing I had more time to myself occasionally, but I think what I really wanted was privacy, not an empty house. I don't even remember being annoyed with having roommates in college (with maybe 1 or 2 exceptions). In fact, I really miss having someone around all the time, or at least most of the time.

The funny thing is, I'm the only person I know who has lived alone (to some extent) who hasn't liked it. So that makes me wonder if there's something inherently wrong with me that I dislike my own company, being alone with my own thoughts. I don't think that's true, but who knows. I considered this while running tonight. Although I like the idea of running with other people, I can't run as far while I'm talking so I also appreciate running alone. I keep telling Dan I want to run with him once he moves back, but I think I just really want to feel safe running at night again and I will if he comes with me. So I don't mind my own company in my own head while I'm running, but I wish there were someone to come home to. I've certainly thought about getting a pet, because that would fulfill some of that gap I feel on my own. I think there's something about the idea that no one depends on me, no one is excited to see me, no one knows where I am at any given time that makes me a little uncomfortable.

I'd have to agree with Margaret Mead on this one: "One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are, when you don't come home at night".

New vs. Old

I've been planning this post out in my head for about the last two months....and actually it was originally going to be 2 separate posts but since I've been so flaky about writing on here I figured I'd make the most of wedding Friday with Erica in Canada and just do a nice big post instead!! Missing Dan right now seeing as we're staying in a room clearly meant for couples (there's a bathtub in the bedroom, for example) but I'll get to see him on Monday when he comes back for the interview! Keep sending those prayers, good vibes, crossed fingers, etc our way...this could finally be the actual end of long distance for us!

Anyways, back to the point of the post. It was certainly a bittersweet moment to say goodbye to my first apartment on June 30th, but considering I had been imagining myself getting off at the Fullerton stop ever since I signed my new lease at the end of March so its been a long time coming. For those of you who didn't know of all of my adventures from my apartment this past year, I spent the first six months living with my best friend's boyfriend and the second six months living with my ex-boyfriends best friend. To say the least, it was certainly an adventure. But, as I was advised while seeing The Matchmaker tonight, it is important "to have just the right amount of adventure". Not quite sure if I achieved that, but oh well.

Dan and I are planning to have a housewarming/graduation party for him sometime in August, but until that happens/if it doesn't/if you live halfway across the country and can't make it, please enjoy the tour through pictures below! If you do happen to be in the Chicago area, please feel free to stop by anytime. We, well I at least, love entertaining and I have a shockingly empty social calendar in August so I should actually have the opportunity to get everything all put together!

P.S. Putting this many pictures on this blog was a freaking disaster and took several hours so don't expect too many posts like this!

The fairly large kitchen with three different types/colors of cabinets, uneven floors, and a leaking ceiling. However, it did have my very first tea kettle (my lease-signing present to myself) and I started making pinterest recipes here so there are some good memories!

My smaller, but much better matching kitchen! There's still more cabinet room than I'll ever use (mainly because I can't reach some of it...) which is wonderful since Dan and I have at least 3 kitchens worth of stuff combined! I also love that its open to the rest of the apartment so it'll be easier to cook and carry on a conversation with other people. Its definitely smaller, but Dan and I will just have to learn how to cook in close proximity! And the breakfast bar is actually the right height for the stools this time. 

My old panty was probably the best part of the kitchen! At the very least it all matched and it provided some much needed drawer space that we were lacking in the main kitchen!

My new spare closet turned into a pantry. Buying the shelving unit at BBB was definitely a good investment. If only I remembered to use the $65+ in gift cards I had in my purse...And yes, we have every single random kitchen appliance known to mankind-including duplicates of some of them! So if/when we ever tie the knot, don't expect to find an ice cream maker, electric griddle, crock pot, fondue kit, panini maker, or waffle iron on our registry! But do feel free to come over for breakfast/lunch/dinner/dessert many times

Was so excited to find these chairs for $12 each at Divine Consign last summer. This picture was taken long before my (aka the Magner's) matching china cabinet got put into place along the opposite wall. Although this room was more or less transformed into roommate #2's office, my favorite times in there were our somewhat weekly family dinners starting on October 10th :)
No separate dining area anymore, but this is more than adequate for my still-not-stained dining room table. It will be perfect for dinners for two or more! We even have a spare folding table to throw on the end if there's a big group.

This was an early picture of the old living room so those boxes did eventually disappear as did my scrapbooking stuff, but we never did really make use of the "awkward alcove" as we so fondly called it except for my Christmas tree. Surprisingly the red-yellow-blue color scheme worked out well and it was a great space to entertain in with all the seating-2 couches and 2 chairs at its peak!

Still boxes in this picture too so at least that's even! Far fewer windows in this new living room which is a little bit of a downside (although the old ones were so dirty that I never opened them anyways...) but I'm really excited to have the L shaped couch which fits wonderfully in the room. You can't really sit it well in this picture but we even managed to get a desk in too. I love that this room is open to the kitchen/dining area-I could even watch tv while I cook if I wanted to. 

Despite it being a little on the small side, I absolutely ADORED my old bedroom. I was told on multiple occasions that it looks like something out of a bed, bath, and beyond ad (the bedspread is from there, so that helps!) I was thrilled with how the black, white, and green color scheme came together throughout the room as well. Good thing too since I spent so much time in this room!

It's definitely still weird for me to think that never again will I have my own room, this is now our room. The comforter is a little girly, yes, but I did make Dan pick it out with my last summer (the bedframe, dresser, nightstand, and mirror as well!) so he can't complain too much! There's still a lot of decorating-and book unpacking-to be done here before I love it as much as my old room but it's definitely getting there! I've also reserved a whole 1/3 of the closet for Dan-be very impressed! Although his dresser is also about 1/3 of the size of mine so we may have to work on that one he's actually back for good with all his clothes. Everything doesn't match quite as well now, but we do have light wood on both sides of the bed (Dan's dresser and nightstand) so it kind of balances out. Not as many visible green accents [yet] but we'll see if I can make it look like something out of a BBB ad again!

new bathroom, not too exciting but the old one was such an eye sore that I never took a picture of it so I'm pretty excited to put this up!

view of the new apartment from the living room 

Finally!

I've been letting my readers down, I know. Only 2 posts the entire month of June! In all fairness, changing positions at work and moving/moving in with Dan all in the span of a week was VERY poor planning on my part and I feel like I've barely had a moment to catch my breath. July doesn't look much better in the time department (6 free evenings the whole month? Bring it on!) Hopefully in the next few days I'll have enough time to update you all on the moving out, living in the suburbs, and moving back in ordeal. But for now, two exciting things to share!

1. Dan and I have officially survived 30 hours living together!! There's been a lot of stress and some yelling, but the only major incident was me getting impaled by a dresser, which was kinda Dan's fault, obviously. Only evidence is some bruises on my hips though, so could have been worse. We even hosted our first guest (his mom) for dinner (Chinese takeout) last night. And yes, I'm already sensing my diet slipping seeing as my last few meals consisted of Sonic, pizza, Chinese, bagels, and now leftovers. I did make Dan buy fruit last night though, so we're making progress. I'm certainly dreading the inevitably large shopping trip I have to make either today or tomorrow though. At least we're going to Sam's (Tim's girlfriend) for dinner tonight. Whatever Tim cooks will certainly be better than what we're been eating!

2. Dan got an email from Lewis University's Chief Flight Instructor on Friday asking him to come in for an interview. Even though Lewis is 40 miles southwest of Chicago, this is the closest 4-year university with a flight program and therefore has been his dream job ever since I moved back to Chicago last year. It finally seems like we're thisclose to having the last 5+ years of long distance pay off so we'd really appreciate good vibes, prayers, crossed fingers, whatever you can/want to do to send good luck our way!

A Little Bit Married

I can't believe how long its been since I wrote my last post...but I've been busy between preparing to move, finishing up my rotation, and replacing as much of the stuff that I lost as I can!

I've also been reading. I borrowed every single book about moving in together from pretty much every library in the western suburbs. There really aren't very many on the topic. Perhaps a new ambition for me? Reading is certainly going slowly, but I'm already learning. Now I've gotten weird reactions when people find out that I'm reading books on this topic, but this is my best defense against the unknown-learning as much as I possibly can to prepare myself.

I had drinks with a long-time friend, Carling, on Saturday. We first met in mother-daughter book club the summer before we started third grade and reconnected in high school. She was part of our 8th period lunch table senior year (well, the first semester at least) when Dan and I started dating. In fact, it was Dan's obvious crush on her that made me jealous enough to actually take matters into my own hands and ask him out.

When Dan and I sat down at the lunch table the Monday after our first date, Carling blurted out "your kids will have beautiful hair!" Obviously this was more than a little terrifying to hear 2 days into our relationship, but lets hope it holds true (just not right away). Carling and Dan have stayed in touch since high school as well. Carling's favorite topic when one of us gets together with her, is when the next step is going to happen. As far as I know, she's the only person who knows how Dan is planning to propose to me. I resisted begging her to give me a hint, but I'm dying with curiosity.

Additionally, Carling and I broached my other favorite topic: the move in! She seemed surprised that I didn't sound as optimistic about the situation as maybe I should have. I've gotten the whole spectrum of reactions when I talk about moving in with him. Some people are neutral, others gush about how wonderful it will be, and a handful semi-reluctantly warn me about the trials of other couples they know who have moved in together.

Now, I'm optimistic that the big move-in won't be the end of our relationship of anything like that. But I do know it will be a challenge (hence the blog). My first of 5 or so books about moving in together provided a list of cohabitation commandments. The one that I'm trying to prepare myself for is "Thou shall expect the first six months to be rocky." I assume every day won't be a bad day, and maybe it won't take quite as long as six months, but its nice to think that by the end of January (schedule, yay!) we will have settled into a routine and learned to cope with all of each other's quirks we've managed to avoid dealing with after dating long-distance for so long.

When people ask why we've decided to move in together at this point, my normal response is "It just makes sense". After reading just this first book, I fully understand that living together to save money is an awful idea. I won't deny that this is part of the appeal (although with the way we've decided to split rent I'm actually paying more than I am now, but for a nicer place too), but it makes sense in the continuation of our relationship as well. I originally didn't intend to move in together until we were engaged, but sometimes real life interferes with plans, and I'm actually okay with that in this instance. The book I just finished reading outlined an entirely new stage of relationship called "a little bit married" (also the book title),  which is essentially a serious, long-term relationship (more than a year) that frequently involves the couple living together. However, it is before an engagement takes place. Such relationships are increasingly common and people who have experienced them and later married did insist that the marriage was not any less special due to cohabitation. In fact, couples who don't live together before marriage are now actually in the minority. The more I think about it, it might be nice to have sorted out (or at least started to) our living situation before I start battling the moms about wedding planning. 

The one small benefit to Dan staying up in North Dakota longer (probably through the middle/end of July although he is coming home to help move in) is that I have more time to research and prepare. We've started the discussions about managing money (my job), divided up some of the pre-moving responsibilities (not without a battle/bitchy email from me), and he fully understands that there will be a chore chart on our fridge from day 1 (my book confirmed that this is in fact NOT an absurd idea). Obviously there is still a lot to figure out though. Good thing my social calendar becomes a little bit less crowded after next week-I'll need plenty of reading time! By the way, any and all advice is appreciated. 

You're A Trooper

Last night I lost a lot of things. I lost my peace of mind. My sense of security. My confidence. I also lost my iphone aka tonka truck-my life, my brand new purse that I was so excited to find at Trends the other weekend, an umbrella Dan's mom brought me back from Italy, about $10 in cash, 3 credit cards, my Chicago Card, my driver's license, my debit card, a handful of coupons and rewards cards, a picture of me and Dan, my CVS, Jewel, and Binnys rewards cards, my wallet (at least that I was planning to replace soon!), my Aon IDs, some tampons, chapstick, a set of car keys, keys to my apartment, a key to my mom's house, key to my file drawer at work, my mailbox key, and worst of all-my rings. In the place of all these things I got fear, regret, what-ifs/I should haves, my first experience filing an insurance claim, a confused sense of reality and both admiration and pity.

I went out to dinner for Laura's birthday with a group of friends. In the interest of saving money, calories, and my liver,  for the third night in a row, I declined going out for a drink. I was pretty content to be heading home around 9:45 on a Friday night. It had been a disastrous workday with my computer not functioning remotely and finally being told around 11:30am that I should probably go into the office. At that point I figured I may as well just stay there until Laura's dinner at 8....working from 1:45-7:30 on a Friday afternoon/evening is not exactly ideal. Once I missed the train by mere seconds I figured out it wasn't going to be my day.

Then the restaurant didn't have our dinner reservation. I made a reservation through Open Table last Saturday. Laura wanted to make sure we got to sit at a particular table so she called Wednesday evening. They didn't have my reservation so she made another one. In the interest of preventing a dual reservation (things working at Winberies has taught me...) I cancelled my reservation Friday afternoon when I received a reminder email. We get to the restaurant and they have my cancelled reservation, not Laura's. Thankfully we got seated and everything was wonderful. Mike, Dan, and Mike's friend Steve spent dinner pestering me to go out with them. We were planning on a big night out tonight with all of Laura's HS friends so I wanted to pass for all the reasons listed above. I managed to convince them I didn't need to go with them and headed home.

I took the train home instead of walking since I was wearing heels and got off at my usual stop with a bunch of other people. Was texting Allison, Dan, and Laura on the way back to arrange plans for tomorrow and just chat in general. As I turned onto the street my apartment is on the corner of, I realized that I meant to go to Jewel to pick up a couple of things. Figuring I would just go home to change shoes and then head back over, I kept walking.  When I was about 45 seconds away from my apartment, I noticed two guys walking towards me. I thought nothing of it and glanced down again at my phone. Before I realized what was happening, my phone was snatched out of my hands and not 10 seconds later the second guy is fighting me to get my purse too. The whole ordeal couldn't have lasted more than about 30 seconds looking back on it but it seemed like forever at the time. As I started yelling for help, I noticed there was someone in her car on the street. It turned out to be the girl who lives across the hall from me (Jessie) who was a huge help that evening. Some people in a building nearby were having a small party so there were quickly 10 other people down on the sidewalk, only 1 of whom saw anything though.

At this point I have nothing except the clothes I'm wearing and a purse handle. In the age of cell phones, I also don't know the number of anyone who has keys to my apartment. I try to call Dan, doesn't answer. I try my Dad. He answers and although I didn't know it at the time started heading into the city to get me. Dan called back so he was able to tell Tim to bring me my keys. In the meantime, Jessie and I sat in her car while I tried to get in touch with my roommate. She had my old roommates number-he didn't have my current roommates though. I tried calling 1 of the 5 other numbers I know (next to Dan, my parents' cells and 3 for Allison)-my ex-boyfriend who is also good friends with my roommate. No answer. Police come, I tell my story, they take down the witnesses stories too. Keep asking for descriptions of the guys. I couldn't tell them much else than what you read in police blotters all the time: African American, probably between the ages of 20-25, wearing hoodies, jeans, gym shoes, no facial hair or distinguishing features that I noticed. That only describes how many thousands of people in this city?! Jessie and the other witness saw the car they were driving but didn't know which way they were headed so not much of lead there either. It had temporary plates which suggested it might have been stolen too. Convenient.

Fortunately one of my sorority sisters, Alison, lives in the same building as me. I noticed the lights on in her apartment but saw her roommate leave earlier and figured I could wait up there for Tim to arrive. I wasn't up there very long before I saw him and Sam (girlfriend) pull up in front. My roommate got home around the same time, convenient. Tim and Sam came bearing hugs and lots of gifts but all I could really focus on was getting to my computer, figuring out if I had enabled enough stuff to track my phone (I hadn't) and getting on phone calls with the banks. While I was on the phone with Chase, I got a report of fraudulent activity from Capital One in my email. My mom had to take care of her American Express. Fortunately (haha), I never changed my old address so even though these guys attempted to use 2 of my credit cards at about 7 different gas stations in total, they were never able to charge anything without the correct zip code.

Before Tim left he insisted I call Dan since he was freaking out. Tim's assessment was that he was more terrified of the situation than I was. I'm not sure that's necessarily true. He could feel terrified, he didn't have to do anything else. I had to deal with banks asking endless security questions, trying to recall what was in my purse, filing a police report, and keeping my wits about myself so I didn't make everyone around me collapse as well. Tim also mentioned that his mom's going to find out about this at some point. He was willing to spill the news but I'd probably have to deal with it soon. Fortunately, I just had a long chat with my favorite almost MIL on Thursday so not due for another heart-to-heart very soon. I also recognized that Dan and Mike were going to be on my case next time they saw me-a correct assessment.

I did eventually pack stuff together and go back to my mom's house for the night-mainly because I needed access to a phone and didn't have anything to speak of besides 1 old credit card (thank you Chase guy for telling me to hold onto it in case of emergency) and a check book. Once at my mom's, I filed a claim with my renters insurance-I had no idea they covered property away from home too. Fortunately my tax return will cover my $500 deductible but even that won't be enough to cover the cost of replacing my iPhone. So much for a boost to my savings account. I also deactivated and requested a new Chicago Card. Wasn't easy to sleep last night...maybe got 4 hours all together but fortunately I had gotten 9 the night before so wasn't too bad (getting too much sleep is NEVER a good thing!!). Fun morning trip to the DMV especially after realizing we had to go back to my apartment first because I hadn't brought all my file folders I had set aside. Also forgot my keys but luckily my new living room roommate heard me knocking. Got yelled at by the DMV chick for not changing the address on my license when I moved last year-apparently I could have gotten a ticket for that. Overall not too miserable of an experience-didn't even have to get a new picture taken!

And then came football. I thought it would be a good release and I didn't want to let my team down so I went there after getting my new license. Mike walks towards me and gives me a hug as soon as I get there. And as I go over to the rest of the group its evident that either Tim, Sam, or Mike filled them in on everything. Dan was being a wuss and wasn't there yet but thankfully he showed up later or he would have gotten a serious talking to about me showing up despite my disastrous night whereas he let a little hangover keep him down. Playing football was fun, and for 40 minutes I kind of forgot about last night. We also won, which was awesome.

Although as recently as yesterday at approximately 10:10pm I was planning to go to Will's (our sponsor bar) with my team after the game, I suddenly had any number of other things to take care of-most urgently being my phone situation. I knew there was no way my old Blackberry would last me another 14 months and I wouldn't be able to get a phone other than the iPhone again. Thankfully customer loyalty paid off and the Cellular Connection (non-corporate Verizon store in River Forest) was able to give us a good deal which involved a complicated exchange of canceling lines, setting up new lines, switching numbers, and all sorts of fun. Having a phone back made me feel a little bit more normal although I lost all my pictures (they're on my computer/facebook for the most part but still) and any contacts I added from the time I got my iPhone. I'm still very happy I held onto the Blackberry though so at least I had some numbers! Its been a pain to download all my apps again and such (including making the find my iphone app work on the first day!!!) but it is what it is. The guy was trying to encourage me to get insurance for the phone this time but I guarantee you I will never get a phone stolen again and I'll end up getting cell phone insurance the rest of my life. I haven't decided what to do yet. It'll be at least $160 outright and will be in the mid $300s if I do have to replace my phone for any reason. Ugh, decisions, decisions.

So I had a phone and a drivers license and 1 credit card. And $35 in cash from my dad. Time for something to put them in! I had intended to ask my mom for a new wallet for my birthday this year so I bought myself a nice one, charged it to her Lord & Taylor card and decided she got my present early this year. I'm really excited about it but if God forbid something were to happen again I'd be pretty mad about losing a nicer wallet. I took wrong turns twice on the way home which added an additional 10+ minutes to the drive. Definitely distracted. Made it back in time to help Erica finish getting ready for the 8th Grade Dinner-another great distraction.

Then came my night. I was supposed to make Laura chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake bars as her birthday treat. Not wanting to let her down, I went to Jewel and set to work at my mom's. I messed up the recipe a bit but I think they still turned out okay. Also wasn't able to refrigerate them as long as they should have been but that's fine too. After I put them in the oven, I finally got around to calling Allison. I had emailed Dan and Laura last night, called Dan, fb chatted Melissa and Laura (my friend from school I was supposed to spend the day with/was texting last night before the incident) and a few other assorted people knew from word of mouth. I hadn't responded to Allison's post on my fb wall but knew I had to tell her. That was a long conversation and she shared the terrified feelings as well. Since I wanted to stop by Laura's, I showered and scrounged up combinations of the few clothes I brought as well as my mom's and Erica's to put together a reasonably normal outfit.

It was then that I realized I wasn't wearing my rings and they were in my wallet. I take them off when I'm playing sports so that don't get damaged and I had never put them back on after volleyball on Wednesday night. I had thought about it a number of times and just never when I was within reach of my wallet I guess. For the first time since the ordeal began, I burst into tears. The only other time I came close was when I was talking to the State Farm claims agent on the phone today and he told me "I'm not supposed to show emotion or anything but I just feel really awful that this happened to you". Teared then, didn't sob. This was sobbing. I called Dan to break the news-he didn't answer so I left a marginally coherent voicemail. I called Allison again still sobbing. Dan called back while I was on the phone with her so I switched over. He said the "right" things. It doesn't matter. I'm just glad you're okay. You'll get a different and better ring soon, I promise. I knew he was hurt I wasn't wearing it and that I lost it. Other than his car I think my promise ring was the most expensive thing he's ever purchased. It was the one thing that was taken from me that truly has sentimental value that can't be replaced. He gave me the ring for my 21st birthday, just before I studied abroad. My 3 months in Poland were single-handedly the hardest point in our relationship. I was looking forward to the day when I took that ring off and put on an engagement ring and then a wedding ring instead. I wanted this to become a family heirloom that I could give to my daughter so that she understood that love was worth fighting for, as hard as it was sometimes. And I know that we still have the promise that the ring represented, but every time I look down at my empty finger, I'll think of Friday night. And every time I see Dan's ring that I gave him on his 21st birthday, I'll wish I had mine. Whenever that day comes when I do get a different ring from him, I'll miss the fact that I don't have one to swap out.

In addition to Dan's ring, I also lost my claddagh ring from my nanny, Maura. She gave me one for my first communion and then this one for my confirmation since I obviously needed a bigger ring. The claddagh ring is also a symbol of my heart being "taken". I'm not sure I'll replace that one either. Once again, the sentimental value of it is really more important to me than having the ring itself on my finger.

I did make it over to Laura's. I wasn't particularly in a socializing mood and when I got there it was very evident that everyone there knew what happened as well. People were asking me about it, excepting me to be a nutcase, basically anything other than just calm. "You're such a trooper" "I would be curled up in a ball somewhere right now". Those were the girls phrases. Dan told me off for fighting back. Mike was furious he wasn't there. Steve (Mike's friend) provided the "told you so" for not going out to drink with them.  Everyone had an opinion or questions or felt the need to offer condolences or something like that. No one's response seemed to be what I needed to hear, although I'm not sure what that was.  Eventually I was just over it. I knew I wasn't in the mood to socialize and since no one was else had different topics to discuss and I had nothing to offer I kept my stay pretty short.

Unfortunately that brought me back to my fear of returning to the scene of the crime. I was scared walking between my car and Laura's. But I didn't say anything. I managed. I was scared of driving back to my apartment. Even though my driver's license had the wrong address what if they somehow figured out where I live? What if they're doing something weird with my information? They could very well still be able to access anything that's stored on my phone, I have no idea. Or maybe there was something else in my purse I forgot about that might identify me more. I'm scared of walking down past the spot where it happened. I made my dad drive by it yesterday and down the alley the guys drove/escaped down but I wasn't alone or walking outside then. I can't let myself be scared of walking alone, but I am. I used to think I lived in the safest neighborhood in the city, and I still kinda think that, but what does that mean for everywhere else? Fortunately I'm moving in 4 weeks, but am I going to be scared until then? I normally park my car on that street, right near that place I was mugged frequently. I don't know how I'll walk home at night without freaking myself out. Obviously sticking to the busy streets and not talking or texting on my phone, but is that enough? How is it that I manage to walk home a couple of miles drunk and at 2am (not advocating this as a good idea, by the way) without incident but sober at 10pm on a beautiful night ends up as a disaster? I was an easy victim obviously, and I actually think I pay more attention if I've been drinking and it's late because I understand the risk is greater-or is it?

I guess I'm at a point where I don't know exactly how to deal with this. Although I talked to a detective today, realistically nothing is going to come of the case unless the car is spotted and linked to these guys. I'm sure I'll never see any of my stuff again, although that was part of the purpose of driving around-just to see if anything fell out. Other than the fear, I've experienced a whole realm of emotions. I was pissed off-both at these guys and at myself. It was so easy to think of 20 little decisions I could have made different that wouldn't have put me in that specific place at that specific time. Although if it weren't me, it would have been someone else exactly like me, and do I really wish that on some else? At least I know that I have the support system and the mental strength to get through this. I'll be scared for awhile, but not the rest of my life. I'll certainly feel better when Dan is back and I won't be walking home alone at night all the time. I'll also feel better when I move to a new apartment so my address and neighborhood are different. I'll feel better when time passes and memories fade (both mine and other people's I hope).

I don't feel like I deserved that. For all those three guys are I know, I might be helping their younger siblings, cousins, even children get a better education through my work with Big Shoulders. My monthly donations to Boys and Girls Club, Civic and Arts Foundation, Chicago Engineer Society, and St. Clements might be helping their neighbors or friends. I worked hard to get into a good college. spent a year trying to find a job, and used my own money to pay for everything they stole from me minus the gifts. Not that someone who didn't do all these things deserves to be stolen from, but still.

It also made me think, what about these guys' families? Do they have a mom or a dad or siblings who know they do this? I don't necessarily like this traditionally conservative argument, but if we can save the integrity of a family do we intrinsically help society as a whole? Do these guys think what they're doing is right? If so, how? More than anything, these types of questions are probably reflective of my Jepson education and maybe a bit of my Catholic upbringing, especially though service work.

I'm starting to understand why women who get raped are resistant to talking about it. I didn't even think twice about calling the police, but I'm not sure how comfortable I am with random people knowing about the situation. Granted, I am posting the blog now so in theory anyone and everyone could know about it. My main incentive for doing this is that I needed to tell my story to something that doesn't talk back. The dogs are still in the burbs (although we had 3 lovely outings together today!) so the blog it is. No one I've talked to seems to give a response I want to hear. People are silent, pitiful, astonished, impressed, happy that I'm okay. I think what they're all rooted in is fear though. This provided me with a strong reminder that I'm not invincible. In fact, I'm pretty vulnerable just like everyone else. But I don't really like to be reminded of that, and I don't think many people would. So if you're reading this, and have made it to the end, please don't try to talk to me about it. It was horrible, and it sucked, but going to work on Monday is going to be miserable if this is all we talk about at lunch. And every time I see someone I haven't seen since this incident happened is going to suck because they might bring it up. I'll make up excuses for why I have a new phone or wallet or whatever, just let me have them. If you do want to talk, send me a message on facebook or an email, it's easier that way and doesn't involve other parties in the conversation. Until I truly am over this, I guess I'll just keep being a trooper because honestly, what else is there to do?